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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Maintenance

113 replies

Doughnut123 · 19/09/2018 13:05

Hello everyone. I agreed to less maintenance for a few months when my ex husband was made redundant. It was an amicable verbal agreement. But, stupidly, I didn’t get him to promise to give the arrears to me once he was working.
I am trying to get him to pay me now, but he says that we didn’t agree for him to repay me the money, so he’s not going to give it to me. Is there anything that I can do? I have had some free advice from a solicitor and he said that it’s obvious to anyone that he should give me the money and has just advised me to stick to my guns, which I have. The amount that was cut from my maintenance was almost £4,000. I cannot afford to pay for legal advice.
Thank you.

OP posts:

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 16:11

paying reduced maintenance for a couple of months IS NOT NEGLECT

Brilliant!
I said I knew you would reply to tell me what I think neglect is.

I type out what I think neglect is so that you can’t make up bullshit.

You ignore all that and STILL tell me what I think neglect is.

hilarious.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 16:14

no, that's not me telling you what you think, that's me telling you what I think.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 16:21

Sure you were....
Well if you bothered to read my posts properly “love”, (whichever you just proved you don’t) you’d see I agree, so what exactly are you arguing about?

As I already said, this is irrelevant to the OP, because she did step up, and despite a COURT ORDER, she covered for him. He should now pay her back in my opinion. Really no need for you to go off at me for that.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 16:23

I have read your posts. your earlier post quite clearly said he should go to court for neglect.

you're backtracking now because you've realised you've made yourself look like an idiot.

I haven't gone off at you for agreeing with the op, I have just pointed out that you've fabricated a lot of shit, you've said people should be dragged up to court if they lose their jobs and loads of other random shit.

Namelessinseattle · 19/09/2018 16:29

Hi @doughnut123 the impression I’m getting is that he thought he’d have a cash flow problem for a few months between jobs so asked could he reduce payments. You said yes- all fine.

I think it really depends on who carried the brunt of his redundancy, you, him or the kids. So it would annoy me if he had savings, or got a massive payout or had a better lifestyle then me, and due to my generosity he didn’t have to impact his life whilst between jobs. Similarly if my kids gave up their summer holiday or something and he maintained his lifestyle that would annoy me. But if he struggled and also went without for those months I would find it easier to live and let live.

zsazsajuju · 19/09/2018 16:31

Flamingo- you’re being nuts. Angel was just making the comparison that women who are rp have to manage if they lose their jobs, whereas the same standards don’t generally apply to men.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 16:33

Sure, ok, I’m the one fabricating....

I’m done with you, you just make up shit to try and add weight to your arguement. God forbid you hold your hands up and say you might have misunderstood, much, much easier to just willfully misunderstand posts and outright lie about their content.

I apologised if my first post implied things I didn’t mean, I stand by that. I hope OP can see what my point is. But I really have better things to do than constantly tell you not to put words into my mouth.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 16:34

sorry, someone says you should be taken to court for neglect over a lessened payment in maintenance, I disagree and its me that's being nuts?

I have heard it all.

everyone has to bloody manage! the same standards should and do apply to men. He lost his job, he didn't purposely not pay her because he felt like it.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 16:35

zsazsajuju thanks, it’s good to have confirmation that I am in fact still speaking English!

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 16:37

sorry, someone says you should be taken to court for neglect over a lessened payment in maintenance, I disagree and its me that's being nuts?

Except I didn’t.....

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 16:38

I haven't misunderstood you have changed your mind after embarrassing yourself and you're backtracking. Its there in black and white what you said, deny it as much as you want - its still there!

I am not even referring to your first post. I am not putting words into your mouth, I am directly quoting the things you have said.

1Wanda1 · 19/09/2018 18:41

I think you two may have scared the OP off!

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/09/2018 19:47

Angel my friend and her husband have had an awful year. They both used to have full time jobs. Both low paid but they were doing ok. She became ill in January and ended up on ask. Took ages to get a diagnosis. They struggled on just his wage and thinking she would be back at work soon they took a loan to help them out.

Then he got knocked over. He survived, but is still not in work. She went back to work while still poorly, which isn't helping her condition and they are limping along on one wage. He will be able to go back soon and they will be ok.

I have helped them out a bit. They have 2 kids. Do you think they should go to court because they had to cut back on what they would buy or do with them? They have to have a very strict limited food budget.

It's temporary, benefits don't cover everything I can't see how doing them for neglect would help.

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