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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to send DS to this class today?

119 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 15/09/2018 06:20

Ds has been going to a dance class since last xmas. He often kicks up a fuss about going but has a good time when they get there.
Classes didn't run over the summer and I said to DH, as September approached, that I didn't want to send him this term if he was going to argue about it every week. I asked DS if he wanted to go this term and he said yes.

Last night I mentioned it to him and he got upset saying he didn't want to go as he gets too hot. DH said that's rubbish, he is going. I then took DS up to bed and said as we had paid this month, could we go tomorrow and if he doesn't want to go back we won't. He burst into tears and was sobbing saying he doesn't want to go. Has no friends there etc. I told him if he was that upset at the thought of it, he didn't have to. When I tell DH this morning he is going to say we paid, he should go. It is only £12 we will have lost so I don't think it is fair we upset him so much. AIBU saying he doesn't have to go?

OP posts:
Itchytights · 15/09/2018 07:42

Oh he’s still
So little. If he doesn’t want to go then leave him be.

Is this over the £12???

Really

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/09/2018 07:44

He’s doing a heck of a lot for a yr1 child. He’s probably shattered. At 5 dd stopped doing her dance class for a while as she changed teacher. Then she went back almost 2 years later. £12 is nothing to lose.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 15/09/2018 07:50

Leyani, DH didn't tell DS he had to go. He said it to me.
I see what you are saying though.

OP posts:
Jeippinghmip · 15/09/2018 07:52

I definitely wouldn’t send him, not at age five.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 15/09/2018 07:55

He just got out of bed, walked downstairs and the first thing he said was "mummy, we need to talk about this dance class. I have been thinking about it for a while now and I really don't want to go."
He had a very serious manner!

OP posts:
Fireworks91 · 15/09/2018 07:57

Fuck that, he's only 5. Life is meant to be fun at 5.

LittleBookofCalm · 15/09/2018 07:59

He might like it, there might be a load of new children there , suggest that to him.

Gersemi · 15/09/2018 08:03

There is literally no reason why you should ruin your own and his weekend with this misery. Your son already does more than enough by way of extra activities.

llangennith · 15/09/2018 08:05

Poor little boy having such a bully of a father.

BusterGonad · 15/09/2018 08:11

I always let my son decide if he wants to do after school/out of school activities and have never understood why parents push these things into their kids.

crimsonlake · 15/09/2018 08:15

7 hours at the gym aged 5 yrs, to me that seems excessive for a start. When does he get time to chill now? Children get very tired after school, especially at the beginning of term. Luckily I was a sahm when mine were that age and used to love coming home to watch a bit of tv, play etc. Saturday mornings before they started to play football were always relaxing as we did not have to rush anywhere. I never saw the need to fill in their time as I felt and still feel little children need down time.

InfiniteCurve · 15/09/2018 08:32

At this age I think even "he enjoys it once he's there" is a bit dubious.I still remember ( at 58!) the activities I did as a small child that I really didn't want to do,the "oh,God,it's X tomorrow" feeling.
Not that I would have expressed it like that at 6!
I'm sure my Mum would have said I enjoyed it once I was there.And even if I did,I'm not sure that the hours of dread are cancelled out by the hour of fun,it's a bad model for life IMO.

LittleBookofCalm · 15/09/2018 08:38

Perhaps he is being teased about it at school op?

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 15/09/2018 08:44

I doubt he is being teased about it. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even mentioned it at school.
The gym is one hour of activity and one hour of drawing per session, (one day we only go for an hour so it is only drawing) so he is getting time to relax, just not in front of the tv which is what he would be doing at home. He loves going to the gym and asks every day if we can go. Total opposite to this class!

OP posts:
ShannonRockallMalin · 15/09/2018 08:44

I think there’s a fine line between teaching kids to stick at something and knowing when it’s better to let them stop. At 5, he’s given it a good go, and I would be inclined to let him stop. Maybe give him a bit of time to think if there’s anything else he would like to do ( Beavers? Football? Swimming?), perhaps see if any of his friends are doing any activities.

Starlight345 · 15/09/2018 08:45

Firstly one thing you are financially no worse off if he doesn’t go to the lessons paid for.

I have always said apart from swimming till can swim 50 meters and school nothing is compulsory.

I really don’t see the point of pushing a child to do an activity they don’t want to.

Babybearsporij · 15/09/2018 08:48

I think your DS has given you the answer. Don't make him go if he doesn't want to. Sod the money.

Juells · 15/09/2018 08:57

At the first nursery my DD went to aged about three and a half (in quite a posh neighbourhood) she used to cry when I dropped her off. The woman who ran it always pooh-poohed her crying and said she was fine once I left. After a few weeks I (SAHM at the time) decided I didn't like dropping her off crying every day when she could just as well stay with me. When she was older she told me the woman was horrible to her every single day - I had a rattly old banger of a car, a lot of the other mothers had BMWs and Jags, I think it was literally about snobbery, that my child was 'common'. Children often don't have the words to explain why they don't want to go somewhere or do something, but I'd be listening to your son. Not every teacher likes every child, for some reason or none.

TheVanguardSix · 15/09/2018 09:01

I think your boy is exhausted!
I’m with you OP. No to the class.
Why are you filling up his down time so much? He’s 5.

cookiesandchocolate · 15/09/2018 09:03

Don't send him.
My dance teacher was an absolute cow and made me dread it weekly.
He's 5 I would take the loss

Member869894 · 15/09/2018 09:06

I used to be like this - arranging things for my dcs at cost and then get frustrated when they would want to pull out. By the time they are teens they join what they want and tend to stick at it if they like it IME. I think at five I d just leave him be

Toyboysrus · 15/09/2018 09:09

A hobby or activity should be for fun. Why would you want your child to carry on with something they weren't enjoying? DD had music lessons for a while but wasn't enjoying it anymore so stopped mid term. We lost money but didn't care it was more important to us that she was happy.

zzzzz · 15/09/2018 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 15/09/2018 09:14

He's 5. And you just spent a year dragging him there every single week when he said he didn't want to go ... and you took a 5 year old's word for it when you asked him about going again.

I think you have made this mistake, not your 5 year old who isn't quite old enough to know what a commitment like that is, and you should call it a day with the dancing.

Put him in something with his friends.

AdventuringThroughLife · 15/09/2018 09:16

Of course he shouldnt go.

7 hours at the gym?!? He must be exhausted. Even if they enjoy it as aparent you can see when something is too much. When does he get down time?