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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher man handing 4 year old DS

112 replies

Essexdarling · 17/09/2018 17:41

Aibu to want to March down the school and slap New headmaster for putting his hands on my 4yo DS?
So ds started reception last week, first full day today, in assembly he was talking, the new head yanked him off the floor by his arm and dragged him to sit with his teacher... ok so I understand reasonable force to ensure safety of students from themselves and to others etc... he’s 4! He’s talking to his friend in assembly. If he had told him to go sit with the teacher he would have! I got the story from my 2 older DD’s who were in assembly too, both same story. Should I be pulling him up for man handing my child with no good reason?! Or is this supposed to be acceptable?? Help pls (p.s no I do actually want to slap him)

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/09/2018 18:43

I would deffo go yell at him, no one puts their hands on my kid! Teacher did that to me once and my mum made her cry 😂

SugarNyx. You and your mother sound quite charming. 🙄

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:44

That only works if you train them to do it. Plenty of children ignore the clapping and just carry on

She’s only been there 3 weeks!

PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2018 18:46

She’s only been there 3 weeks!

Then the teacher has done a good job in establishing that the expectation that clapping means stop what you’re doing and copy the pattern. It doesn’t automatically work like that. As I said, in lots of other classes it doesn’t work. It’s all about how the teacher sets it up and enforces it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 17/09/2018 18:48

I find the comment “he’s not a saint” really telling, actually. You’re obviously very open to the possibility that he was being a pain in the arse.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:48

Aye ok, I was only saying I was impressed. Because I was.

riceuten · 17/09/2018 18:48

When has anyone on here ever said "a teacher used proportionate force and I agree 100% with what she/he did"?

foxotterhare · 17/09/2018 18:53

I would definitely go in and make it clear you're a mum to think twice about messing with. In a professional sort of way.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:54

I would definitely go in and make it clear you're a mum to think twice about messing with. In a professional sort of way

I really really wouldn’t, especially if he’s only just started!

PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2018 18:54

When has anyone on here ever said "a teacher used proportionate force and I agree 100% with what she/he did"?

It’s almost always impossible to say that based on a second or third hand account.

MaryH90 · 17/09/2018 18:57

I’m a teacher and have done this before (moved a child during assembly by the arm, not manhandled). The management of behaviour during assembly is different to the the way you would manage behaviour during class time, basically you need to stop the disruption without causing any disruption yourself so speaking to the child, gesturing wildly or trying to do anything other than quickly and calmly move the child would make the situation worse. There are 100 reasons why the teacher may have taken your DD by the arm rather than the hand, many four year olds won’t be sat with their hands readily available on their laps and often wouldn’t offer their hand if you asked or gestured to take it. Therefore adding more fuss tying to find and hold the hand. I would be wary of readily accepting your other children’s versions of events. Is your DD actually distressed or harmed physically or mentally in any way from the incident?

lazyarse123 · 17/09/2018 18:58

Some teachers do yank children, i was a dinner lady and have witnessed it. The teacher involved was asked to retire early and she did. I would believe your older children but would go in softly just so he knows his card is marked.

MaryH90 · 17/09/2018 18:58

Sorry that should be *DS long day at school!

donquixotedelamancha · 17/09/2018 19:03

I would definitely go in and make it clear you're a mum to think twice about messing with.

Yeah, teachers really listen to and respect THAT parent.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 17/09/2018 19:10

Your daughters say that your son was sitting on the floor and suddenly the HT marched over and yanked him?

And he was doing nothing untoward? You haven't said what your dds said your son was doing at the time he was yanked? I suppose that they probably weren't looking at their brother until the yanking moment, so, in all fairness, he could have been doing anything. Sitting quietly minding his own business, in which case the HT has obviously had some kind of funny turn, or maybe he was walloping the child next to him and the HT spotted it.

You're going to have to ask the school what led up to the yanking. Unless your daughters did see what their brother was doing at the time.

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 19:13

She said her son was talking when he shouldn’t have been.

kateandme · 17/09/2018 19:16

confused you said dragged him at first then said pulled him up an marched?

Original poster

Essexdarling · 17/09/2018 19:18

Yes he was distressed, walked home in silence and then burst into tears as soon as we got in, says he doesn’t want to go back to school. When I say he’s not a saint, I don’t mean he’s the naughtiest kid in school I just mean he’s a 4 year old, he will push boundaries and can be cheeky not rude, I’m not a nieve “not my child type” I’ve had a good chat with him about it and not talking in assembly and explained that it’s rude and disruptive to the whole room etc, he understands and said he was sorry and won’t do it again.
Lifting a child with one hand by one arm off the floor I feel is unnecessary, if anything out of the 9 children in his entire year (small village school) he could have been asked to come and sit at the side.
I’ve never said I wanted to go in guns blazing, but my first reaction was ‘how dare he manhandle my child’, I spoke to my 2 dd’s separately and both gave me the same version of events.

OP posts:

foxotterhare · 17/09/2018 19:19

donquixotedelamancha

Depends how it's done. If it makes them think twice about hauling off my 4 year old, I'm not sure I particularly value their 'respect'. Job done.

Wolfiefan · 17/09/2018 19:21

Manhandle? You don’t know he did.
Cheeky? That IS rude if it happens at school and maybe in an assembly.
Starting anything to do with school with a “how dare they” attitude is unhelpful and unlikely to get the issue resolved.

Walkerbean16 · 17/09/2018 19:23

why do 4 year olds need to be in assembly? it's ridiculous, they should be in classrooms learning through play with short periods of sitting (ie no more than 20 minutes at a time)

the teacher should have not pulled your child up, there is no reason to touch a child unless you are stopping them from hurting themselves or others.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 19:23

I still think you need to calmly find out what happened.

As protective big sisters, your DDs aren’t unbiased. Nor is your son.

It’s worth finding out and keeping a good relationship with the school, before deciding how to proceed.

Original poster

Essexdarling · 17/09/2018 19:27

Sorry kateandme, let me clarify he was sitting cross legged on the floor, he was lifted by the standing HT off the floor by way of one hand round the top of his arm until he stood and pulled by said grip on his arm to where the HT wanted him to sit. I would say that’s dragged tbh but apparently I’m just going to get picked apart on here for being concerned for my son.

OP posts:

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 19:28

Is he marked?

Wolfiefan · 17/09/2018 19:28

No you’re being picked apart by going batshit before calmly asking the school what happened and why.

Original poster

Essexdarling · 17/09/2018 19:32

Haven’t gone batshit at anyone. As I said I came home and when I was told what had happened, that was my first reaction, I then called my mum who works in a School, she said that’s excessive, I came in here to get another unbiased view. Wish I hadn’t have bothered. Have fun on those high horses, night all!! Thanks to anyone that offered a genuine input on the situation, I’ll have a quiet word with his teacher tomorrow and ask them to inform me of any further disruptive behaviour.

OP posts:

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