AIBU to not go to midwife regarding reduced movement? *Poss TW?*

[booandbumpp]

Can someone please tell me what to do? Posting here for traffic.
I am 34 weeks pregnant - complicated pregnancy, baby has a severe CHD called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and will need a surgery in the first week of life.
I also have high pressure in the placenta and am on weekly monitoring for that. Baby is measuring small due to this and I need to be induced early - at 37 weeks - if the pressure stays high, which it has consistently been for the last 5 weeks.
Baby will be borderline "big" enough for the surgery if born at 37 weeks. Can't keep him in longer, can't delay surgery, otherwise he will definitely die. Nothing I can do to help with the pressure in the placenta.
I've had reduced movement yesterday and today. He's never been the most active baby, but yesterday and today I've barely felt him. FMU consultant told me to watch out for this due to the pressure in placenta possibly getting higher and there being no forward flow of blood to baby.
I haven't yet - partly because I'm having two scans tomorrow - one with cardiologist, one with FMU consultants anyway, so I'll get answers then. Partly because I'm selfish - I'm scared, I don't want to miss another day of work, I don't want to drag my partner out of work to sit next to me for 4 hours at a maternity hospital.
And also because honestly what can they do? They induce me now because my placenta won't work properly, he'll still die because he won't be able to have surgery. They leave him in there with negative flow, he'll die, or stop growing.
I'm not crying, I'm barely upset, I'm just stuck. I feel so annoyed at myself for not being able to make a decision, but I guess thats because I feel like no matter what decision I make, its the same outcome.
SO, sorry that was longer than I expected. WWYD?

I’ve only just seen this thread. You are an amazing person, and an amazing mum. I know you will treasure every moment with your baby in a way I only wish all parents could (myself included, this post has inspired me to appreciate my dc much more). I hope that you get everything you hope for and more. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Sending loving thoughts your way OP.

That's a beautiful idea

Hospital have just rang to let me know it's likely I'll be cancelled tomorrow due to Cardiac Bed not being available. I'm disappointed- I wanted to get this ball rolling as am feeling massive anxiety about it all. I asked when they thought I might be able to come in if it was cancelled but they had no idea.
They said they'll ring me tomorrow to confirm. Feeling deflated - for want of a better word!

Oh no! Fingers crossed for you both. Who knows, an extra day may even go in baby’s favour. Hang in there.

Oh god I’m so sorry. I can really relate to that, you must be gutted. How are you feeling in general? Probably a daft question but sending lots of love your way x

@Howmanysleepstilchristmas that's what I'm telling myself - as long as he's in there and growing it would mean a shorter stay in high dependancy NICU. If he could be over 3kg at birth everything would be much more optimistic.

@Wellfuckmeinbothears I'm mainly exhausted. I don't know if it's the extra fluid but I'm massive - I can barely walk now. If I do the pressure on my hips is horrible and I have to lie down afterwards. I'm feeling a little lower now than I felt earlier. I just want pregnancy over but also scared for what that means. If I could be knocked out for a week and wake up with it over and done with then I would probably go for that option now.

Oh how frustrating, I can understand your disappointment. I hope they will be able to sort the bed issue and get you in quickly. What gestation are you at, today?

How disappointing when you've built yourself up to it happening tomorrow. But I guess the longer he's in there the longer he's safe and the bigger and stronger he will be when he's born. Hugs

OP the delay is tough on top of everything else you are facing. Hope you can get some rest and there will be some clarity soon. Xx

Thinking of you today have you heard from the hospital yet?

Sorry to hear that it's all been delayed (hoping they have miraculously found you some space but we all know how hospitals work 🙄)

Have a nice relaxing day and try not to stress too much cliche of the year I know

Hope you get a space today - waiting is awful. Will be thinking about you and your baby!

Welp definitely not going in today. I've got to ring at 9am tomorrow. Going into Sheffield hospital anyway as he's not moving around really today so I have to get monitored. Feeling very deflated x

I bet you are feeling deflated. I imagine you had kind of got yourself emotionally geared up for today?

I'm sure all will be fine but at least they are keeping a close eye on things.

Take care and I hope you get some time today to have a rest (and a good frustrated cry if you need it!!)

I just read your thread Boo and wanted to wish you all the very best for what lies ahead.

x 1000.

So moved by your posts. Sending positive thoughts to you and your baby x

OP my DS had open chest surgery on the second day of his life. It was a different issue - his trachea & oesophagus but I just wanted to offer my support. It was risky surgery but the chances of survival without it were non-existent.

What's coming is going to be very very hard. But you can do it.

How did you get on with the monitoring? I can’t imagine how you must be feeling

I'm here now still hooked up. He's done that annoying thing of being sleepy through the first half of monitoring (which he has been for a day now) and then waking up, doing lots of big movements and making me look like I'm paranoid.
Oh well, at least he's ok. I beginning to think he's doing this on purpose though x

That made me smile Boo. Went in with low movement at god knows what o'clock with DD. Panic and worry in the car, hobbling across dark deserted car park and through unlit corridors, midwives all concerned for us on arrival ect ...

1 minute after hook up she decides to perform flash dance in there and keep it up for an hour It's good though :) The midwives were always very cheerful and made it clear it was never a waste of their time going in.

Glad you’re being monitored and as frustrating as it is the longer he’s in there the more weight he can gain. But I totally understand how you feel, it’s like you’re in limbo waiting x

How are you OP?

My thoughts and prayers are with you OP. I have no words but I wish you strength and for all to go as well as it can. You are doing an amazing job just being here and keeping moving forward.