About sleeping arrangements on family holiday?

[PurpleMac]

Will try to keep this simple!

Large holiday home booked for a week. three double bedrooms, one twin bedroom, one travel cot.

Originally there would have been one childless couple, then two couples who each have an 8yo and 2yo. Plan was for the 8yos to share a room, then we would bring an extra travel cot so the 2yos each have one and sleep in their parents rooms.

However one of the couple's has now split up, meaning the 8yo stepchild is also not coming.

So we have three doubles:

1. couple with no children
2. DH and I
3. single adult (let's call him Alex)

There's also a twin bedroom that our DS(8) will sleep in.

There's now some conflict over where both of the 2yos will sleep. Both have had a growth spurt in recent weeks and are too long to fit comfortably in travelcots. The other 2yo is bigger and older than our 2yo and has started sleeping in a bed at home, our 2yo is still in his cot but we are taking the side down this week. Holiday is in a month.

Both Alex and the other couple think that Alex's son should share the twin room with our DS(8) and we put DS(2) in with us in a Travel cot he won't be comfortable in. DH and I think our DS(2) should share the twin with DS(8), whilst the other 2yo can sleep in the double bed with his dad for the week.

There are two reasons for this:
Firstly, DS(2) won't be comfortable in the Travel cot and will end up coming in with DH and I anyway, meaning three of us in a double bed whilst Alex gets a double to himself every night.
Secondly, Alex's 2yo son is a bad sleeper. Wakes up at 5am every morning, and absolutely adores our DS(8) so if they are sharing a room together he will absolutely wake our DS up every morning wanting to play. He's a young 2 and won't really understand/remember if he is told the night before not to do this. Both of our DSs sleep through til 7 so wouldn't be an issue if they share, and if our younger DS did wake up early I would hear him and go get him- I'm not confident Alex would do this with his son and not sure DS(8) would be comfortable enough going to wake Alex up to let him know his son is awake.

Totally willing to hear IABU or precious if that is the case, it just doesn't seem fair to me.

*bedshare Not bedsheets

Yeah. Alex and child in twin, your 8 year old in a double with your 2 year old on the floor in the readybed.

I hear what you’re saying about resentment and your younger child, but right now you aren’t treating them like normal siblings! Sharing and fighting and making up and other shared family experiences are what makes your siblings different to friends!

Maybe Alex is planning to surprise you by bringing someone else to share his bed?

Alex and child in twin due to early waking.
Your DS and 2 year old in double - share bed or take toddler bed too.

Can you put all the dc in the twin room? One in each bed and one on a ready bed. Maybe buy your 8 year old the ready bed so he feels excited to have a special bed for himself.

Then if it doesn’t work he can’t be moved to another room with his bed.

I can see it's awkward as your brother is being a bit presumptuous. I suppose he is going through a tough time though at the moment.

I think one option could be that you get two readybeds and put each of the two year olds on floor in their parents room and let 8 year old stay in twin room on his own.

I totally get it OP as you need a solution that means the children all sleep well. When they don't the whole week gets spoilt.

“poor old Alex will be up early every morning”
It’s Alex’s child, therefore it’s Alex’s problem. Why should anyone else get up early on their holiday to deal with a child that isn’t theirs?

Where I get confused is the part where the extra bed is only free because Alex’s ex and child aren’t coming. What if they hadn’t split up? You were all perfectly happy for the 2yos to sleep in travel cots then. So why can’t they sleep in travel cots now?

I do think that both 2yo have an equal claim on the spare bed. But for the benefit of the 8yo, if he has to share with someone it should be his own sibling.

Surely it should be Alex who brings the ready bed for his 2 year old who would have been in his room anyway had circumstances not changed? Then no-one is bed sharing and all room sharing with a direct family member.

I think the OP said that they’re only going because Alex split with his partner and if he hadn’t they’d have gone to a b&b. (Forgive me if I have misunderstood.)
As couple 1 have paid for the accommodation, I’d say you all sleep where they put you. You’re their guests. If the sleeping arrangements they suggest don’t work for you, take a roll up bed (or similar) and have one if your children in with you or in with the two other children.
Logically, it does make sense for Alex to share a room with his child, but ultimately if couple 1 are paying, and you’re their guests, I’d just go with it and find another solution.

You were all perfectly happy for the 2yos to sleep in travel cots then. So why can’t they sleep in travel cots now?

