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Original poster

To think my daughter is being cruel to her dog?

162 replies

WaaaaaaaaayBetter · 18/09/2018 20:42

Hello, my daughter has recently moved into a ground floor flat (3 months ago), they have allowed pets such as dogs and cats, which I thought was very unusual.

She did get a dog from a Facebook site that was about 2 years old I believe. He is a lovely little thing and I would definitely look after it but I'm too busy myself.

She leaves it in there all day while she is at work Sad she does then get home and take it on a lovely walk and she is a fab owner, has to have the best of the best, etc.

I've approached her about how concerned I am that he's just left in the flat all day on his own and she says she knows it's not ideal but she isn't passing him on to get another home and she loves him too much.

She's out Monday-Friday (9-5 type job).

AIBU to think this is cruel?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 18/09/2018 22:07

She needs to employ a dog walker to walk it in the middle of the day. Report her to the RSPCA if she doesn't.

Wolfiefan · 18/09/2018 22:09

@TheSheepofWolfStreet
You do go hours without the toilet. That’s not the same as being shut in a room and unable to go if you need to.

Dollymixture22 · 18/09/2018 22:09

It’s not ideal bit lots of dogs are left all day - most just sleep.

I have a kitten and I feel too guilty to leave her while I am at work, so either when I can’t get away from work my family visit mid day to feed her Andy play with her.

If your daughter had a puppy then I would totally agree it’s cruel. But a dog should be ok.

Logits · 18/09/2018 22:10

OP.... out of interest... why are YOU too busy? Working? Other kids? Or just only SO upset about the cruelty - enough to post on MN, but not enough to do anything to resolve the situation?

No need to be a twat. The reason the OP is busy is busy is completely irrelevant

Topseyt · 18/09/2018 22:12

I think that is too long to leave the dog, and that as others have suggested, she should pay for a dog walker to go in a couple of times a day, or for daycare.

I have two dogs. They are left for no more than 4 hours a day, and often less than that, while I work. Then there is the six months of the year when I work from home so they are rarely left much during that period.

I would feel very bad if I regularly had to leave them for a whole working day. On the very rare occasions when I have to leave them for too long I have a very good neighbour who goes in to check on them and let them out.

I do realise that I am quite lucky to be able to have these arrangements.

TheSheepofWallSt · 18/09/2018 22:14

@Logits

I don't think it is irrelevant actually.

She thinks the dog is being treated cruelly and has posted on MN, ergo, is presumably very very worried. If you're that worried, in my mind, and that convinced this is cruelty, you would surely make moves to remedy the situation yourself? If being busy is 'busy with my nail appointment and tending my rose garden' then arguably the OP is complicit.

If it's work/ kids/ elderly relatives/ own ill health etc etc, then yes, the dog comes lower in the list of priorities and venting here is reasonable if a little pointless.

Ellisandra · 18/09/2018 22:15

Has to have the best of the best, huh?
I’m assuming from that comment, that the dog is a bloody fashion accessory.
Are all the “best” things stupid coats and the like? Things that she wants to buy rather things the dog might actual want or need (like company and walking).
She’s not a fab owner.

Sallystyle · 18/09/2018 22:15

A dog sleeping whilst you are at work all day does not mean the dog isn't happy.

It is far from ideal and I wouldn't get a dog knowing it was going to be on its own all day long.

Noodge · 18/09/2018 22:16

A dog in a loving home that sleeps all day and isn't showing signs of stress, is in a far better position than a dog in a kennel waiting to be rehomed.
This. It's not ideal but, she rehomed the dog, from an uncertain future.It is in a better position than it was before

Could you go in and let it out/walk it/sit with it for a bit sometimes?It's not always a case of paying for a sitter or walker-sometimes a local teen will be happy to walk a dog for a couple £.

Dogs don't need to pee as often as we do either. They drink as much as they need and that's it.

FinnegansWhiskers · 18/09/2018 22:17

Yanbu. Dogs are sociable animals. I will never understand why people get a dog only to leave it on its own all day.

The least the owner can do is get another dog for company.

I hate humans on times... Some only think of themselves. Cue the next few posts from dog owners who will try to convince us their dog is extremely happy being alone all day whilst they work.... Yawn! Heard it all before. Dogs are not happy being left alone for hours at a time. They all need to pee, at least.

Sallystyle · 18/09/2018 22:20

It is strange MN phenomenon that all dogs must never be left longer than 3 hours without company. In the real world, millions of dogs are left at home while their owners work, because most people work full time and that is the way it goes. For all those who say that you have get dog walkers - in many places, dog walkers do not exist.

