About the girls in the changing room?

[thewayoftheplatypus]

Will try to keep this brief. DS is almost 6 and swims on a Monday after school. There are 2 changing rooms- one for boys and one for girls. Since we came back from the school holidays 2 new girls have started in the class- their dad brings them. And he chooses to change them in the boys changing room.

Obviously this makes the boys (including my son) very uncomfortable. There is a queue for the toilets they to change in, because they don’t want the girls to see me then naked in the open plan changing rooms. The girls are around 7. The boys at the swim club range between the age of 4-11.

Aibu to want the dad to change them in the girls changing rooms? Would I be unreasonable to say something? Or should he not be in the girls changing rooms because he is a man? (This would have never occurred to me but is the only answer I can think of!)

Swimming teacher here yabu do you expect a grown man to go into the female changing rooms.Common sense says no it’s not appropriate for an adult man in a female changing rooms.

Surely age 7 they can get changed themselves? I think that’s a bit old unless they have special needs. Which they might. In which case maybe they should use the cubicle so the boys aren’t freaking out.

The dad definitely can’t change them in the girls changing room. The girls are probably old enough to go in themselves I would have thought?

The amount of times we have to tell people this is ridiculous. If my dh took my dd he would go in the Male changing rooms.

They should be getting changed in the girls changing room, by themselves. No need to have their Dad there.

Dad can't go in the female changing rooms. General rule is 8 year olds go in the appropriate sex changing room. Before that they go in the same sex as the adult taking them.

Why don't you pop your sons swimming trunks under some joggers then he can just whip on and off at the poolside? An adult man clearly cannot go into the girls changing room.

I find it a bit odd that 7yos are so discomfitted by members of the opposite sex in their changing room. Do they not still change for PE in the classroom at that age?

Up until around the age of 8 children who need help from a parent to change should change in the right changing room for the parent.

I am amazed a 5 year old cares enough to be bothered tbh!

My son would not have been brave enough to go in a changing room without me before 8. To be honest, it took a lot of cajoling and preparation to get him to do it.
The girls changing rooms may be better but many boys changing rooms are rife with pranksters etc.

I am genuinely surprised that your 5 year old gives it a second thought! My ds is nearly 7 and still gets changed with me in the ladies and I think he’s pretty much oblivious to other children getting changed around him.
Rule at our leisure centre is that at 8 they must go in to the appropriate changing room which feels about right to me.

The dad can't go into the women's changing rooms!

If the girls are 7 then they'd be within the policy for most pools of accompanying a parent to the correct changing room for the sex of the parent- you'd have to check your own pool's policy, but for many pools the cutoff age is 8.

Is there not a family change room at the pool?

The child should change in the changing appropriate to the adults sex. So yes you are being very unreasonable. As a mum of boys I wouldn’t walk into a male changing room and change my sons? (When they were young)

"Obviously this makes the boys very uncomfortable"

Does it? Wouldn't have bothered anyone I know.

It's utterly unreasonable to expect him to go into the girls changing rooms though, current "paedo in every corner" environment being as it is.

But women take their seven year old (and often older) sons into the female changing rooms all the time. If girls/women are uncomfortable with it they are just told they need to suck it up and stop being so hysterical. How is what this dad doing any different?

Surely they still get changed for pe in their classroom at school with both sexes? I really completely fail to see any issue with this.

So the girls can't be in the boys changing rooms so the boys don't feel uncomfortable (fair enough), but what about every woman and girl in the girls changing room, should they be ok with Dad in the ladies?

The girls need to change alone really is the solution but I thought the age in opposite sexed changing rooms was generally around 8, so it depends on the policy of your pool

Sorry if I wasn’t clear, these aren’t public baths. It is a private pool and only kids are in there for their lessons- no adults changing. And also no cubicles.

To the posters expressing surprise at his discomfort- it surprised me too! The NSPCC came into school for a talk about the underpants rule/safety etc last week, and he has been very conscious of anyone seeing him naked since!

Thanks for the replies though- I’ll concede that IABU and wind my neck in!

If it makes your son uncomfortable at 5 it must be due to your input as at that age most children wouldn’t care. The dad is correct, yabu.

I wouldn't let a 7 year old be alone and unsupervised in a public place outside my line of sight with their clothes off! So YABU I'm afraid.

It is a private pool and only kids are in there for their lessons- no adults changing.

So you expect a grown man to go into the girls changing rooms where there will be other unknown little girls changing there? Really now?

I'm afraid if the dad wants to be in with them when they change then they must use the boys changing room, DD8 has been changing on her own since she was 7 as she refused to change in the boys and DP isn't allowed in the female changing room.

^^ Agree with Caligula. Not really happy with any primary age child being in such a situation but rules tend to be 8 years old so have to go with it or no swimming lessons.

I take my 7 yr old DD into the men's changing at the baths. I've recently started suggesting that she could get changed in the ladies but she's never been in there so is understandably nervous. One of my female friends has offered to take her swimming so hopefully she'll get used to it.

YABU of course he will change them in the male changing room. Same as I take my sons into female toilets.

I don't think there should be an adult in the changing room with the boys, tbh. It's open plan, I wouldn't have wanted my son to be getting changed with an adult stranger there when it's all little boys changing together with no other adults in there.