About the girls in the changing room?

[thewayoftheplatypus]

Will try to keep this brief. DS is almost 6 and swims on a Monday after school. There are 2 changing rooms- one for boys and one for girls. Since we came back from the school holidays 2 new girls have started in the class- their dad brings them. And he chooses to change them in the boys changing room.

Obviously this makes the boys (including my son) very uncomfortable. There is a queue for the toilets they to change in, because they don’t want the girls to see me then naked in the open plan changing rooms. The girls are around 7. The boys at the swim club range between the age of 4-11.

Aibu to want the dad to change them in the girls changing rooms? Would I be unreasonable to say something? Or should he not be in the girls changing rooms because he is a man? (This would have never occurred to me but is the only answer I can think of!)

Hang on a minute, are you mum or dad? Which changing room are you in?

Maybe chat with him about what he was taught? It sounds like he's worried or frightened and maybe you can help with that?

Well on these kind of threads it usually girls who get told to suck it up so the boys can do the same.

Dad cannot go into the female changing room so he is doing the right thing.

I pulled my daughter out of her swimming lessons (years ago) because there were so many adult males in the girls changing room. Some of whom would actually stand watching the girls as there own DDs didn’t need help dressing etc. DH always waited outside when he took DD but other dads were going in even with older girls.

DD was quite relieved to not have to get changed there anymore.

Over 6 years and no SEN should be able to get changed by themselves. Under six years or SEN should be in the changing room appropriate to the gender of the adult accompanying them.

"Well on these kind of threads it usually girls who get told to suck it up so the boys can do the same"

Exactly. And from the mad-parallel-universe that is MN, until the boys in question are about 24!

I think it is wrong for any place which has children's classes where clothes are changed and fails to comply with NSPCC child safety programs and suggestions.
They NSPCC are trying to protect children from abuse and parents need to take this seriously.

You are a dad?

You are not changing, you are only accompanying your son, who is six. Are you in the men’s changing room.

A dad, who is also not changing comes into your, the men’s changing room with two girls.

Your son and the other boys feel unhappy with this.

Is this it?

But women take their seven year old (and often older) sons into the female changing rooms all the time. If girls/women are uncomfortable with it they are just told they need to suck it up and stop being so hysterical. How is what this dad doing any different?

But they're boys you know. Who must never feel uncomfortable. Unlike the current advice to girls who feel uncomfortable when confronted with male bodies in their changing rooms.

H,mmmmmmm

Well, if he's taking his girls swimming, where else is he supposed to take them?
I mean, he can hardly take them into the women's changing rooms, can he.
Makes a change, it's usually moaning the other way round on here!
In this case, some mixed sex/gender neutral changing rooms would make sense as that way parents of the opposite sex can easily take their children swimming with no problems.

We used to ride our bikes almost two miles to the public swimming pool when we were little kids - all under the age of 10. No mum's and dad's with us let alone helping us change our clothes. We did it all ourselves.

I find it incredibly entertaining to read what the UK is like now.

I've lived abroad for over 45 years and in the nearby very small town you see little kids riding their bikes or walking through town in their swimming get and towels to go to the pool every day in the summer.

haha we were always told to scream and run if we suspected a pervert was after us - now you allow them in the kids changing rooms.

What the fuckety fuck has happened there????

Are you a Mum or a Dad? Because of you are Mum then you should be in the female changing rooms with your DS.

haha we were always told to scream and run if we suspected a pervert was after us - now you allow them in the kids changing rooms. What the fuckety fuck has happened there????

Sorry, but what? {confused] it's a dad in the male changing room with his children, swimming. Just like a mum taking her children swimming would do. Not exactly sure what your mind's jumping to or going on about, to be honest!

YABU.
Absolutely normal for dc of either sex to be in the same changing room as their parent up until they are 8.
I'm more confused as to why this would bother a 5 yr old ?

@thewayoftheplatypus- also interested in whether you are Mum or dad.

My DS (13) will happily get changed anyway with anyone else present. My DD has been unwilling to be naked in front of strangers since the age of about 5. It's nothing to do with how kids are brought up, it's about individual sense of comfort and dignity

If I were the dad in this situation, I'd send the two girls into the girls changing room to get into their swim stuff but help them with things like their swimming hats by the poolside (those buggers are rather tricky for small kids to get right on their own)

We had a local pool that decided !4! year olds should be in their own sex changing room. I was not ok with my 4 year old son changing in the men's so I had him change at home and put a tshirt on. Then he just walked through the men's and met me the other side and slipped off his shirt. Perhaps you could have your son change into his swim shorts at school before leaving and then he won't have to deal with it.

DS wore a robe over his swim trunks home.

Why do you think an adult man in the women’s change room is more acceptable than little girls in the men’s?
Are you going into the men’s with your sons??

In this case, some mixed sex/gender neutral changing rooms would make sense as that way parents of the opposite sex can easily take their children swimming with no problems

In this case OP has explained there are 2 changing rooms- one for boys and one for girls.
Which changing room do you propose should allow all and sundry in and which should stay as sex segregated?

Sorry for slow replies- doing dinner.
I am a mum taking my sons into the boys changing room (along side around 20 other mums!) As this is a children’s pool (in a school) and at a children’s swimming lesson there are no men or women changing in either changing room, if that helps

So there are loads of adult women in the boys' changing rooms already? How do two little girls make a difference?

Tbh the swimming pool needs to be clearer about the policy for younger children as it seems some people (the dad) are going in the room appropriate for their sex and some are going into the room appropriate for their children's sex (you and the other mums) - it should be clear which is correct at this pool!

I’m with Bobby, if there are already women in the boys then why does two girls makenhim uncomfortable?

If you say the club is for ages 4-11 then they really need to review their changing policy as many 11 year olds would not want opposite sex adults in their changing space.

In a school changing room I would expect to use the changing room appropriate for the child. So YANBU.

I'm also amazed a 5 year old cares. My eldest is in Y2 and they still strip off after swimming right in the middle of the playground if they get a chance.

As others have said lots (but not all) 7 year olds still need help - obviously a fully grown man can't be in the girl's changing room! So girls have to come in the men's!

Also as PP have said - they're happy with fully grown women but not two little girls? Also what if a man was in the changing room trying to get changed?!