Yup, mentioned in my OP that both 2yos have had very sudden growth spurts and have outgrown their travelcots, not sure this could have been predicted when the holiday was booked a year ago as both boys were 50th percentile for height a year ago and are now both 91st. It was also booked before we were matched with our DS so we had no idea then if we would eve have a child by the time this holiday came round, but as I mentioned in a PP, if Alex and his partner hadn't split up I would have found alternative accommodation (this split was 6 months ago now). Would prefer not to do that now as there is enough sleeping space in the house, and we will all be off doing our own thing during the days so the evenings are the only "family time" part of the holiday so wouldn't want our boys to miss out on that.

If Alex has paid for it all then I can see why he wants his own bed. I'd suggest a blow up bed in the twin room and do one night of all three. Agree if anyone disrupts they go I n with parents.

Alt tell him you aren't prepared to share so will book elsewhere

If you can fit a travel cot you can probably fit a toddler air mattress. I think both 2yos in with their parent(s) is fairest on everyone as then if they wake they shouldn’t wake others.

Tell Alex you aren’t happy for his child to wake your 8yo every day and if he persists with that plan you’ll be taking your 8yo elsewhere to ensure his holiday isn’t ruined. If Alex’s kid is a nuisance he needs to keep him in his own room.

Alex hasn't paid anything. Grandparents paid as they wanted to be with the grandchildren for the week.

I'm happy to have DS in with us in a readybed or in our bed but really don't want other 2yo sharing with our 8yo when he's such a bad sleeper. I'll have a word with Alex and suggest it's fine but if his child wakes 8yo then he will need to go in with his dad.

I do think my parents are making concessions for Alex because he is a single dad whereas DH and I are obviously together, and he has been going through a rough time. So his sleep is more important because he will be solo-parenting for the week (not true anyway as parents help out a LOT with Alex's 2yo) whereas DH and I will share the load. I will make concessions for him too if it makes a tough time easier for him, he's my brother and I love him, but don't think our 8yo should have to.

get readybeds for both toddlers as presents and work it out when you get there

I agree DS(8) shouldn't have to share with/feel responsible 2 year old cousin if he's going to be up at 5 every day. However, whenever we've done trips like this all kids all ages have insisted ended up sharing a room and its part of the fun. Is he v disappointed older cousin not coming?

If alex wants the 2yr old in a bed he will have to give up his and sleep on sofa.

I feel horrible, like I've made out that Alex's child is a nuisance - he really isn't. He's an adorable, sweet natured child who just happens to be an awful sleeper. He adores my older DS, and older DS adores him back. It really is just the sleep issue.

I really think you should just point out that since there are now eight spaces in a proper bed and eight people, each person should have their own bed space. Alex shouldn't have two bed spaces at the expense of one of your sons.

Whatever we all came up with, there's simply no way my 8 year old would be sharing with a toddler who'll wake him up at 5am each morning. That simply isn't acceptable.

Can't you take a blow up mattress for your toddler to sleep on?

I really think you should just point out that since there are now eight spaces in a proper bed and eight people, each person should have their own bed space. Alex shouldn't have two bed spaces at the expense of one of your sons.
This hits the nail on the head and is what you should tell your family.

I think Alex is being U, and borderline CF! There's 8 proper bed spaces and 8 people. Why on earth should he get 2 bed spaces to himself, get to disrupt your 8 year old's sleep by putting him in with a terrible sleeper, and mean you have to buy a ready bed or whatever for your toddler when there's no need.

Alex should be sharing a room with his toddler - I'd let him chose whether he does that in a double or the twin but that would be it.

@spacefighter I've already said I'll do this. Doesn't solve the issue of my 8yo having to share with other 2yo, which is my main concern.

I might suggest that since grandparents insisted on this arrangement to spend time with the grandchildren, DH and I and even Alex can chip in for a luxury apartment somewhere and leave the grandparents to it problem solved!

The thing is that none of you seem to want to compromise. Alex won’t compromise by sharing a bed with his son, you won’t compromise by your two children sharing a bed. My eldest (18) and youngest (6) shared a bed this summer on hols. Youngest has ADHD and barely sleeps - and is very loud. Wakes at 5am everyday. We’d taken a roll up mattress so our eldest could sleep somewhere else, but actually it worked out fine and they shared a bed for the whole week.
At this rate it will be a miserable holiday, because none of you seem able to compromise.
If the two year olds are that much of an issue to your 8 year old, why not have him on the roll up bed in your room?

Just let it be as your parents want it to be.
Sort the baby bed... For your child.
So many arguments start over bedrooms.
If you don't want to accept it. Don't go.