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Original poster

Maintenance

113 replies

Doughnut123 · 19/09/2018 13:05

Hello everyone. I agreed to less maintenance for a few months when my ex husband was made redundant. It was an amicable verbal agreement. But, stupidly, I didn’t get him to promise to give the arrears to me once he was working.
I am trying to get him to pay me now, but he says that we didn’t agree for him to repay me the money, so he’s not going to give it to me. Is there anything that I can do? I have had some free advice from a solicitor and he said that it’s obvious to anyone that he should give me the money and has just advised me to stick to my guns, which I have. The amount that was cut from my maintenance was almost £4,000. I cannot afford to pay for legal advice.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 19/09/2018 14:19

The maintenance was decided by the court. So if he was really struggling to pay, he should have applied to the court.

But you mutually agreed that he didn't need to do this, and that he would pay a reduced amount until back in employment.

If you want to take it to court then be aware they may not enforce the back payment. They'll look at the original agreement but they'll also take into account the verbal agreement, and you don't dispute that he did stick to that. Courts don't like intervening in situations like these.

Bombardier25966 · 19/09/2018 14:20

@AngelaSins, do you think your ranting is helping the OP? This is not about you or your family.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 14:22

You are projecting. You have said the kids will have to starve, gave holes in their shoes etc.

You have added in loads of stuff that is simply made up

No, that’s not what I said, my point was that did he assume there would be cut backs and the kids would have to go without, OR did he assume that the OP would make up the differences. That’s not projection, it’s a question.

AamdC · 19/09/2018 14:22

Angel you are making no sense now , i think.you really need to step away from the thread.

AllyMcBeagle · 19/09/2018 14:23

OP - do you know whether it he received a contractual redundancy payment in addition to the statutory one? My understanding is that could contractual redundancy payments would count as income for child maintenance purposes, although nb this is not my area of law.

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/09/2018 14:23

Ok, then you think he must have got no pay out, had zero money and that’s why he couldn’t possibly pay the full amount of maintenance, so poor poor menz, women stop being bitches and complaining about covering for them.

No, simply that we don't know that yet. Presumably the OP would have agreed to the reduction if he go a layout. No one one knows.

You are the one assuming and filling in gaps. You are being very aggressive. This has clearly upset you.

Simply facts we know is that they didn't agree that he would back pay. He didn't stop paying, like he could have. He did it with Ops agreement.

No one is saying the OP is a bitch for complaining.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 14:24

erm, no I said it was possibly he wouldn't have got a redundancy payment because many people do not.

Maybe he did - maybe he's sitting on millions I have no idea and nor do you or anyone else on this thread possibly including OP!

he wasn't earning, you pay maintenance based on a % of your earnings, if we wasn't earning, how could he pay? he might not have £££ in savings like you think he should have! we don't know!

i'm not saying anyone should "cover" for anyone, i'm saying shit happens and its easier to be a grown up about it than whine about how men are soooooooooooo awful because frankly it wont get you anywhere anyway!

DownAndUnder · 19/09/2018 14:24

If you went through CMS you wouldn’t be ‘owed’ money anyway, if he’s not working he can’t pay.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 14:24

Bombardier25966

Get over yourself, I mentioned my mum once, in one post. And yes, I do think hearing a different opinion, one that actually supports the OP, would help her. Is that alright with you?

1Wanda1 · 19/09/2018 14:25

I had a similar dispute over maintenance with my exH when he was out of work. The amount in question was somewhere between £6k-£11k depending on whose position you accepted. It was court ordered maintenance at the time.

He wouldn't pay once back in work so I went to court. During the litigation, he offered to pay £6k but by then I had incurred £6k legal costs, and I would have got at least some costs paid with a judgment in my favour, so I said he should pay something towards costs. He refused.

Several months later, at court I got a "result" in that he had to pay me the £6k plus £5k costs. By then my costs were actually £9k. So in reality, after paying my legal costs, I got back £2k of the £6k even exH had admitted he owed me.

It wasn't worth it. And I'm a solicitor!

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/09/2018 14:25

So did he think the kids would be fed one meal less a day and have to wear shoes with holes in them whilst he didn’t pay,

Angel, the above is what you said. Ok never implied things were this dire. Or even anywhere near. You made it up!

You aren't even giving a sensible discussion

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 14:26

angel what do you suggest op does then? stands in front of him and rambles a load of old shit until he agrees he's a shit dad and starts throwing wads of cash at her? because that is the message you're putting across here.

1Wanda1 · 19/09/2018 14:28

I should add, in our case the arrears had accrued before he lost his job. As others have said, liability to pay child maintenance is dependent upon having an income, so I. think you would struggle to make a case that he owes you arrears of maintenance for a period of time when he was unemployed.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 14:29

You are the one assuming and filling in gaps. You are being very aggressive. This has clearly upset you

No, I asked questions, try reading my posts properly. I ASKED if he got a pay out and how much, everyone else assumed he had no money.

And yes, I’m pissed off now because I was jumped on for daring to disagree with certain posters. Nothing to do with my fucking circumstances or being upset by the OP.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 14:30

Op might not know if he got a pay out....

you're disagreeing based on info entirely fabricated by you though...

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/09/2018 14:32

No, I asked questions, try reading my posts properly. I ASKED if he got a pay out and how much, everyone else assumed he had no money

If you read my post you would see less talking about your claim about shoes with holes and the kids not eating. You added all that in. Assumed the kids were being neglected.

You are starting to sound unhinged. No one is jumping on for having a different opinion. You are being ridiculous. Exaggerating, making stuff up, generally getting worked up because people won't agree with an imaginary situation you have made up.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 14:32

Angel, the above is what you said. Ok never implied things were this dire. Or even anywhere near. You made it up

No, as I already fucking explained, it was a question to establish whether he was happy for cut backs to be made and the kids to go without, or if he expected her to make up the difference.

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/09/2018 14:33

Your statement about the shoes and missing meals wasn't a question.

It was a statement.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 14:34

No, as I already fucking explained, it was a question to establish whether he was happy for cut backs to be made and the kids to go without, or if he expected her to make up the difference

well what would you do if you lost your job? starve your kids or expect your dp to make up the difference?

would you ask a woman who had lost her job those questions?

Notacluewhatthisis · 19/09/2018 14:34

And adding fuck in makes you sound more unhinged. It doesn't mean your point makes anymore sense.

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 14:42

You are starting to sound unhinged. No one is jumping on for having a different opinion. You are being ridiculous. Exaggerating, making stuff up, generally getting worked up because people won't agree with an imaginary situation you have made up

Yeah ok, I’m unhinged because you can’t understand what a question is.

OP, I don’t give a shit about the “hard of reading” who are defending your ex for not paying, but I don’t want to upset you, and do care about the situation you are in.

If my original post genuinely did imply that your kids weren’t fed, or in tatty old shoes, I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I simply meant it as a question of did he expect for cut backs to be made, and the kids to go without, or did he expect you to pay the difference?

If it was the second option then MORALLY, I think he should pay you back, but I doubt he will, and it’s probably not worth too much stress to you.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 14:45

angel answer my question...

which would you do? starve your kids or expect your dp to make up the difference?

and would you ask a woman those questions?

araiwa · 19/09/2018 14:45

Who doesnt make cutbacks when they lose their job?

AngelsSins · 19/09/2018 14:46

well what would you do if you lost your job? starve your kids or expect your dp to make up the difference?

Err, OP did make up the difference, her question is if he should pay it back. I think he should. Sorry that offends you so much.

flamingofridays · 19/09/2018 14:47

no i want to know what you personally would do if you lost your job.