About sleeping arrangements on family holiday?

[PurpleMac]

Will try to keep this simple!

Large holiday home booked for a week. three double bedrooms, one twin bedroom, one travel cot.

Originally there would have been one childless couple, then two couples who each have an 8yo and 2yo. Plan was for the 8yos to share a room, then we would bring an extra travel cot so the 2yos each have one and sleep in their parents rooms.

However one of the couple's has now split up, meaning the 8yo stepchild is also not coming.

So we have three doubles:

1. couple with no children
2. DH and I
3. single adult (let's call him Alex)

There's also a twin bedroom that our DS(8) will sleep in.

There's now some conflict over where both of the 2yos will sleep. Both have had a growth spurt in recent weeks and are too long to fit comfortably in travelcots. The other 2yo is bigger and older than our 2yo and has started sleeping in a bed at home, our 2yo is still in his cot but we are taking the side down this week. Holiday is in a month.

Both Alex and the other couple think that Alex's son should share the twin room with our DS(8) and we put DS(2) in with us in a Travel cot he won't be comfortable in. DH and I think our DS(2) should share the twin with DS(8), whilst the other 2yo can sleep in the double bed with his dad for the week.

There are two reasons for this:
Firstly, DS(2) won't be comfortable in the Travel cot and will end up coming in with DH and I anyway, meaning three of us in a double bed whilst Alex gets a double to himself every night.
Secondly, Alex's 2yo son is a bad sleeper. Wakes up at 5am every morning, and absolutely adores our DS(8) so if they are sharing a room together he will absolutely wake our DS up every morning wanting to play. He's a young 2 and won't really understand/remember if he is told the night before not to do this. Both of our DSs sleep through til 7 so wouldn't be an issue if they share, and if our younger DS did wake up early I would hear him and go get him- I'm not confident Alex would do this with his son and not sure DS(8) would be comfortable enough going to wake Alex up to let him know his son is awake.

Totally willing to hear IABU or precious if that is the case, it just doesn't seem fair to me.

Just put 2 year olds on mattress on the floor in parents’ rooms. We never used a travel cot when ours was past about 8 months. She either slept on a single mattress on the floor or we brought her cot mattress from home and stuck it on the floor. Or bring an inflatable mattress.

I'd say that my two really want to,share a room, would you prefer the double or twin (to Alex)
Then bring a ready bed for your little one if they end up with the double.
When he says can I put mine in with them, say sorry no they'll sleep til 7 if they're not disturbed and I'm not getting up at the crack of dawn for anyone on my hol.

OP I'm amazed how restrained and polite you've been with some of the comments on here.
You are more than willing to compromise but naturally you don't want your 8yo to spend a week sharing a room with a 2yo. PP and family dismissing it as 'only for a week' obviously haven't thought it through. You'll end up with a very tired and miserable 8yo.
You have to stand firm with your parents and Alex that your DS and his toddler cousin cannot share a room and they can sort out sleeping arrangements from there.

OK - I'm only on page 1 yet, but it seems to me if Alex wants his DS to NOT share the bed with him, then he needs to bring an airbed or campbed of some sort to let his DS share the ROOM with him but not the bed.

Your 2 DSs should share the twin.

And all Adults should have a proper bed.

Alex and his DS could, theorietically, have the twin room instead of a double - but that leaves your 2 DSs sharing a double instead. And Alex in a single which he may not like.

So my suggestion is that someone brings a campbed/airbed for Alex's DS, and that could be moved to the "boys" room for them all to share on 1/2 nights later in the week to enjoy the specialness of that - but not all week so they all get enough sleep to enjoy the holiday.

I'd say that my two really want to,share a room, would you prefer the double or twin (to Alex)Then bring a ready bed for your little one if they end up with the double. When he says can I put mine in with them, say sorry no they'll sleep til 7 if they're not disturbed and I'm not getting up at the crack of dawn for anyone on my hol

This is perfect!

I would book somewhere else nearby. I’ve been on various ‘family’ holidays in shared houses and it’s always been a nightmare in terms of disagreements about sleeping, food etc. But your family probably gets on a lot better than mine.

