To think our parents were all negligent?

[hooveringhamabeads]

(Lighthearted)

By today’s standards at least?

Inspired by some of the threads I’ve read this week, about 7 year olds playing out alone, or a baby being left for 5 mins while the Mum goes to the shop, I’ve been thinking about my own childhood and some of the (perfectly normal for then) stuff that happened. For context, I was born in the early 80s.

As babies, car seats weren’t a thing, so we’d be put in the carrycot on the back seat. My DM says that if we were asleep when we got to town, she’d leave us in the car, lock it and go and do her shopping.

We had a Subaru van with no seats in the back, and my brother and I would sit in the back, each on a wheel arch, and we’d love it because we’d get flung around the back as we were travelling along, which we found hilarious.

If we were on holiday at Butlins my parents would use the ‘baby listening service’ while they went out of an evening, which consisted of one person patrolling the massive site and putting their ear to the relevant doors to see if anyone was crying. What they did if there was I have no idea as no one had mobiles then.

My friend who’s DCs are now 24 and 28 used to leave her kids alone when holidaying abroad when they went out at night. But they’d leave a shoe in the door so that the kids weren’t shut in if there was a fire .

It’s a miracle we all survived

I grew up in the 70s and did have a car seat and then a five point harness. Dad was a policeman and had seen too many RTAs so got seats and harnesses welded in to the car.

BUT I walked to and from school on my own (including crossing roads) from the age of 7 and took my brother with me when he started in the infant school. Until 7 I went to a school that was a drive away otherwise I would have been walking earlier I expect.

My parents used to go out and just leave a key with a neighbour who would “listen out” and pop in every hour or so.

Travelled in the “boot space” of friends dad’s estate car on group trips out.

Used to go to travel to guide camp in the back of a small removals lorry. All the gear would go in and we would sit on top of it with just the tailgate up and the. We’d be off down the motorway for a waving at the cars following us and singing songs. I’d be horrified if my children were put in that situation!

I was left in a parked car aged 8. My father had forgotten to apply the hand break and after about five minutes the car stated rolling down the hill towards the very busy road. Fortunately I realised and applied the hand break. Shocking thing was he continued to leave me in the car even after this incident as did my mother

Obviously I don't heave my chokdren in parked up cars.

I also grew up drinking full sugar squash and never managed to get fat or have tooth decay!

Born in 86. I'm sure we had car seats but not until a very old age. Definitely did not have the boosters up to the age/size that is recommended now.

We were occasionally left alone in the evening (e.g. while Mum popped next door, on the understanding we would phone if we needed anything...think we were 4 & 7 or so at that time...but most shockingly once when we were on holiday in Vegas and they went down to the casino one night!! We were 11 and 8 then)...but I wouldn't do it as I remember being frightened.

Sister was what might have been called a "latchkey kid" from about the age of 8 though as her primary was 5 minutes' walk around the corner from home and Mum had to be 10-15 minutes' drive away in the other direction to meet me out of secondary. The reasoning was that my school was further away to walk and the only other option was the bus (which Mum didn't consider safe as it was always rammed and of course there were no seatbelts). This was 1997.

We played outside a lot with friends in the neighbourhood though and another friend and I once cycled along a busy main road (single carriageway but little in the way of pavement and cars still play fast and loose with the speed limit along that road even today) to meet a friend who lived in another estate.

What's really interesting though in this thread is how it shows not just a) differences between time periods and b) differences between individual parenting styles but also c) differences between different countries/cultures [I liked the anecdote about eastern Europe especially!]. I'm now 32 and pregnant with my first child in Holland. They are not that bothered about sterilising bottles here - just soap and water is fine. I also asked my midwife last week about how long the baby should sleep in the bedroom with us for and they said I could essentially do as I wished/they didn't mind if I put baby in his own room from day 1. I was also speaking to a French colleague the other day who has 2 small children and has lived in Holland for a while - and he too said that the children were in their own room maybe from being 1-2 months old.

Not really related to th e OP but I think one of the nice things about having a baby is that the things they really enjoy (peekaboo, blowing raspberries, having a bath, nursery rhymes, going for a walk in the pram) is the same as what I enjoyed as a baby and my parents did. It's only when they get a bit older that everything will be different

Dutch children also play outside alone, often, and cycle everywhere (quite often without cycle helmets) if not on the back of their parents' bikes (again, often without helmets - even quite small babies). Dutch women also frequently continue cycling while pregnant and I too have continued to do so as it is easier/quicker than walking in terms of my getting to work and of course all the designated cycle paths (with their own signs, lines, lanes, lights etc) help too.

Small child in the 60s and a teenager in the 70s. No seat belts on cars, walking to the corner shops on my own at the age of 6-7. Being told not to take sweets from strangers and to "ask a lady" if I ever got lost.

