Grandparents, Newborn and hygiene

[AperolSprizting]

My partner and I after a long battle have recently become parents after a long battle and have a 7 week old DC.

We’re having real trouble with my parents and their hygiene around them. First off before anyone asks yes I do have hygiene related OCD my parents know (started in a previous pg) but I think despite that how I feel is normal.

Basically I don’t want anyone holding my baby without washing their hands and having a sqoosh of sanitiser and I don’t want them touching babies hands or kissing them on the face, everything else fine. I know I’m not been too mad as we were given a sheet on the importance of it and handwashing technique in hospital.

At first we had a real battle on to get my DP to wash hands and also to take their shoes off when coming upstairs to the nursery (I have 5 month old cream carpet on my stairs and landing as well)! They are better at this abs not kissing his face but they will not stop touching baby’s hands I’m not too worried after they’ve washed them at mine but would rather they didn’t as DC puts them in his mouth a lot. Despite me asking them not to every time they see him they still do it!!! It’s starting to upset me which they can see and I’ve been having to make sure the scratch mitts are folded over in DC’s grows or that he has separate mitts on, I can then whip these off/back when they go. Any way this wknd they were desperate to see him but we had lots of plans so they came and met us whilst we were out shopping. And again they would not stop touching his hands!!! I mean FFS it’s bad enough when they’re at mine but out and about when you’re touching cars machines, ticket machines and door handles why would you then go and continually stroke a newborn’s hands, this happened several time’s when both mine and DP’s attention was diverted for a few seconds, plus we’d forgotten to put mitts on as didn’t think we’d be seeing them.

I’m pissed off because they continue to do something I’ve asked them not to and upset as now because of my OCD I can’t stop thinking about it and feeling super, super anxious so it’s ruined what should have been a nice weekend. I feel it’s also creating an atmosphere between me my DH and my DM and DF as we were reluctant to see them and this is becoming obvious. I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents and can’t understand when they are so obsessed with DC why they keep doing this.

What can I do or say because nothing so far has worked.

OP, I think you need some support from your HV or GP with this.

If your fear is stopping you from letting your (from what it seems) nice, normal and loving family seeing and developing a relationship with your dc then that’s not fair on anyone, most of all ds.

dinosaurkisses

Oh I see. I think it’s important to get the balance right.
For me, my concern was the herpes virus, and not colds so much.
I do think hands should be washed before touching a newborn though. There was no way that people visited me without washing their hands before touching my babies.
That’s just basic common sense, surely.

Agree with pp. You are preventing your baby's immune system from doing the job it needs to do.

Also, cream carpet on the stairs
Yes, shoes off in the house but there's a whole load of stress that could have been avoided with a more child friendly colour.

que not cue as in snooker

AmyLou you were right the first time! It's cue. Que is French for that/what/than etc. Queue is the line you stand in. But cue the music is cue.

(off topic, I know).

@AmyLou14, you were right the first time, cue is correct, que isn't a word in English and queue is incorrect here.

Ah cross post!!

Your baby needs kisses and hand holds to develop emotionally. You need to relax a bit about this for your baby.

www.bbc.com/future/story/20151118-can-you-be-too-clean

I haven't read the full thread, but I read babies put there hands in their mouths so they can develop immunity's. If your always washing hands ect he won't come in contact with them or be able to develop.
I would say that so long as they are washing after using the toilet and following basic hygiene then that's ok.

@itchytights I'm only quoting what the doctor told her. The child was in intensive care from a cold

I can only echo what everyone else has said. Not allowing anyone to touch a babies hands is madness. They’ll just start to disengage with you all if you do this.

I agree with the other posters. Babies need to be touched to develop emotionally and to allow their immune systems to develop. The hands and face have a great deal of nerve endings and are easily stimulated giving the baby soothing sensations which are laid down in their neural pathways. I think you need to get help with your fears as this is not a normal way to feel.

Fair enough kissing, but not touching his hands 🙄 that's what you do with babies, you play with their little fingers and let them hold your finger. It's normal!
Yes to washing hands when coming in and yes to no kissing but touching not touching there hands is a bit extreme

I would be the same OP!

I think YANBU - because you’re suffering from anxiety and logic/being rational doesn’t come in to it when that monster is in charge. I had severe PNA after my a fraught pregnancy in which I nearly lost my baby several times and had lengthy hospital stays.

However I’m going to say you really need to see a GP. Please don’t suffer this. It took me 6 months to see a GP because I had no idea Anxiety was even a “thing” and I would hate for you to damage relationships the way I did when I was ill.

Your baby NEEDS germs to be healthy.

I understand your worry because of your OCD and I think you need to speak to a health professional to get some extra support but babies have been born for centuries without having hand sanitiser or constantly washing their hands before handling a baby.
Unless a person has been smoking, eating or handling anything mucky there is no need to wash your hands everyone you pick a baby up. My children are completely healthy and happy.

I'm the gentlest way OP, you need to see your gp to get help with your ocd sooner rather than later. It sounds like you have possible pnd or post natal anxiety.

To mirror pp's bringing your child up in a sterile environment is not healthy, it is linked to problems from asthma to childhood leukaemia.

Soon your baby will move around, put dirty toys in their mouth, put other babies hands, feet etc in their mouth. It is part of their development and you would be impeding that by stopping it or sterilising everything they pick up.

They need to develop their immune system, when they go to nursery you will have 6 months of them being continously ill from bugs they've picked up there. It's all normal development.

This isn't normal by any means, OP. Talk to your GP. You are being utterly unreasonable.

OP unfortunately you're not too far away from baby shoving everything they can find into their mouth. The touching hand thing is too much, I would also suggest seeing your GP and having some therapy.

OP it's not normal,sorry. You need some help before this gets more out of hand. I had a long battle to become a mum,IVF etc. My babies were premature. I was concerned,of course but the bonding with friends,family,GPS overrode that. The babies were fine. As PP have said, you need to let them develop some immunity. Fast forward to parties,nursery,school...where will it end? You'll make yourself really ill.

You don’t touch your baby’s hands? That’s really odd. They need their hands touched. They grab your fingers, then grab your hands, they are tactile and like their hands being touched, it’s developmentally appropriate.

Soon they will be scooting about eating snails, sucking on pegs and playing in the dogs water bowl amongst other things. An immune system that’s been allowed to develop takes care of all of this stuff.

Sorry OP, the GP aren't doing anything wrong. Yes it's rubbish that they are doing something that upsets you, but YABU. Like PP have said, soon your baby will be touching things themself such as their own bits, windows, leaves, the bin, dirty clothes etc. Took my DS into a clothes shop, was holding his hand but looking at a dress and he was licking the mirror. It's not great and obviously I don't encourage this or force germs in his mouth but there is only so much I can do!

In the nicest possible way OP, YABU and I would suggest speaking to your GP about your anxiety/OCD.

The things you describe are normal and as plenty of people before me have said, babies NEED to be exposed to germs to build up a robust immune system, or they risk being a sickly, poorly child and adult who catches everything going.

You sound really anxious and unwell- I think you need to focus on getting treatment for your condition and not your parents. Germs are good for children and once your child gets to six months they will be exposed to a lot more germs because they’ll be moving around. You need to get effective treatment now before you get to that stage.