To refuse to send DS to this class today?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Ds has been going to a dance class since last xmas. He often kicks up a fuss about going but has a good time when they get there.
Classes didn't run over the summer and I said to DH, as September approached, that I didn't want to send him this term if he was going to argue about it every week. I asked DS if he wanted to go this term and he said yes.

Last night I mentioned it to him and he got upset saying he didn't want to go as he gets too hot. DH said that's rubbish, he is going. I then took DS up to bed and said as we had paid this month, could we go tomorrow and if he doesn't want to go back we won't. He burst into tears and was sobbing saying he doesn't want to go. Has no friends there etc. I told him if he was that upset at the thought of it, he didn't have to. When I tell DH this morning he is going to say we paid, he should go. It is only £12 we will have lost so I don't think it is fair we upset him so much. AIBU saying he doesn't have to go?

Flip you seem overly invested in this. We get your point, you don't need to keep posting it. (you're wrong though)

I’d forget it! He won’t understand the financial or other commitments- not properly. And it sounds like he is scheduled enough already. There was something recently that children aren’t getting enough unstructured play time. Forget the £12. It’s annoying but it’s only £12, if you are paying out for classes I imagine that’s affordable.

Stop sending him! I don’t know why anyone forces classes like this even if they’ve paid up front. What you’ve paid is a sunk cost so would you rather your child did something they’d like to do or not?
If he’s chopping and changing whether he wants to go or not he’s too young for you to be committing to pay up front for it. Try some pay as you go activities until you find something he regularly enjoys or just give clubs a break for now.

It's not about the £12.It is about learning to follow through. Do you want your kid to grow up flakey? 5 is not a baby he is quite old enough to understand this.

Stating quite clearly that having thought about something you have decided you don't want to do it isn't flakey it's quite sensible. He might not be a baby but a clear understanding of the concept of commitment due some kind of contractual obligation costing £12 is probably a tad above his head. It's not like he is trying to get out of school-work or chores (where a clear explanation of why it's inportant and needs to be done would be appropriate), this is supposed to be fun. If I, as an adult, had paid for a leisure activity then decided I didn't want to go I wouldn't feel obliged to, it's not a job or a moral obligation. Why would I waste my time as well as my money?

Im not sure its flakey to consistently not like somethimg since easter....

Lots of children try a hobby for a little while then decide that they don't want to do it any more. More often it's not the fault of the group or the leader, it's just not the right hobby for that child - I would try him with something else, but don't force him to attend the last few sessions if he really doesn't want to.

It's not about the £12.It is about learning to follow through. Do you want your kid to grow up flakey

But is learning that once you've started something you need to keep going even if you don't enjoy it anymore a good life lesson? Or learning that if you've put money into something you must carry on with it?
Learning to stop things is as important as learning to persevere imho.
This is a lesson it's taken me a long long time to learn and it's had a big effect on my life, so I am biased! The learned belief that you don't stop something you've committed to has kept me in a whole range of jobs and situations I should have left - just saying!

He sounds like my son, such a people pleaser that he tells you wants he think you want to hear which can get very confusing

Personally i wouldnt make him, if dh wants to make him then he can take him

I wanted my children to try everything they wanted to when little and i think that if you force them when they have said they dont want to then they may not want to try anything else

The only time that hasn't happened is when it comes down to cost...so £12 i wouldnt worry about but if ive paid a term and bought all the gear then i would probably like them to go a few times

However...i wouldnt force them at all. Im the one that deals with the fallout

I'm with you.
He clearly does not enjoy it.
If it's making him upset to that degree then abandon the idea. It's not school, it's an extra curricular activity so pull him out.
I too hated dance class at that age and my parents withdrew me.
Today I still have zero interest in dancing.
Hope the little fella cheers up soon.

Awww poor little sausage. They have so little say in their lives at that age I think it's wise to listen to him. It hasn't come out of the blue and I can understand why you might have resigned him up on his say so, but clearly there's something about the thought of it, or doing it that causes him anxiety which is not an emotion that 5 year olds should unnecessarily face. And the more you listen to him and advocate on his behalf, the more likely he is to open up to you as he grows. Why is his father so insistent on him going even if it's against your better judgement and your sons wishes? Because being forced to do things in some children is character building and others can cause emotional difficulties. Life is hard enough without the ones you love making it harder and I think your husband needs to be mindful of the effect that not listening to the wishes of others can have on a person's development.

It is about learning to follow through. Do you want your kid to grow up flakey

This line of thinking is what keeps people in terrible relationships, dangerous situations, or slaving away at things they're never going to succeed at, because "giving up" has too much of a stigma from the way they were raised. Quit fast, move on.

But is learning that once you've started something you need to keep going even if you don't enjoy it anymore a good life lesson?

This line of thinking is what keeps people in terrible relationships, dangerous situations, or slaving away at things they're never going to succeed at, because "giving up" has too much of a stigma from the way they were raised

I am not talking about in forever just til the end of the month- the period he has committed to

I dont see why? Hes been committed for a very long time and not liking since easter is long time to show they dont like it. In reverse as a parent giving it a month should surely be enough.

No point turning up for a few weeks when you know its leaving just to go til "the end of the month" really is there? I agree its best to learn when its okay to stop and not doing things for the sake of it.

And as a 5 year old he's learnt his parents take 6 months to listen to him or consider his feelings...

Dd5 has said she doesn’t want to go swimming lessons anymore, if it was any other thing I would say ok, but I feel it’s so so important, and that would be quite a major loss of about £120 a term. Luckily I can watch her classes and she loves it when she is there, but £12 for if a child really doesn’t want to do something, I would rather lose the money than make them that upset x

adventuring
did you not read the op?
the mum said as September approached, she didn't want to send him any more and the kid said he didn't want to quit.

Yep because he is 5 and probably trying to please him mum. Who knows.

Did you not read the OPs posts that he has been consistently unhappy about going since Easter? It seems its OPs husband and not OP that thinks he should go.

Don't make him go if he's unhappy - if you've paid and he decides to try again then fine. I was basically forced to attend ballet, then tap and ballroom when I was small and it was so awful - I remember now feeling so uncomfortable and upset with it. At 5 years old I really don't think you should put a child in a position where they feel like that and doesn't mean he'll grow up to not have drive to do things that aren't easy/comfortable

When I was about 5 I was made to go to Sunday School (new) I really did not want to go and remember to this day (I am now of retirement age) clinging to the back of a chair in floods of tears. My father dragged
me along and I hated it for evermore. I finally persuaded my parents that I could go to church instead. Huge relief.
I have for many, many years, been a convinced Atheist!

I used to do this and get upset about activities, I was just lazy and always tired after school. In theory I wanted to go, in practice I was just knackered.