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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers in law and new houses

104 replies

proudestofmums · 15/09/2018 08:41

Quick question folks - if you had the keys to your new house into which you hadn’t yet moved, would you mind if your DS showed his,parents round without your being there?

PS I’m the MIL - DS assures me DIL would be fine about it

OP posts:
PyjamasForever · 15/09/2018 08:43

I would be completely fine with that (and actually DP took his Mum to see our new build before it was finished when I wasn't there). Probably depends on how well you get on overall.

Merryoldgoat · 15/09/2018 08:43

No problem at all.

Oysterbabe · 15/09/2018 08:43

I wouldn't care.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 15/09/2018 08:43

It depends on the relationship really...honestly yes I would very much mind but in fairness had a rubbish relationship with Exmil

If you are querying it I would suggest you may be aware she wouldn't be happy (and nice to see a MIL considering her dil feelings :-) )

CampariSpritz · 15/09/2018 08:43

I wouldn’t mind (in fact, I asked PILs to look at our house before we bought it as they are good with property and have renovated before). That said, I have a very good relationship with them.

AllyMcBeagle · 15/09/2018 08:43

I wouldn't mind at all. My PIL are lovely so that might affect my attitude. If they were weird and we're going to endlessly criticise or something then maybe I would have a different response.

Purplemouse · 15/09/2018 08:44

Yes I’d be fine with this

blondeemily · 15/09/2018 08:44

No I don't think I would mind.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2018 08:45

Yes of course it would be fine, why wouldn't it?

Tentomidnight · 15/09/2018 08:45

I wouldn’t mind as long as she wasn’t given either a key or the impression that we wanted her opinion on how to decorate!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 15/09/2018 08:45

It depends on the reason why; if it's because they're interested and happy for the new home, no problem, if it's to get one over on someone or to stick their oar in, nope not ok.

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 15/09/2018 08:45

I wouldn't mind at all

BertrandRussell · 15/09/2018 08:46

Why on earth would anyone mind?

MargotLovedTom1 · 15/09/2018 08:47

I can't see why it would be a problem but has he actually said to your DIL, "I'm taking my mum to see the house on Tuesday, is that OK?" rather than second guessing her reaction?

GinUnicorn · 15/09/2018 08:47

I wouldn’t mind at all as long as she didn’t send me a list of what to do with the place once moved.

ThanosSavedMe · 15/09/2018 08:48

I think the fact that you are asking probably shows that your are not THAT mil so you should be fine

BlueJava · 15/09/2018 08:49

Umm... personally I'd like to know and be asked (if I was the DIL). I can't explain why, I'd just be disappointed to now show her together. I get on well with my MIL by the way.

Havaina · 15/09/2018 08:49

I wouldn't mind, my Mil is nice.

But I can imagine if you have an interfering, busy-body MIL who doesn't respect her son's or DIL's boundaries then the DIL might mind.

The fact that you're posting this wuestion OP suggests that you're a considerate MIL.

AllyMcBeagle · 15/09/2018 08:50

I wouldn’t mind at all as long as she didn’t send me a list of what to do with the place once moved.

^ This. Or a copy of the keys if they are people who do uninvited/unannounced visits etc. (fortunately my PIL don't Smile)

AliTheMinx · 15/09/2018 08:52

Absolutely not. Perfectly normal behaviour and I don't see an issue xxx

Xenia · 15/09/2018 08:55

I don't think most people would mind. Couples can be so busy with work find a time they are both free to show parents round can be hard. Also parents can sometimes have a good eye for things like damp and structural issues so it can be sensible they have a look round. It depends on the couple really and the relationships with the parents.

For me having to make time to show parents in law round is a massive hassle and being able to avoid having to spend that time with them is a plus not a negative point!

dubmumof2 · 15/09/2018 08:57

I personally wouldn’t mind but I am aware that some people have very strong feelings on this issue so I would check with DIL. I remember being very shocked when someone I was close to got angry and upset that I had called to the site of her building/renovation and she hadn’t had the opportunity to show me around herself.....

Tanith · 15/09/2018 08:58

I would check with DIL that she’s fine with it, just as a courtesy.
She probably doesn’t mind, but it’s nice to be asked.

Original poster
proudestofmums · 15/09/2018 08:59

Thank you so much everyone. You’ve reassured me. I have a great relationship with her and often say when we’re discussing things that I can be a woman first and a mother second and hence support her on trivial things eg DS ironing his own clothes!) I wouldn’t dream of interfering re decoration or anything like that and I never have done save to say when asked that all her choices are great (actually when they told us that one room was being painted in the colour DS had chosen and another in the colour she had chosen I genuinely thought hers was great and DS’s was hideous - and told him so!)

I was only concerned because there is so much anti MIL feeling on here! The only reason DIL won’t be there too is because she’s working

OP posts:
viques · 15/09/2018 09:02

As long as you didn't take a can of spray and mark out where you thought the furniture should go...........