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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she's being a right CF?

503 replies

itchybumhole · 17/09/2018 13:50

A bit of background first, and I'll try my best to give all the relevant information, but as I don't know much about the workings of the system I'm unsure what I need to include.

My partner split with his wife 3 years ago after 13 years together and 7 years of marriage. They have an 11 year old child together. Their marriage ended very acrimoniously after a series of infidelities on her part.
When they separated he immediately moved out of the family home with just his personal belongings and stayed with his parents until he could find a rental place. Since leaving he has paid her child maintenance by private agreement on a weekly basis.

She has today received a letter from HRMC saying she needs to repay tens of thousands of pounds in overpaid tax credits. The tax credits were paid to her during the time that he had left the family home. (He's always worked full time. When he left she went on to benefits. She hasn't worked in 13 years apparently).
The notice says that if she claimed as a couple then both parties must repay, so she called him today and said he's liable for half. His answer was... but how can I be? I have receipts for rent paid to my own house. I didn't benefit from this overpayment so why should I pay half back?
We're both so confused. What does he do now? I've told him to call HRMC but he's still smarting from the phone call from his ex wife. We're these benefits claimed fraudulently? And is he liable to repay half as she insists?
Thank you for any help or advice.

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/09/2018 12:07

Oh cringe!

Why do so many people do this? Rush headlong into other people’s business and try and take over?

Motoko · 20/09/2018 12:33

It won't be profitable if you're going halves on buying it, as the profit will be half, and the returns on a single property, after mortgage and tax is taken into account, won't be very high. It's madness to even consider it.

itchybumhole · 20/09/2018 12:35

Haha, it's ok. Don't panic, but yes... I'm considering it.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 20/09/2018 12:56

Why - do you think she would rent it back otherwise what would be the point

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 13:49

Honestly, you shouldn't be considering it. The only reason I can think you would is your desperate to be tied to this man.

If he wishes to make a commitment to you he will. Buying half his house ain't going to make him stay.

ExFury · 20/09/2018 14:31

Buy to let? With the ex in situ? You realise if his children live there and he owns any part of it then housing benefits cannot he claimed.

BobLemon · 20/09/2018 14:46

Well there's 25 minutes of my life I'll never get back 😁

Started reading because it sounded interesting... got jaw-droppingly derailed somewhere in the middle... sounds like it's finishing okay :)

Update us in the future itchy!

itchybumhole · 20/09/2018 15:32

Please people. I didn't ask your advise on the house situation. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he'd say no as he already had another plan in motion.

OP posts:
itchybumhole · 20/09/2018 15:35

I wasn't ever considering buying the house to keep her in as a tenant. It's in a perfect location and would be a good investment. Bricks and mortar don't tie you to anyone, it would be purely business with the added bonus of helping him out.

OP posts:
Frazzledkate · 20/09/2018 15:59

Just having a read of the thread for the first time.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and your partner sounds a good one. You will get through this. Felt the need to say it after the amount of crap been written.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/09/2018 16:05

😂😂😂

itchybumhole · 20/09/2018 16:46

Thank you Frazzled. x

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 17:34

I wasn't ever considering buying the house to keep her in as a tenant

What you'd evict her and the kid? She couldn't rent there?

Are you loooking to buy the whole house or with him as halves? And if you can afford a second house, why do you have debts? And if you buy his family home with him as in half each, of course you're tied to each other,

It doesn't really make sense.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/09/2018 18:26

Don’t be silly bluntness, it makes total sense. it’s a solid business investment. With a man she’s known “a matter of months”, who has shit credit, can’t get a loan, and lied about his address to apply for the last loan he was refused. (All of which he kept to himself until he was pressed) not to mention the fact it will involve a lengthy legal process to evict his children from their home if his ex refuses to leave. I’m sure he’ll be up for that after OP has coughed up the cash to buy the house. What could possibly go wrong? It’s a great plan. water tight I tell ya.

Frazzledkate · 20/09/2018 18:57

If I was op, I wouldn't bother explaining or justifying myself further.

You know what you're doing op. There's a right few on this thread. Whatever you say, it would be wrong.

Many bitter women here on MN.

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 19:33

Many bitter women here on MN

Yes, that's what it is, we are all bitter women. Glad you spotted that and informed us all. And the op should horse in there and buy it.

Any other pearls for her?🤣

Frazzledkate · 20/09/2018 20:19

Who's we are all bluntness? There aren't many of you thank goodness. Anyway, I'm not here to argue so won't be conversing anymore with you on here. I've said my piece to the op. Enjoy your last word Grin

Motoko · 20/09/2018 20:20

I'm not sure why warning someone that buying a half share of a house that's currently the family home, is not a good idea, makes us bitter women.

And it may be all business like, but I spent a lot of time on a housing forum and read too many tales of woe by people who thought what they were doing was a good decision at the time, but then it came back and bit them on their arse.

I can see the things that could go wrong, and it's not easy to force the sale of a house or get your share back if the other person won't play ball.

I'm sure most people have had a relationship that seemed great in the first few months or years, but then went wrong. Or perhaps something happens, and OP needed to access the money tied up in the house. It could take months and a lot of stress to access it.

Pointing these things out, doesn't make me bitter. I don't have a problem with her partner, unlike a certain poster who shall remain nameless. I just think that buying the house is a very bad idea.

Lawrence22 · 20/09/2018 20:52

Please PLEASE can I just reiterate the advice that a few PP have given- tell your DP to GET A PROHIBITED STEPS ORDER!!

Threatening to take a child that distance from a parent is just low. And anyone going down that path can't be trusted. I'd get a legal agreement drawn up, but also the PSO. If contact is shared, your DP would have a really strong case. And evidence of a threat to move unless he helps bail her out of benefit fraud??? Well, I can guess where a judge's sympathies would lie!

I don't care if her benefit fraud has left moving to be with new partner as the best financial option for her. That's her tough shit.

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 20:59

Lol

"I'm going to call you all bitter women and then I'm going to stomp my tiny feet and fuck off out of it"

Eh ok then, don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

PrickWhittington · 20/09/2018 23:35

Don’t be silly bluntness, it makes total sense. it’s a solid business investment. With a man she’s known “a matter of months”, who has shit credit, can’t get a loan, and lied about his address to apply for the last loan he was refused. (All of which he kept to himself until he was pressed) not to mention the fact it will involve a lengthy legal process to evict his children from their home if his ex refuses to leave. I’m sure he’ll be up for that after OP has coughed up the cash to buy the house. What could possibly go wrong? It’s a great plan. water tight I tell ya

Now now - no need to be bitter....... Grin

PrickWhittington · 20/09/2018 23:43

Bricks and mortar don't tie you to anyone

Oh dear. Is that a serious comment?

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/09/2018 23:53

Grin prick

itchybumhole · 21/09/2018 02:08

I'm in a position that i don't really have to worry too much about money and I don't really see why it's an issue for the troll hunters here. Live and let live, always my moto.
Peace, mother fuckers. x

OP posts:
itchybumhole · 21/09/2018 09:09

Thank you Motoko, I really do need to have a long hard think about what I'm doing. I'm going off the idea the more I think about it.

I'm not suggesting turfing the ex wife out ffs. He wants to leave. 🙄

And also thank you Frazzled, I see most people have moved off now to get on with their lives. It's just the likes of Smurf and Ceilingfan and Bluntness who keep trying to stick the knife in. I know the vast majority of people here think they're pathetic, so you're right...I won't continue to engage with the fuckwits.

Thanks again everyone. x

OP posts:
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