And all the other stuff of course; climbing trees (unsuccessfully), falling over - frequently, drinking out of the hosepipe, chewing lead pencils at school, picking up food that you'd dropped on the floor (as long as it hadn't fallen in a puddle).

And I'm still alive!

For me it was smoking. I was exposed to so much passive smoke as a baby/child. I remember spending Christmases at my grandparents’ house, with maybe four adults smoking, and my eyes would sting so badly by the evening.

@Haworthia - I'd forgotten the passive smoking! I used to put my head out of the car window to get away from it.

Also although car safety was non existent I think people just didn't drive as much. We tended to walk and cycle everywhere. My mum was a samp so I guess there was never the rush to drop us off and get to work

Yes i wonder if the passive smoking will have long term impacts in adults alive today.

I used to sit in the boot when me and my brother took a friend each out for the day.
My brother used to babysit me when he was about 10 and I was 7 in the summer holidays whilst my mum worked.
I used to play out and come home when I was hungry.
I used to get left in the pram outside for hours to sleep.

The only kids my DP knows that died in 60s/70s was a friend who died from an asthma attack in front of them and a kid who died from a heart issue.
There were kids at my school were hurt playing dangerously, although none seriously, but they were all fairly neglected children allowed to do and go where they wanted.
I knew no child who had been stabbed though. Unlike now.

I was born in the 60s. Car seats for kids didn't exist then. Mind you we didn't have a car, so that was ok! In the 70s I was in a rounders team and we went to play games with other little teams piled into one od the Dad's cars, sitting on laps etc. We'd also go to Saturday Cinema in my friend's Dad's car. She had several siblings and we often had 2 in the front passenger seat and one at their feet.

My mum was cautious about 'stranger danger' and frightened me over after school hot choc with tales of the Moors Murders. She also put me off childbirth with too much detail too young, but that is another story.

I was only allowed to go to the village shop on my bike once aged about 11. But I definitely walked to school in last yr of infants (KS1).

I wasn't allowed to go and stand under the railway bridge over the river or got to the level crossing or the park with woods, but ...

I wasn't allowed Angel Delight either but my friend's mum made it for us after we'd spend ages waiting for noisy trains to got over the railway bridge by the towpath.

Happy days.

Everyday sexism my bro, much older, had a lot more freedom at equiv age. Miss my chats about this with him since he passed away. He was a good mate.

Yep. I was born in 65 and was carried about in the car in carrycot.

Lived with animals in and out of the house. Orphan lambs were put in the warming oven of the aga while our dinner was cooking in the top.

I was allowed to roam anywhere for miles and miles in the countryside alone although mum had an irrational fear of towns!

No car seats - ever and when I were a lass it wan't illegal to go in the back seat with no seat belts.

We ate a diet of home-cooked and home-grown food but probably fairly high in fat and sugar due to the enormous number of cakes /jam/scones etc mum made. No such thing as skimmed milk or low-fat spread.

It's hard to say if it did me any harm as I don't know what the alternative outcome might have been. But I didn't die!

My natural instinct was to do the same with my children but attitudes changed so much I felt under pressure to be more 'careful'.

spongey surfaces in play parks There is research to show that kids just play rougher than they used to on tarmac and are actually at the same level of risk now as kids playing on tarmac.

I used to go to the Piggybank to buy 20 Players Blue (cigarettes) for the neighbour when I was about 7 or 8.

I have photos of me as a toddler sitting on my mum's knee whilst she had a ciggie. She was a vicar's wife and thought nothing of puffing through prayer meetings. I was born in 1974.
FWIW she's divorced and smoke free now!

irian Lots of research to show that kids brought up with animals have stronger immune systems and less allergies

Both my parents chain smoked and they didn't even open the Windows. I don't remember being bothered by it but when I would get up in the morning, there would be smoke hovering like clouds in the living room.
We must have all smelled like ashtrays..
That's another thing you don't see in people's houses now, ashtrays! There were lots of them in our house, in every room.
None of us four children ever had any health problems and still don't in our 60s. Not a gamble worth taking though!

My dad burned me with a cigarette accidentally when I was 3 and my mum crashed the car with my bassinette in the back when I was a fe months old. No seatbelt, so I flew out and landed in the footwell.

Im fine.... I think. Ha ha

Aged around 7 I used to pop to the local shop for fags for mother!

Neither of my parents smoked but my gran did. I remember really liking the smell of it when she came to visit and having a vivid memory of trying to jump up to get my head in the cloud of smoke. My parents eventually banned her from smoking in the house.

Mind you, back then even in McDonald’s anyone could smoke, remember the little foil ashtrays on the tables?

It’s a miracle we all survived

We might have done but plenty more didn't.

Statistics show that deaths and accidents of children under 16 have steadily dropped over the years. Whilst this is probably in part because the children go out less, it's also greatly influenced by the safety measures we now have in place to protect them.