But it’s fair for an adult to share with a wriggly two year old? FGS stop being so bloody stubborn and put one of your kids in your room on the temp bed if they really can’t all share.

Sorry but this comment has pissed me off. It is fair for an adult to share with a wriggly 2 year old IF IT IS THEIR OWN CHILD. It's part of being a parent FFS. My 8yo did not choose to have a child so shouldn't have a weeks worth of sleepless nights by being forced to share a bed with a toddler. I will share with my toddler if needed because it's part of being his parent. Sleepless nights come with that. It's not fair to impose this on an 8yo and I'm shocked that you think it's fairer for an 8yo to have sleepless nights than an adult parent who chose to have a baby.

I'm not being stubborn. My 2yo can sleep in with me or on a readybed or whatever. I don't care where he sleeps as long as it isn't a cramped travelcot- now that I know readybeds are a thing he can have one of those. Doesn't make it fair on an 8yo child to have to share with a 2yo cousin who wakes throughout the night AND starts his day at 5am, and who upon waking will see his cousin is in the bed next to him and will wake him up to play.

Actually I have repeatedly said why don’t you have your 8yo in with you? Something you seem to constantly ignore. Or does having your kid in the room with you only apply one way when it suits you?
Also as your parents are paying, it’s their call on sleeping arrangements. They’ve done this. If you don’t like it, you need to make alternative arrangements for your children, not try to reorganise everyone else to suit your children’s needs.
Sounds like it’s not going to be fair on someone with the arrangements, whatever the outcome, but again, it’s your parents’ call if they want to prioritise your brother over your son.

There's enough room for a Travel cot or small toddler bed in each of the doubles- not really enough room for a single mattress to have 8yo in with us, but the problem is still there if the 2yos share.

One 2yo sleeps from 7pm to 7am, doesn't wake in the night. One 2yo wakes three or four times a night and needs to be settled, then wakes for the day at 5am. If the 2yos share, the waking child will disturb the other child (and if he doesn't, then the adult trying to settle the child three or four times a night will wake him).

I just feel like if you have a toddler who doesn't sleep through the night and requires settling and wakes up early, then they should sleep in with their parents. I wouldn't put my 2yo in with another child if the tables were turned.

I also recommend the readybeds for the 2yr olds. We do this every new year. A group of 5 families rent a large property, however there aren't enough beds so we bring readybeds for the little ones as they don't fit into travel cot anymore. It works a treat.

But it’s fair for an adult to share with a wriggly two year old? FGS stop being so bloody stubborn and put one of your kids in your room on the temp bed if they really can’t all share.

What the hell? Why should all the other kids be woken up by his 2 year old but he shouldn't? My youngest was a super early waker and I never put her in with other kids until she was old enough to know not to wake them all up.

Alex and cousin in twin
DH and one child in double
You and one child in other double

And this is after one of the adults has dropped out.

It would be no holiday for me if i did not get a sensible amount of sleep. Perhaps its too easy as a parent to slip into thinking that you need to parent and sleepless night come with the territory. In fact, your family appear to have outgrown the accommodation. Time for a conversation with the parents who are so generously providing accommodate that is not suitable for your current extended family.

Finally it would have been a lot easier if the other adult and 8yo were coming as there would be no room for discussion- 8yos in the twin, a double for every couple and toddlers in with their parents. It's only because there's now a spare bed in the twin room that there are issues.

I'm out for drinks this weekend with Alex anyway so might just gently raise the sleep issue and just explain that it might not be ideal for his 2yo to share with our 8yo. We get on brilliantly so there won't be an argument about it. Worst case scenario ksbthat if the 2yo wakes our 8yo on the first night, we will shuffle arrangements around then.

*It would be no holiday for me if i did not get a sensible amount of sleep.

Alex has a child who doesn’t sleep. The child who doesn’t sleep isn’t suddenly going to sleep just because they are on holiday. That is still Alex’s problem and not the 8 year old child of another couple!

