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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to midwife regarding reduced movement? *Poss TW?*

999 replies

booandbumpp · 18/09/2018 07:52

Can someone please tell me what to do? Posting here for traffic.
I am 34 weeks pregnant - complicated pregnancy, baby has a severe CHD called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and will need a surgery in the first week of life.
I also have high pressure in the placenta and am on weekly monitoring for that. Baby is measuring small due to this and I need to be induced early - at 37 weeks - if the pressure stays high, which it has consistently been for the last 5 weeks.
Baby will be borderline "big" enough for the surgery if born at 37 weeks. Can't keep him in longer, can't delay surgery, otherwise he will definitely die. Nothing I can do to help with the pressure in the placenta.
I've had reduced movement yesterday and today. He's never been the most active baby, but yesterday and today I've barely felt him. FMU consultant told me to watch out for this due to the pressure in placenta possibly getting higher and there being no forward flow of blood to baby.
I haven't yet - partly because I'm having two scans tomorrow - one with cardiologist, one with FMU consultants anyway, so I'll get answers then. Partly because I'm selfish - I'm scared, I don't want to miss another day of work, I don't want to drag my partner out of work to sit next to me for 4 hours at a maternity hospital.
And also because honestly what can they do? They induce me now because my placenta won't work properly, he'll still die because he won't be able to have surgery. They leave him in there with negative flow, he'll die, or stop growing.
I'm not crying, I'm barely upset, I'm just stuck. I feel so annoyed at myself for not being able to make a decision, but I guess thats because I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome.
SO, sorry that was longer than I expected. WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
JLG19 · 19/09/2018 19:12

Sad sounds like you've had a difficult day, OP. Wishing you and your family well Flowers

Yadda · 19/09/2018 20:32

Sending love and hope to you. It's such a lot to take in. I hope you are surrounded by people who love and care for you.

DoodleOodle · 19/09/2018 22:01

Just wanted to say that if it does turn out that your baby's oesophagus isn't connected to the stomach, my boy was born with that in addition to his CHD so if you need an underatanding ear and a hand to hold, I'm here Flowers

tosleepallday · 19/09/2018 22:23

OP I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time
It must be so hard not knowing what's going to happen, and not knowing exactly what to prepare yourself for
I hope you get the support you need

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 19/09/2018 23:00

I’m so sorry op, what a difficult day for you, my heart goes out to you both x

sparklepops123 · 20/09/2018 07:31

💐💐

RainbowsArePretty · 20/09/2018 07:39

Sending love and hope Thanks

Original poster
booandbumpp · 20/09/2018 07:41

I've just messaged my manager to ask if I can bring my maternity leave forward two days to cover not going in the next two days. I can't face it. I thought I could thought it would be a good distraction but I can't.
It feels so horrible and awful that this is the beginning to my maternity leave. I feel so robbed.

OP posts:
oldgimmer78 · 20/09/2018 08:00

Sending love and hugs your way OP. I have been in a similar position and whilst life has had it's peaks and troughs the outcome was nowhere near as bad as we were told

GaspingGekko · 20/09/2018 08:25

Take care of you boo. We're all wishing you well.Flowers

ClockworkNightingale · 20/09/2018 08:30

Thinking of you OP, this must be so hard to process on top of everything else. It's not fair. Life is really shit sometimes. Flowers Flowers

Lavalamped · 20/09/2018 09:05

Thinking of you Flowers

apostropheuse · 20/09/2018 09:26

Oh OP how heartbreaking that you're having to endure more negative news. I hope you're able to get some useful advice from the groups mentioned on here, or from the people who have gone through similar and have offered to chat. One day at a time. Flowers

mummymeister · 20/09/2018 09:36

Boo its only 2 days lost from work and right now I know its tough to see the big picture but honestly in 10 years time you wont remember that you left 2 days early. Please, please contact the organisations that I and others have named for support. Please. don't be sitting around on your own churning over it all in your mind. There are lots and lots of positive stories and outcomes for the problems that your baby is facing and you need to hear these. Having a sick child is tough - someone once told me that is because you mourn for the life that you thought they were going to lead as opposed to the one that they are facing and this honestly helped me to take care of myself and move forward. Little things that happen, that they do, them recovering from surgery etc all become victories and you just have to concentrate on celebrating each one of these. you have got this far with your pregnancy - that's a victory. each day you hold on - that's a victory. it is shit but you will get through this, you really will.

Ennirem · 20/09/2018 09:46
Flowers

My heart goes out to you so much. You are being robbed, life is an absolute shit sometimes and it is so so unfair.

The waiting must be awful, and knowing even the best case scenarios are so far from what you would have wanted for your child must be torture. I honestly don't know how you bear it, you must be an incredibly strong person to have got this far still at work and with your sanity. Definitely time to stop working and focus everything you have on nurturing and preparing yourself for what's to come.

Whatever reactions you are having - despair, rage, numbness, irritation and incredulousness, even feeling like you're just past caring sometimes - the're none of them wrong, and you do and feel whatever you need to to survive this trial. Your baby may have been dealt a shitty hand, but they have an amazing mum and you'll be there for them whatever happens, whenever it happens. You're amazing xx

I know I will be thinking about you often over the next few weeks, and wishing all the very best things for you and your baby.

NC15 · 20/09/2018 11:30

Oh op. Wishing you the best of luck ❤️

BuntyII · 22/09/2018 16:20

Lots of love @booandbumpp. My baby had too much fluid too and it was because of gestational diabetes. He had to have an xray done of his stomach before I could hold him but he was right beside me in his little cot so it was ok. He did end up having an unrelated disability, but he's doing great. Fingers crossed for you and your little one.

BakedBeans47 · 22/09/2018 16:28

I am so sorry you are going through this at what should be a happy time. How terribly cruel. No wonder you feel robbed. Much love Flowers

Beautifulblue · 22/09/2018 17:52

You might not be feeling upset now because you're caught up in the stress of it all & boy I bet it's stressful. But if anything does happen to your baby & you had even the slightest chance of doing something you will feel guilty forever. This is your babies life on the line.. please go!

ShakeVigorously · 22/09/2018 18:00

One day at a time now Thanks
Thinking of you x

Beautifulblue · 22/09/2018 18:24

@boo&bump I have just read the whole thread & im so sorry. You have to do what you can to protect that baby all the while you can but I understand it may seem futile in the bigger picture. I'm so so sorry, you're being incredibly brave. Your baby is so lucky to have a mum like you Flowers

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 28/09/2018 10:48

How are things op? X

Original poster
booandbumpp · 28/09/2018 11:58

@Wellfuckmeinbothears thank you for asking. Much the same really - however I've seen another consultant at a different hospital who isn't concerned about the oesophagus and scanned the stomach and said in his report he "observed swallowing" so that is less of a worry.
Heart is still the same. Baby is moving a bit but not much and not to the extent I think of other babies. But he's head down, induction is booked for a week on Sunday. He weighs an estimated 5lbs so needs to put on about another half a lb for the surgeries.
Maternity leave is a lot more lonely than I thought it would be and it's quite hard not to wallow. I have sciatica now, and am in a lot of pain with my back and I still have hyperemersis and vomiting a lot so I can't do much physically for a distraction.
But in less than two weeks he'll be out, and we'll know more x

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 28/09/2018 12:30

OP, is there a reason they're inducing you rather than giving you a CS? With the range of issues you've described I'm a little surprised. My niece had major heart surgery when quite young and is doing v well now. Will be thinking of you and hope all goes well x

GratedCarrotStick · 28/09/2018 12:44

Thinking of you and sending you love and hugs x

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