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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to send DS to this class today?

119 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 15/09/2018 06:20

Ds has been going to a dance class since last xmas. He often kicks up a fuss about going but has a good time when they get there.
Classes didn't run over the summer and I said to DH, as September approached, that I didn't want to send him this term if he was going to argue about it every week. I asked DS if he wanted to go this term and he said yes.

Last night I mentioned it to him and he got upset saying he didn't want to go as he gets too hot. DH said that's rubbish, he is going. I then took DS up to bed and said as we had paid this month, could we go tomorrow and if he doesn't want to go back we won't. He burst into tears and was sobbing saying he doesn't want to go. Has no friends there etc. I told him if he was that upset at the thought of it, he didn't have to. When I tell DH this morning he is going to say we paid, he should go. It is only £12 we will have lost so I don't think it is fair we upset him so much. AIBU saying he doesn't have to go?

OP posts:

Bobswife39 · 15/09/2018 10:49

I think your DH is right, you gave him the choice and he said yes before you paid. kids at any age need to learn that everything doesn't come for free. Maybe at 5 you should have taken the decision for him and not booked the classes this term if wasn't enjoying them??

FinnegansWhiskers · 15/09/2018 10:51

Most children do after school classes and then drop them. Sometimes it takes a while for children to know what they enjoy or to discover it's not for them.

Obviously your DS is not enjoying dance class. Let him quit. It's not as if he has nothing else to do.

moredoll · 15/09/2018 10:52

He's 5. How many times does he have to tell you he doesn't want to go before you stop forcing him? I can't see any benefit to that at all. The £12 is irrelevant.

picklepost · 15/09/2018 10:54

Don't go

He doesn't want to, it's that simple. Honestly there is nothing to be gained by forcing this.

Userplusnumbers · 15/09/2018 11:02

@Bobswife39

Your actual reasoning puts the parent at fault, so why make her DS go? It's a horrible thing to do.

OP, tell your DH he's not going and that's final. You know you want to!

LittleBookofCalm · 15/09/2018 11:17

who takes him you or your dh?

Bobswife39 · 15/09/2018 12:06

@userplusnumbers

That's exactly what I'm saying, it's not his fault the lessons have been paid for, but maybe OP shouldn't have asked him if he wanted to go if he clearly didn't like it. My DH would have an issue forking out for classes we never went to. It's fine saying it's only £12 for a one off, but if it's £12 a week or more that adds up to quite a bit.

My point was that at 5 he clearly doesn't understand the implications of saying yes (what 5 year old is going to say no when asked if they want something anyway) so OP should have just cancelled the payment, 5 yo happy, DH happy and OP happy job done!!

Wearywithteens · 15/09/2018 12:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Lostandfound81 · 16/09/2018 17:57

I wouldn’t make him

Although at 5 my boy didn’t want to do after school football. Really didn’t.
My brother suggested we stick at it because in the state school system - football is a language between boys at secondary school.

I am SO pleased we persisted. He’s now in year 4 and LOVES football

Lostandfound81 · 16/09/2018 17:58

Saturday mornings should be about

There’s no should about it.

It’s about what suits each family.

Lostandfound81 · 16/09/2018 17:59

@Wearywithteens

If you’re child begged you to do an activity on a Saturday morning, would your response be “no, i want you chilling out in front of the TV. Now!”

Lostandfound81 · 16/09/2018 18:00

Your

mastertomsmum · 16/09/2018 18:04

7 hours in the gym when in Y1 plus swimming. Not right, far too much

LilQueenie · 16/09/2018 18:39

Don't force him. DD had two football clubs. She ended up refusing to go to one but loved the other. I think you need to look at what the problem is here. there appears to be worry before going but not after. Is he being treated fairly whilst at this club.

Mikklehaha · 16/09/2018 18:42

What is the obsession with ks1 kids having to fill their time with extra curricular activity? Why aren’t they playing in the garden or building forts out of sofa cushions?
My kids are 13, 11 & 9 and they hardly did any out of school clubs except swimming lessons at that age. All the rest was playing around the home or going for walks, covering the table in craft stuff or chatting away to me while I worked around the house. They were and still are happy kids, doing very well at school despite a selection of extra needs between them.
Kids need time to explore, contemplate, get bored. 5 is so young. Lighten up.

colditz · 16/09/2018 19:14

he's fiive years old and he's out until bedtime 3 nights a week, plus out again on a Saturday morning - why are you like this to him? Do something quiet and engaging with him at home, it doesn't have to be Youtube or Out. Bake. Read. Play puzzles.

Your husband seems to be driving a lot of this, is he generally uncomfortable with entertaining a five year old without resorting to Youtube or does he just enjoy making the kid exhausted?

It sounds miserable.

hdh747 · 16/09/2018 19:18

"mummy, we need to talk about this dance class. I have been thinking about it for a while now and I really don't want to go."

To me that's the answer right there. Anyone who can state what they want that clearly, having given it some thought, deserves to be heard. And to know they have been, and will be, heard when they do so.

FlipnTwist · 16/09/2018 19:26

I am in 2 minds
I am with your DH that when he was iven the opportunity to quit, he was clear he wanted to continue and you paid the fees on the strength of that.he needs o learn he made a commitment and has to go throuh with it for the next month.

On the other hand I feel sorry for the teacher having to put up with reluctant kids when she probably has a waiting list of eager children.

Mummyof0ne · 16/09/2018 19:28

Just lose the £12. It’s not worth the agro

FlipnTwist · 16/09/2018 19:35

It's not about the £12.It is about learning to follow through. Do you want your kid to grow up flakey? 5 is not a baby he is quite old enough to understand this.

FlipnTwist · 16/09/2018 19:37

My kids are 13, 11 & 9 and they hardly did any out of school clubs except swimming lessons at that age. All the rest was playing around the home or going for walks, covering the table in craft stuff or chatting away to me while I worked around the house. They were and still are happy kids, doing very well at school despite a selection of extra needs between them.
kids are all different, they are not all the same as yours you know!

colditz · 16/09/2018 19:39

5 year olds have some pretty standardised needs. Like all infant primates, they need more rest than adults.

busybarbara · 16/09/2018 20:15

When I tell DH this morning he is going to say we paid, he should go. It is only £12 we will have lost so I don't think it is fair we upset him so much.

Sunk cost fallacy. You have already "lost" the £12 and nothing is to be gained by sending him so it's ridiculous for him to go.

It's like staying sat in a movie you hate - you are wasting your time, you should leave.

FlipnTwist · 16/09/2018 20:29

A 5 year old is not an infant, infancy is long long gone.
They are a child with individual needs, talents, personalities.Nothin standardised about them any more than there is with adults.

Starlight345 · 16/09/2018 20:44

I think the other thing is I would not want my child to fear trying something for fear of not liking it and been forced to go

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