I want to send my DC to nursery... DM doesn't want me to

[ohshitonit]

My 2. 5 year old has suddenly become frightened of other kids, a 5 year old got in his face recently and it seems to have scared him.

His speech is quite behind as he had glue ear which is now resolved. He's at home with me and his 2 younger siblings most days. He goes to Nanny's sometimes. I am unable to manage all 3 at playgroups, we go to the shops and park often but a playgroup would be too much for me to manage.

So, my son doesn't get much social interaction with other toddlers, my health visitor thinks he would benefit from nursery, I don't love the idea of nursery as love him being here but I know he needs more. I was thinking maybe 2 mornings a week, it's an extra expense but whatever he needs.

My DM is really against it, she says she will have him 1 x day a week, but I explained its the social stuff he needs. So she said she would take him to a playgroup. She thinks he is too young for nursery and he won't benefit at this age and as I don't need childcare it's unnecessary and cruel.

What do I do? Me and my mum have different standards and I find she makes his behaviour bad really, when he goes he is allowed on the tablet for as long as he wants, he's allowed to reject his dinner for sweets and puddings because "it doesn't matter as long as he eats" so when he comes home he is truly awful when we try to take the tablet off him and rejects his dinner (I will only replace with toast).

Is nursery likely to be beneficial? I feel shit for not being able to take him to playgroups and I think my mum is trying to guilt me for having 3 close together and says I should just try to manage it but I simply can't, it's stressful and I won't be able to keep them safe.

Send to nursery. Your baby your choice. Others can give their advice but it’s up to you to choose what advice to take.

I’d send him in a heartbeat, sitting on a tablet most of the day won’t help him develop skills with dealing with other children his age and older.

I didn't need to send my daughter to nursery but chose to at 14 months. She is an only child so far and was with grandparents and friends as child care whilst I work full time. I've put her in nursery 1 full day per week soon to increase. It's taken 4 visits for her to get used to it but now she absolutely loves it and is so good with other children now. Do it! Not too young at all and will get your DC ready for school.

You are the parent, your mother gets no say. I'd say thanks for the advice, ignore it and put him in nursery. You can always take him back out if he doesn't enjoy it. My DS is 2 in January and really loves going to nursery one day a week.

Why can't you take him to playgroups? I had 3 under 2.5 and I used to take them all to bounce and rhyme at the library. I also took my toddler to a dance lesson which didn't require parental input so I could look after the babies.

You can do it!

I don't think his grandmother minding him is going to help with socialisation.

Good luck, it's hard work having 3 close together.

You are his mother so it is your choice. My kids went to nursery from age 1 (I work) and they loved it. Go and have a look at some nurseries, and then make your mind up. You could always try it for a few months, if it doesnt work out, then take your child out again.

I'm afraid it's not her business or her decision. It's in your child's interests, and that's all that matters.
Indo understand how hard it is with glue ear- they can get so frustrated and upset when people don't understand them or they don't hear/understand others; they miss out on so much.
I always knew when my youngest's ears were getting bad again, as his behaviour would nose-dive.
Having him out for a few hours will also give you more quality time with the younger ones, which they need too.
Good luck

Ps double buggy for toddlers and sling for baby is how I used to get around. Baby often stayed in sling at playgroup or snoozed in pram giving me more hands for mobile toddlers.

Nursery sounds like a great idea. Do it. You can always take him out and try again if it doesn’t work out. Could your mum have one of the younger ones so you can attend toddler groups, or go with you?

Nursey.

Oh, love, do what you think is right for your child.
I would say to your mum that she could help by going along with you and all 3 to playgroups and/or taking DS1 to play sessions/library stuff as well.
My 3 all went to nursery from age 1 (DS1 from 6 months actually) and I think they all benefitted. Find a lovely setting.

I sent my eldest to preschool at 2.5 exactly for his benefit not mine. I do think a lovely preschool has advantages over playgroup for some kids because he'll be socialising with the same children every day. Without mummy to cling to he might be more adventurous about making new friends (other kids are able to be more socially confident with a parent there). Some children do better with 1-1 playdates at first others do better with lots of different children to choose their playmates from. Some like structure others like free range. He's your child so I would trust your instincts about what is best for him. If nursery is too much you could find a nice childminder with similar ages children.

*Nursery...

Have you looked at preschools? 2.5 is a usual age to start this sort of thing and the focus is definitely on early education rather than childcare. Usually just mornings in term time. Kids go without you, learn to adapt to a more institutional setting, how to deal with other kids etc.

nursery definitely!

Have a look at childminders instead. Loads of social outings and interaction.

@livingthegoodlife I struggled quite badly with PND and anxiety a year ago, I'm OK now but having all 3 at groups seems to stress me out especially now that my son spends his time there sitting in a corner looking sad.

My DD is 2.9 and loves nursery. Been going just after she turned 2, send your little one to nursery.

Child minder good idea too. They usually take the little ones to groups as well. We used a nursery as needed reliability for work but that’s not an issue for you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

It's nothing to do with her.
We sent DS to nursery school when he was 3 so he could be with other kids. He'd rather grown out of our play group by then.

Find a good pre school and send him in 2 half days. It would only be 6 hours to pay for per week and only for 6 months till his free hours kick in. You might even be able to tie it in with a baby group for the 2 little ones and a wander home via the park... quality time all around!

Do what you believe is best for you and your child I'm sorry but it not up to your mum. My dd is just over 2.5years old and really enjoys pre school. Her speech and has come on leaps and bounds and has alot more confidence then before she used to be very clingy for me but it's getting alot better now.

You’re a grown woman with 3 children- who gives a fuck what your mum thinks?

Yes i would guess it would be hugely beneficial. Playgroups aren’t the same thing at all, he needs to learn to form ongoing relationships independantly.

I bet you’ll find he’ll come on leaps and bounds- being at home with younger siblings isn’t very stimulating and playgroups aren’t really important at all.

Definitely nursery. My ds started at 2 and came on leaps and bounds. After a year, He was much better at sharing, his speech improved, he had a wider vocabulary, was much more open to new foods and new experiences. He learned from other children things like hand washing without being reminded and being tidy.
And he loved it.

Two mornings a week of nursery or childminder sounds like an excellent idea - he’ll probably love it.

But I also urge you to try a playgroup. If you can manage a trip to the park with 3 children under 3, a playgroup will be a doddle. I used to go to a lovely one in the village hall, run by volunteers. Once we arrived, we had a tea/coffee and biscuit (all for £1 entry!). We were in a large room (so no worries about children running off) and there were loads of activities and other mums/helpers to help out. If you are playing with your younger 2, there will be someone there to help your older child with craft/painting etc. Or he’ll likely just run off and find some toys to play with. Some playgroups are better than others, but there is bound to be one near you like the one I went to.