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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I don't owe OH this money

102 replies

whatdoyouthank · 19/09/2018 20:43

I had a car crash in January my car got written off. OH brought me the same car and I agreed to pay him off when I got the payout.

I received the cheque yesterday but I feel as if I shouldn't have to give him the full amount because he sold his car and now drives mine. I'm not even insured on the car he bought me and he drives it full time.

Just wondering what everyone else thinks not trying to be greedy

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 19/09/2018 21:57

On what planet would he even begin to think this is acceptable behaviour. So you have no car and will give him the money so no money either and you’re worried about a shit storm if you question it.

TomHardysNextWife · 19/09/2018 21:58

Surely the money is in your name. So therefore you decide what happens to it. By the sounds of it, I think you should tuck it away somewhere safe and keep yourself a safety net.

ChangerChangerson · 19/09/2018 22:00

Your situation and his control is worrying.

You need to be able to drive the car and then I'd say that as he's sharing your car with you he should share the money he got for his car.

Atlantea · 19/09/2018 22:02

if you must give him the money, then surely it would only be half as you share the car?

BMW6 · 19/09/2018 22:02

Don't be a fool OP. He has bought HIMSELF a car, so you owe him jack shit.

AnoukSpirit · 19/09/2018 22:05

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

arethereanyleftatall · 19/09/2018 22:06

I think if you're at home looking after a baby, and no longer working or earning money, you will need to keep hold of every single penny you have.
It doesn't sound like he understands money has to be shared once one of you works, and one does the childcare.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 19/09/2018 22:11

You have bigger problems than this if you're still talking about your money and his money. If you're on maternity leave then you should be talking about 'our' money. Sounds like you need to sit down and have a good talk about finances.

TotHappy · 19/09/2018 22:16

What?! Don't let him keep the money and the car. I know why you mean about shitstorms and them a ring like you're a taker, selfishly wanting stuff even though they pay for everything but..
It's a lie. The situation you're suggesting would be totally unfair for you x

TittyGolightly · 19/09/2018 22:18

Titty, are you sure you're not on dodgy ground with that? I was told you had to have an 'insurable interest' in a vehicle before you could get cover, i.e. that you have to own it. If your FIL owns the car, you don't have the right to insure it.

I’m an ex-insurance claims handler. It’s fine

The rules are unlikely to be different just because we are married.

It absolutely is different. There’s an automatic legal and financial relationship between married couples. Not so between parents and children.

Postino · 19/09/2018 22:22

He has money I have nothing keep posting OP you'll get good support here, especially in the Relationships section

Flowers
Giraffey1 · 19/09/2018 22:31

I don’t understand this. You had a car, it was written off in an accident. You have just received the insurance money. Meanwhile, your H apparently says he bought you a replacement ... but his didn’t. He sold his car, bought a new one, drives it himselves and you don’t drive it all - and aren’t insured to do so.

What planet is your H on? Spend your insurance cheque on wheels for you if you need them, or something else if you don’t. You owe him nothing.

Hanyu · 19/09/2018 22:37

Spend your insurance cheque on getting out of this relationship. I've known so many men to become financially abusive when they have their first baby. You will be struggling trying to pay for nappies and childcare, won't be able to afford new clothes or a haircut for yourself for years, while his savings pot just gets bigger and bigger.

It's not right. Sad

MsMotherOfDragons · 19/09/2018 22:42

If you don't use the car at the moment, why did he need to "buy you" another one?

Why did he sell his car at all?

Will you not need two cars again in future?

Logits · 19/09/2018 22:48

Sign the car over to him and buy yourself a new car. Or if you're going to be sharing this car then give him half. There's no way you should pay all the money for a joint car and if he kicks off I'd seriously consider leaving him.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 22:50

He has money I have nothing OP he does sound financially controlling, it's very concerning..

To me partner means someone who shares their life with you, and that includes money. My partner would never see me financially in a worse circumstance than him, especially on maternity leave.

Oakmaiden · 19/09/2018 23:00

It isn't clear to me, from your post, are you able to discuss this with him? I would have thought the simplest solution would be to say "I'm going to need my car back to drive now, are we going to buy you another one?" If yes, then there is no problem - your cheque goes towards replacing the second car.

If he were to say no, then that would be more difficult, and I would possibly start thinking along the lines of the previous posters...

Fannydango · 19/09/2018 23:08

I never understand the concept of “owing” a spouse money. You’re married. You share your lives. But you can’t share money or material things?? Really?

civicxx · 19/09/2018 23:30

Under no circumstances should you give him that money.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 23:34

Fannydango i completely agree with you. I don't think the OP.is married though as she uses OH rather than DH

C0untDucku1a · 19/09/2018 23:34

Keep the money for now.

HVe. Conversation with you oh about being insured on your car and him buying his own car.

Hanyu · 19/09/2018 23:36

Also, did the OP actually say they were married? OH means other half, right? I assumed they weren't married.

GreenTulips · 19/09/2018 23:39

Your DH can't insure a car he doesn't be own.

The car is in your name and needs to be insured by you.

He's not insured to drive the car

C0untDucku1a · 19/09/2018 23:42

GreenTulips you stated that like it is fact. What makes you say that?

EmeliSandpit · 19/09/2018 23:48

GreenTulips, yes you can insure a car you don’t own with some
Insurers. You just have to notify them who the owner is.

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