While I do agree that because the 2yo wakes a lot through the night then they shouldn't be in with the other children. I do think you're being OTT about how your 8yo didn't choose to have children so shouldn't share. It's ridiculous. No I didn't choose to have siblings and cousins growing up but I can tell you that my favourite part of childhood was sharing rooms with siblings and cousins of varying ages. It's part of family holidays. You aren't going to scar your child by him sharing a room with a 2yo for 1 week. He'll be having too much fun to even care!

Sorry slim I don't have a problem with 8yo sharing a room with other children (only this particular child who is a terrible sleeper) - when I say he didn't choose to have a child, I mean that he shouldn't have to share a bed with a toddler. And I stand by that. Parents can co-sleep with their toddlers if necessary because it's part of parenting but I can't imagine at 8yo having to share a bed with a toddler. They are notoriously difficult to share a bed with. Our 2yo is a great sleeper but moves a LOT in his sleep and it will disturb our older child if they share the double, which is what some posters were suggesting.

It's only because there's now a spare bed in the twin room that there are issues.

But there isn't a spare bed in the twin room!

You were in a situation where you had eight bed spaces and ten people so the toddlers would have to sleep in carry cots. This would no longer be very workable since both toddlers have since had a growth spurt and are bigger than anticipated. But now two people aren't coming so you have eight bed spaces and eight people. Everyone should now be sleeping in a bed. The only debate should be which two people sleep in which room.

Alex is effectively saying that because he doesn't want to share a room with his son, someone else should go without a bed. Well if he feels that strongly about it maybe he should sleep on the sofa and give his bed to one of the children.

Unless he shares his room with SOMEBODY, there will not be enough bed spaces for everyone. And there doesn't seem to be any logical argument for him sharing a room with you, your husband, either of your children or either of your parents.

So that leaves him and his son, in the same room.

Can't Alex and his son have twin room if he doesn't want to share a bed and your boys share the double

I don't really get it, why have the sleeping arrangements changed just because the couple split up? If they hadn't, what would Alex's plans be for where his son would sleep, and same with yours too?

Could you not just say to Alex that you'd prefer your DS not to share with his boy due to the disturbed sleep and early waking etc? Surely he would understand. Perhaps he just hasn't thought of it.

Ethel makes a good point - there are now 8 beds for 8 people. So Alex needs to choose between sharing a bed with his DS, or sharing a room but not a bed (whether that;s the twin, or by having a readybed in with the double) with his DS - but he needs to be sharing a room with his DS at the very least.

Unfortunately, if he chooses the twin, that means you need to bring a ready bed for your DS2 so he won't wake DS8 by wriggling.

But by putting it in the context of 8 beds for 8 people, and 4 rooms for 8 people (hence 2 people per room!), it should make the conversation somewhat easier (and avoids Alex suggesting that he sleep alone and his DS in the twin with your DS8).

Thanks for clarifying op! I'm sure next year there won't be this issue as the kids will be older so will likely all want to crash in together! I hope you have a lovely time away.

Surely this is the best option if Alex doesn't want to sleep in bed with his 2yo (understandable):

Double Room 1: Your parents

Double room: You and DP, plus 2yo on the toddler bed you bring along

Double room 3: Your 8yo

Twin room: Alex and his son

The all problems are sorted, no?

I’d let Alex and his DS have the twin room.

That leaves 2 doubles for your family to use as you wish.

Personally I’d bring a ready bed for your DS (mine used one for a week at age 2 and again at age 3 and loved it). Older DS in his own room and toddler DS in with you. Or both boys in the double room with the toddler on the ready bed.

If cousin is a bad sleeper then he really needs to be in a room with his dad so as not to wake the whole house. Also my normally great sleeping toddler was not the best sleeper on holiday so having him in with us was the easiest option for keeping the peace at night

"I'm out for drinks this weekend with Alex anyway so might just gently raise the sleep issue and just explain that it might not be ideal for his 2yo to share with our 8yo. We get on brilliantly so there won't be an argument about it."

That's good! This is your brother, yes? Whose marriage has just ended?

Bear in mind that he may be rather more vulnerable than usual. Indeed, might even need to be alone with his thoughts, at bed time, during the holiday.

I would give him first pick.