Most people do work full time but if you can't afford to get a dog walker etc then you shouldn't get a dog. It's a privilege to have one, not a right.

I understand that people might get a dog and their situation changes, but I don't think that is the case in the OP. Even if a situation does change lets not convince ourselves that the dogs are happy with being left alone all day long. They simply aren't.

ThanksHunkyJesus · 18/09/2018 22:21

Personally i can't get worked up about this. There's millions of animals in a far worse position and as she gives it plenty of attention and walks when she's there it really doesn't matter that much. Is it better for the dog to languish in kennels and then be put down because it can't find a home?
Am actually laughing at the suggestion that the op should call the rspca. The dog isn't being abused and even if it were, the rspca wouldn't do anything anyway.

Thinkingallowed85 · 18/09/2018 22:22

Could she get a dog flap?

Sallystyle · 18/09/2018 22:23

This. It's not ideal but, she rehomed the dog, from an uncertain future.It is in a better position than it was before

Well, the dog could have got even luckier and went to someone who didn't leave it alone all day. Had the owner gone through a rescue to re-home this would not have happened.

toomuchhappyland · 18/09/2018 22:25

It’s cruel. Of course the dog sleeps all day - what else is it going to do? Cook dinner? Read a bit of Proust? Just because it’s not shredding your furniture, doesn’t mean it’s not stressed. One sign of depression in humans is increased lethargy and sleep. If you were at home during the day, your dog would be happier just by having you around. You just have to look at how happy it looks s when you come home to realise that. If you can’t provide company in the day, don’t have a dog. I grew up with dogs and adore them and it kills me that I haven’t got one but I simply won’t leave a dog alone all day while I’m at work. It’s selfish and smacks of doing what suits you, not what suits the animal.

agabimou · 18/09/2018 22:25

Every dog is different. Does the dog seem stressed?

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/09/2018 22:27

If everyone rescued dogs it wouldn’t be a problem but while ever we live in a throwaway society regarding animals people will pay for what they want and breeders will continue to create more and more animals when there aren’t enough homes as it is.

Babyroobs · 18/09/2018 22:28

I know quite a few people who do this to be honest, but some do have a dog walker come in around midday. I have recently had to start leaving mine for one day a week but the dogwalker comes to take him for a short walk around 12 and play with him for a while then the kids are home just after 3pm. the rest of the week he has someone with him and lots of walks and company.

sunsunsunsunsun · 18/09/2018 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thatstheendofmytether · 18/09/2018 22:30

She needs a dog walker. They don't cost a fortune.

Noodge · 18/09/2018 22:33

Well, the dog could have got even luckier and went to someone who didn't leave it alone all day. Had the owner gone through a rescue to re-home this would not have happened.

U2 I do agree with you and I know you're right on the second part. And ideally this wouldn't happen. But there are so many dogs needing homes, is this not preferable to them being stuck in kennels and put to death, frightened and alone?

As a PP has said, there are so many animals being abused and severely neglected that I just can't get worked up about this so much.
A dog that feels loved and secure will know its owner is coming back, and from what it sounds like the owner's treating this one well whenever present. I know rescues only give to people who aren't out all day. But I wonder if dogs could articulate, whether they would say 'I'd rather be on my own until someone I love comes home, than be stuck in this wire cage and have food chucked at me now and again'...

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 18/09/2018 22:41

It is far from ideal but I wouldn’t call it cruel. I would feel mean leaving my dog who is very used to human company a lot of the time. However, I do think it varies from dog to dog.

Logits · 18/09/2018 22:42

TheSheepofWallSt

Nail appointments, gardening, or even just not wanting to are perfectly good reasons. The OP presumably doesn't have a dog of her own because she doesn't want one/doesn't have the time to properly care for it. The dog is not her responsibility. But that doesn't mean she can't voice her concerns about the way the dog is being treated or post on here seeking opinions and advice. There is a lot of good advice on this thread and she's already said she's going to pass some of it on to her daughter.

PerfectPenquins · 18/09/2018 22:43

You say she’s a fab owner, gives the dog the best of the best and a lovely walk after work. So how is your daughter cruel? You don’t mention accidents in the house, no excessive barking, no destructive behaviour so what makes you think this dog is unhappy? Or should he be added to the many dogs in shelters put down because no one wants them? Sounds like your daughter takes great care of her dog.

Thebluedog · 18/09/2018 22:45

Doesn’t sound like she’s being intentionally cruel.

A lot will depend on what type of dog it is too... some dogs sleep for 16 hrs a day and wouldn’t bother being left alone if they get company and a decent walk in the evenings. Some breeds would go stir crazy and are not suited to be left for long periods

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