To ask preschool to not call my daughter princess?

[CaviarAndCigarettes]

I understand princess has become somewhat commonplace in modern language. Where you would once call a young child poppet or sweetheart it has become princess, for girls.

I dislike the terminology. She isn't a princess. She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. She wrestles better than her older brother and is a tough negotiator. She's intuitive, creative, friendly and inquisitive.

We have consciously never called her princess and always use the same affectionate language with her and her brother - darling, sweetheart, superstar etc
Yet two weeks into preschool she is OBSESSED that she needs to be called princess.

Normally I would have put this down to other kids but I have heard the preschool team calling her princess several times within the two weeks - I hoped she wouldn't pick up on it and it wouldn't stick.

I know how difficult it is to not say something that just slips off your tongue with no malice or ill thought behind it. I haven't asked them to not call her princess and even if I did it must be a hard habit to break if that is their go to term of endearment for little girls... but I really want to ask them to try not to. And explain why. I want them to praise her efforts and her kindness and her attempts. Not stamp a princess and a sparkle on it..

Aibu?

My 3 year old loves anything sparkly, shiny, princessy, glittery, unicorny, etc. Doesn't make her stupid, or unkind, or unadventurous. Equating liking princesses etc to being stupid etc made me laugh out loud.

I did call a child 'your majesty' once, with a curtsey, but she was being The Queen, so it seemed the only polite thing to do

This made me laugh!

I would be ok with princess, but would be very offended if someone called my child a chicken. That means scaredy-cat round here!

I can see both sides of the argument, I cringe if someone called my DD 'princess' but I'm ancient and it still has the sappy connotations for me.
What irritates me is every morning without fail when DD arrives at nursery she's greeted with "look at your pretty dress" or "ooh, aren't your bunches pretty" and it's all about her looks - but I think I'm probably over-sensitised to her as a female being judged on and defined by her looks/clothes as she gets older.
I'm sure my DS was greeted at the same nursery with a "look at your lovely jumper" and I didn't bat an

I get what you’re saying in principle and it is cringe (I would’ve died if someone called me princess when I was a kid) but what I don’t understand is, why can’t your daughter be all those things AND a princess? And if you’re telling her she’s smart, adventurous, important, strong etc at home, surely someone else calling her princess isn’t so much an issue?

Someone in a restaurant called my daughter princess once, she corrected them: apparently she was a queen that day, not a princess 🤷‍♀️

In the programme I linked to above the constant sweet names for girls against the more robust names for the boys from the lovely teacher who obviously loved his class certainly had a knock on effect on class results .
It’s not about stopping a child climbing into pretty sparkly clothes and imaginative play but the almost imperceptible dumbing down of our children of both genders .

She isn't a princess. She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. She wrestles better than her older brother and is a tough negotiator. She's intuitive, creative, friendly and inquisitive.

Urgh, you sound like an insufferable w@nker

A tough negotiator? Is she working on Brexit?

Lol at anyone describing their toddler as a tough negotiator

A word means what the user intends. This is an endearment. Having brought up 2 girls and 2 boys I can tell you they will forge their own path despite and because of your views. Yes teach her to be strong and capable. Dont condemn her if she has a girly phase. You will cause confusion. Its the same as she was gay, a footballers wife or an engineer. She will be what she will be. You cannot control outside influences. To try to gives her the wriong idea of the world outside home

You know why they call her princess don't you because they can't remember her name I am sure they recognise her roughty toughness though 😁

I think YANBU. I never hear people call a boy 'prince'. It would be naff too.

It just reminds me of Den Watts calling Sharon as a grown woman 'princess'. Something creepy about it.

They can call her a gender neutral word like poppet if they can't remember her name.

Trumpton, I suspect that those on this thread who could really do with watching that won’t watch it. Thank you fir the link though. Good to know it is on YouTube as I’ve told people about the programme but assumed it was not longer available.

I object to princess more on class terms than on gender.

I also agree that to reject terms like these is a rejection of anything traditionally feminine and feminism is surely not about that.

Op you sound a bit pfb and a bit too try hard tbh.

A pre school child is a good negotiator - what tosh.

morethanfantastic and others - neither of the two duchesses are princesses. When William become Prince of Wales Catherine will become Princess of Wales but never Princess Catherine. I am a bit of a pedant. Dianna was never Princess Dianna.

Pick your battles agree

I'm guessing that the child has announced that she is called Princess and the nursery are indulging her

I completely agree with your argument. But she isn't a princess. Just as you and I aren't a princess. We are women. We are strong.

She isn't a "superstar" either, which you admit to calling both her and her brother.

I don't like "princess" either, not even to go full Germaine Greer on someone for using it, but I don't like it. But "superstar" would grind my gears way more than "princess", used to either sex.

Princess is a common term of endearment for females where I live. It's like darling.

I see the OP's point but think that there are much worse things the nursery could be teaching the children about classism and gender roles than using nicknames. Having said that, OP would not BU to ask them to stop.

I think that you’re being a little unreasonable. My stepmother still calls me princess and I’m a very fierce and lively fully grown adult. It’s just a term of endearment which is completely harmless and IMO very sweet. A princess doesn’t have to mean weak willed or fragile. A princess is a person of importance, someone who is special. That’s the way I interpret it anyway and I think it’s actually really nice that the preschool staff are kind and caring enough to have pet names for the children they care for.

To be fair, I get the impression from your OP that you’re the one with a strict stereotype of what constitutes ‘a princess’.

Why can’t she like finding adventures, play wresting and STILL be a princess?

Sorry OP, I don’t understand your beef to it. If I were you, I’d just be happy that my child has a positive relationship with her caregivers.

YANBU. I never call my daughter princess, can't stand the phrase for all the reasons you point out!

I'd not be happy. Thankfully my kids went to a nursery that didn't indulge in sexual stereotypes. DS was told his hairclips were pretty, DD was told she was strong. Funnily enough DDs football team (6 years after they left nursery and all went to different schools) is predominantly girls from her nursery, that positive influence about their physical abilities has lasted.

People think it doesn't matter that we push girls down the route of being obsessed with their appearance and who they are going to marry. It does, it make girls think they can't do anything, it makes them give up sport and not try at school. If you think pet names don't matter you really need to watch that BBC documentary. These insidious comments are unfair to both girls and boys.