AIBU to want to shit stir? If not, how should i do it?

[BrightLightsAndSound]

DP has a close friend who im going to call Twatty Fucker.

Twatty Fucker has two children and a partner who I will call Lovely Woman.

Twatty Fucker (TF) and Lovely Woman (LW) just moved back to TF and DP's hometown.

I gradually became friends with LW and realised how much of a twat TF is. It was kind of reassuring to hear because I never liked him but couldn't pinpoint why.

He isolated her from all her friends back when they were living in a different town. He refused to marry her but demanded the kids be given his name. He bullies her, patronises her like you wouldnt believe. She works and does all the childcare and housecare. Her kids are a newborn and 4 years old, hes never changed a nappy. If he sees her sitting down to quickly check her phone he asks her if she doesnt have anything better ro be getting on with but spends hours with his feet up on the internet. Hes just a horrible person, DP said he didnt realise this side of him as it only really came to light in his treatment of his partner.

Anyway me and TF dislike each other and he was uneasy about me befriending LW as he sees me as some kind of wild card loose canon (im not, im just not dependant on DP).

I suggested LW start am dram with me in town on thursday nights and she was really nervous but finally agreed and is now really excited.

She said "I just have to ask TF if its OK though (!!!!!), i mean for him to havr the kids alone for one evening".

She asked him, hr seemed fine with it. She said to me "knowing him i bet something will come up to stop me going".

Lo and behold, today, two days before our first am dram session, he's decided he needs to go to another town that evening (i dont know why yet but its obviously BS).

She has had to ask my DP (he loves children) if he will look after the kids on thursday evening, which means he'll have to reshuffle some plans but its doable and he wont mind.

My AIBU is - I just want to fucking do something to put TF back in his place! Hes done this to spite her hasnt he? So now ahead of thursday she has to either cancel (she wont) or waste time organising childcare. And why should my DP pick up his shortfall?

AIBU to want to shit storm here?! It makes me angry

I have read all of this thread and it’s very sad. I’m glad you’re helping your friend OP but don’t let it lead to problems in your relationship.
I think seeing friends’ bad relationships, knowing about gaslighting and how twatty men can be can make us ultra-sensitive to what our DHs say and do, and lead to arguments out of nowhere.
TF is being unreasonable about the business too. I’ve worked for my dh’s business and I’m a still shareholder (and do a small bit of work) as it is beneficial financially. She should get some financial advice around it too (I have less shares than dh but not as few as 20%).

My BF was a with a similar TF. Based on that experience, the best thing you can do is keep being supportive and as you say, take her lead when she starts to disclose more TF-like behaviour. I'd also keep a squeaky clean exterior as far as he is concerned as he will try to manipulate things you say and do to show you in a bad light. For example, when my friend got "engaged" to TF I was asking where the ring was - apparently in private he told BF I was just jealous because he was saving up to get her a big fuck off diamond and she should keep away from me until he gave it to her. Of course, no ring ever materialised. It all unravelled in the end when she found out he was having an affair with a S&M mistress.

I think it's because men live by a very much "live and let live" attitude whereas women don't. Men are "if what he's doing doesn't affect me or is being done to me, i can still be his friend"