Mothers in law and new houses

[proudestofmums]

Quick question folks - if you had the keys to your new house into which you hadn’t yet moved, would you mind if your DS showed his,parents round without your being there?

PS I’m the MIL - DS assures me DIL would be fine about it

Gold Star MIL Award!!!

Well I texted her to ask and she said of course she didn’t mind. So we went and it’s lovely. They’re moving in in about 3 weeks so its empty as yet so it didn’t seem like snooping to look into their bedroom !

I honestly don't understand why the woman has the ultimate say here.. why should a man have to ask permission to show his mother over his new house?

I would be pretty pissed off if my dp felt I had to ask his permission to show my mother my new house!

I would be pretty pissed off if my dp felt I had to ask his permission to show my mother my new house!

Well exactly. As I said upthread, DH was at work when I got the keys to the house we’d just bought so my dad came with me to measure up and have a look round. Wouldn’t have occurred to me for one second to ask DH’s permission.

I think it's the Mumsnet Effect. OP probably wouldn't have thought anything of it if she hadn't read a million and one threads on here berating MILs for God knows what and is now second guessing herself.
See also: shout at your child once in a blue moon and you're an abusive parent who has irreparably damaged them for life/ give your child the odd McDonalds and they'll have a heart attack at 14/ ask your parents to babysit once in 10 years and you're grabby and entitled and deserve to be disowned.

You looked in the bedroom

That's it now. You've invaded her sanctuary. People will be advising her to cut contact, say "no" (complete sentence edition) with a tinkly laugh and look to purchase another, different new house on the other side of the globe.

MIL actusaw our first house before I did..! I was away for the weekend and DH brought her with him to look at show homes, he fell in love with it and thankfully I did too when I got home! I had absolutely no issue with MIL seeing it first!

"I would check with DIL that she’s fine with it, just as a courtesy."

Really? So a bloke can't show his mum his new house without permission? Blimey.

It's not his new house; it's their new house. She's not asking permission, it's good manners to run it by the DIL.

I must have bad manners then, as I didn’t run it past DH when my dad came with me to pick up the keys and help measure up.

“I must have bad manners then, as I didn’t run it past DH when my dad came with me to pick up the keys and help measure up.”

No-that’s fine. It’s only MILs that are a problem.

I thought that was probably the case, BertrandRussell

Goodness me OP I'm all for not stepping on DILs toes but if DS had asked me to look at his new house that would be good enough for me.

Don't read too much into the MIL stories on MN. They are very extreme and of course we only ever have the DILs side of the tale.

Ahhhhhhhh, can you be my MIL!

You’re making a lot of assumptions, Bertrand.

DH wouldn’t like it if I’d gone to pick up our house keys with my DF without reference to him.
It’s his house as much as mine. So yes, I would consider it good manners to check with him first.

It’s respectful and gives the other person chance to say if it’s not ok or not convenient and to suggest an alternative that works for them, too.

Why wouldn't your DH have liked you to have picked up your keys then shown your dad without asking him?

Is he insecure and jealous or something? Does he need to be the centre of all your attention?

I can't even imagine that it would register that DH let anyone look at our new house before if I'm honest.

Tanith-does that apply now? Does your dh mind if you have a family member or friend round for a cup of tea without checking with him first?

I wouldn’t mind at all, unless we had already planned to do it together and make a thing of it.

I doubt your daughter in law would think twice about showing her mother around without her husband.

It certainly didn’t register with DH that my dad had seen it. DH had obviously been to the viewings so my dad didn’t see it before him, so I genuinely can’t see an issue. If I had been at work when DH picked up the keys and MIL went with him it wouldn’t have registered with me either.

I think it's the Mumsnet Effect. OP probably wouldn't have thought anything of it if she hadn't read a million and one threads on here berating MILs for God knows what and is now second guessing herself

Perfectly put.

I know of a MIL who used the master bedroom ensuite to do a poo in a brand new house when there were two other bathrooms to use

MN is weird about pooing etiquette. It’s not a major offence to poo in a toilet, even if it is the en suite. That’s what toilets are for. My mum uses our en suite because she has anxiety and doesn’t want there to be any prospect of her being heard. I literally don’t care, and neither does my DH.

I don't have a great relationship with my MIL (she's a bit mental and the normal interference if you want to call it that that you get in close relationships doesn't go down well because of the way she has behaved in the past). This wouldn't bother me at all though. It's his mother and it will make her happy to see he has bought a house so surely its a good thing? Even better because I am not there tbh.

It wouldn't even occur to me to take issue with that. I doubt DH would even think to ask me since it would be such a non-issue.

No problem if she's ok with it but it would be kinder if you waited until she wasn't working and could be there also.