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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she's being a right CF?

503 replies

itchybumhole · 17/09/2018 13:50

A bit of background first, and I'll try my best to give all the relevant information, but as I don't know much about the workings of the system I'm unsure what I need to include.

My partner split with his wife 3 years ago after 13 years together and 7 years of marriage. They have an 11 year old child together. Their marriage ended very acrimoniously after a series of infidelities on her part.
When they separated he immediately moved out of the family home with just his personal belongings and stayed with his parents until he could find a rental place. Since leaving he has paid her child maintenance by private agreement on a weekly basis.

She has today received a letter from HRMC saying she needs to repay tens of thousands of pounds in overpaid tax credits. The tax credits were paid to her during the time that he had left the family home. (He's always worked full time. When he left she went on to benefits. She hasn't worked in 13 years apparently).
The notice says that if she claimed as a couple then both parties must repay, so she called him today and said he's liable for half. His answer was... but how can I be? I have receipts for rent paid to my own house. I didn't benefit from this overpayment so why should I pay half back?
We're both so confused. What does he do now? I've told him to call HRMC but he's still smarting from the phone call from his ex wife. We're these benefits claimed fraudulently? And is he liable to repay half as she insists?
Thank you for any help or advice.

OP posts:
sprinklesandsauce · 19/09/2018 17:58

I agree that it is most likely the new partner moving in that has triggered this. Did she inform the council tax that she was no longer entitled to the 25% discount? I doubt it, but if her new parter registered anything at that address, then he could now be linked to her, and it is up to her to prove that they are not partners, or that they were from a certain date.

She has totally and utterly brought this upon herself, it has nothing do to with your DP, even if it was the loan that triggered it, she made a decision to commit benefit fraud. She made that decision, nobody held a gun to her head.

The threat of moving DD several hours away just proves what a nasty person she is. Pay up or lose your DD.

Your DP needs to stand firm on this and not get involved.

theworldistoosmall · 19/09/2018 19:45

So self-employed cannot refer to doing something for a living? Wow. Learn something new every day. From tomorrow I will just say I am self-employed. When people question this, I will just repeat SE.
Rather than Hi, I escort for a living or whatever.
Fuck me some people will find fault in anything.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 19/09/2018 21:17

The ex is either trying to blackmail your DP for money or is genuinely thinking of moving. The second he thinks its the later he needs to see a family lawyer and either get full residency or stop her taking his daughter away. She has brought this upon herself.

Smurf is just a Troll.

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2018 21:27

Yeah, I'm not sure what smurf is doing here, their objective is solely to discredit and attack the op, to ensure she, and we, think her partner is at fault.

You see a lot of shit on here, some very odd things, but this looks like a personal vendetta. The poster is going after the op for some reason.

Christ alone knows what that is.

itchybumhole · 19/09/2018 21:41

Maybe Smurf is DP's ex wife?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/09/2018 21:44

Well I'm guessing she's AN ex wife,,,whose though I couldn't begin to guess,

SmurfandTurf · 19/09/2018 22:00

This reply has been deleted

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ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 19/09/2018 22:20

Good god some ridiculous shit on this thread.

If he can provide evidence of an alternative address from when he moved out that will be that. The loan application might have triggered the investigation but hmrc is going to make her pay everything back based on one declined loan application on the former marital home soon after separation if he has proof he lived elsewhere.

No one actually knows what's going on if her boyfriend lives with her or when he moved in. That's her own business.

It's totally another matter of whether he wants to help pay for the debt for his daughters sake.

Logits · 19/09/2018 22:24

SmurfandTurf why not just report the thread and move on?

SmurfandTurf · 19/09/2018 22:27

Because it’s funny!

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2018 22:32

Smurf, you do understand troll hunting, and especially repeated troll hunting is not acceptable on mumsnet, no matter how "funny" you find it?

SmurfandTurf · 19/09/2018 22:35

This reply has been deleted

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YouTheCat · 19/09/2018 22:37

How's it funny to be deliberately obtuse and troll hunt?

Cardiganandcuppa · 19/09/2018 22:53

She’s probably drunk.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 19/09/2018 23:15

Has smurf been banned about time or is all her posts just being censored?

itchybumhole · 19/09/2018 23:58

Thank you all for your help, it's been invaluable. He's going to attempt to buy her out of the house one way or another, but on condition she stays local. He's just in talks with family members, because he's not exactly able to secure the finances right now.
Wish we'd been together longer... I could help him. I'm miles off suggesting it, and need to think how I can benefit too, but the cogs are turning.
I think we'll all be okay. SmileThanks

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 20/09/2018 00:40

Glad to hear it Itchy, stay strong, sounds like you have caught a good one.

HeebieJeebies456 · 20/09/2018 01:18

on condition she stays local

he would be a fool to take her word on this and has no way of ensuring this unless he gets the PSO.

itchybumhole · 20/09/2018 01:35

Yes, he needs to get legal advice and get some sort of binding agreement put in place.
I'm thinking perhaps I could buy her out... but I don't really know how that would work and if it would go in my favour? I trust him implicitly, but I'm not daft so need to cover my back.

Once again, thanks (mostly) all. Thanks

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 09:29

Why would you possibly buy her out? You and this guy have only been together a few months and don't even live together. Why would you possibly consider buying half their house?

Motoko · 20/09/2018 09:55

I agree with Bluntness, don't get involved with buying half the house. You've only been together a few months.

CottonTailRabbit · 20/09/2018 09:57

You are taking far too much responsibilty for his problems. From starting this thread to the idea of buying off his ex for him. It is nice to be sympathetic and want to support him. Be careful of trying to jump in and rescue though.

He hasn't even seen a solicitor yet and you are already assuming he can't succeed and you'll need to ride in on your white charger. Give him more credit! He is a grown up. Let him get on with his own solution finding.

itchybumhole · 20/09/2018 11:37

As an investment. A buy to let. x

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 20/09/2018 11:50

OP you cannot possibly be seriously considering getting involved and buying it as a buy to let.

Let them sort it out, support him yes dont enable him

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 11:57

You can't be serious on trying to buy it as a buy to let. That's nuts.

If you wish to go into rental properties. Find the right one. Do not buy half his ex wife's house.

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