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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mothers in law and new houses

104 replies

proudestofmums · 15/09/2018 08:41

Quick question folks - if you had the keys to your new house into which you hadn’t yet moved, would you mind if your DS showed his,parents round without your being there?

PS I’m the MIL - DS assures me DIL would be fine about it

OP posts:

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 17/09/2018 13:03

I know of a MIL who used the master bedroom ensuite to do a poo in a brand new house when there were two other bathrooms to use

I have to say if there's a toilet I wouldn't take issue with someone pooing in it - surely that's what toilets are for? Some people feel nervous about taking a poo where someone else might hear.

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 13:07

I sometimes think I live in a parallel universe. Why would anyone care which toilet someone used to poo in, in an empty house?!

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2018 13:10

“I know of a MIL who used the master bedroom ensuite to do a poo in a brand new house when there were two other bathrooms to use”

I presume the dil concerned then burnt the house down and moved to Australia?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 17/09/2018 13:13

@PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall - you really wouldn't take issue with anyone visiting your home and walking past two perfectly functional toilets to do a poo in the ensuite off the master bedroom? So they had to walk into the master bedroom to access that toilet?
If guests don't want someone to hear them do their business on the toilet, they should bring their phone in and play some music or you could have a radio in the bathroom but there is no need to use the master bedroom ensuite unless you're the owner of the house and the master bedroom is your bedroom, in my opinion.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/09/2018 13:14

I mean how is it even registered with someone that her MIL took a crap in the ensuite? Why would anyone even care? It's a toilet - people poo in them. As if the DIL cared enough to even tell someone about it.

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 13:16

I don’t know about PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall but I genuinely wouldn’t give a shiny shit if someone did a poo in the en suite bathroom of my otherwise unoccupied house. Why the hell would I?!

Starlings27 · 17/09/2018 13:26

No! I might prefer to show her round myself so I could see her reaction but that would be my only slight grumble if DP did this.

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2018 13:28

I would imagine it involved some sort of DNA testing. Or maybe just finger prints?

Incidently, people who are made anxious at the ide of someone else hearing them use the loo would not be helped by not being able to hear it themselves........

Starlings27 · 17/09/2018 13:30

In fact, not the same but now I come to think about it, the in laws were staying with us to help us pack just before we moved into our current house... they came with me to get the keys and check out the house, while DP was at work.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 17/09/2018 13:32

you really wouldn't take issue with anyone visiting your home and walking past two perfectly functional toilets to do a poo in the ensuite off the master bedroom?

I'd take issue if they were nosing around my room or rifling through my drawers but if they felt more comfortable posing in the ensuite I'd have no issue with it.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 17/09/2018 13:33

*pooing not posing!

Cliveybaby · 17/09/2018 13:34

When DP was going to show his mother round, I was a bit annoyed - because I wanted to show her too!
So we found a time all three of us could do! If we hadn't been able to though, I would have been ok with it.

Cloglover · 17/09/2018 13:34

I can totally understand why the partner or mil might feel the need to ask. A house is a massive purchase and it's also a milestone. Something that might want to be shared together. If there was any ill feeling between the three parties - this might be an issue but I can say I wouldn't find this a problem. And op, there's also a lorra love on mm towards mils too. X

IABURQO · 17/09/2018 13:37

I wouldn't mind. We sent FIL on his own to check out our house before we bought it. It's always nice to ask though.

RiddleyW · 17/09/2018 13:40

People quite often say "oh if this was reversed" and it's usually bullshit but here I can see the point actually.

Imagine a thread where a woman said her DH needed to grant permission in order for her to take her mum to the house.

Also it's not even a discrepancy in women's favour - it's because the domestic sphere is meant to be the woman's domain and heaven for-fend if a rival female enters!

Ghostontoast · 17/09/2018 13:43

The DIL in question has OCD and is very private person. She didn't want her MIL to go into the bedroom of the new house in any case, but she put up with that to keep her MIL happy, but to then find that she had left behind a turd in the ensuite, to mark her territory, was too much!

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 13:43

Did the MIL not flush the toilet?

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2018 13:46

So she didn’t flush. That would be disgusting whatever loo it was in.

alphasox · 17/09/2018 13:56

It really depends on the relationship with your son and his partner. I would be hacked off if my DH took his mum before me because she has an annoying way of weedling him and telling what to do based on what she wants (which is often very different to what I want) and he's weak and gives in ... sorry I'm ranting.

If you have a better relationship (and it sounds like you do - which is wonderful!) I'm sure your DiL would be fine - but doesn't hurt to drop her a quick text directly and check rather than assume?

crispysausagerolls · 17/09/2018 14:08

You sound like a wonderful MIL! Want to be mine?

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2018 14:09

“but doesn't hurt to drop her a quick text directly and check rather than assume?”

Because the woman is the main house owner and keeper and the man must not do anything without her permission? I have to say, if I said to my mil “Do you want to come and have a look at the new house?” and she said “i’ll just check with dp” I’d be furious with her and retract the invitation immediately.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/09/2018 14:11

I don't understand alphasox. What would your MIL wheedle DH about in the short time she was in your new home? What colour to paint your lounge or something?

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 14:17

I’m trying to imagine both mine and my DH’s reaction if, when I’d said to my dad ‘will you come with me to fetch the keys and measure up’ he’d have said ‘I’ll just drop x a text to check he doesn’t mind’. I’d have been pissed off that he thought I couldn’t make that sort of minor arrangement myself, and DH would have thought he’d lose the plot.

Jux · 17/09/2018 14:29

I had an awful relationship with my mil, but I don't think I'd have been bothered if shhe's seen round our house before we moved in. I'd have been pissed off if she'd dissed all our plans for shelving, cupboards etc. especially if dh had then agreed with her. THEN I would have threatened him with pulling out

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2018 14:29

I also would love a Mumsnet approved poo chart, please, telling me when and where it is OK to poo. Do the same rules apply to pee? When is a poo or a pee ”marking territory” and when is just a bodily function?

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