To ask preschool to not call my daughter princess?

[CaviarAndCigarettes]

I understand princess has become somewhat commonplace in modern language. Where you would once call a young child poppet or sweetheart it has become princess, for girls.

I dislike the terminology. She isn't a princess. She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. She wrestles better than her older brother and is a tough negotiator. She's intuitive, creative, friendly and inquisitive.

We have consciously never called her princess and always use the same affectionate language with her and her brother - darling, sweetheart, superstar etc
Yet two weeks into preschool she is OBSESSED that she needs to be called princess.

Normally I would have put this down to other kids but I have heard the preschool team calling her princess several times within the two weeks - I hoped she wouldn't pick up on it and it wouldn't stick.

I know how difficult it is to not say something that just slips off your tongue with no malice or ill thought behind it. I haven't asked them to not call her princess and even if I did it must be a hard habit to break if that is their go to term of endearment for little girls... but I really want to ask them to try not to. And explain why. I want them to praise her efforts and her kindness and her attempts. Not stamp a princess and a sparkle on it..

Aibu?

Its just a term of endeasrment, i call both .my boys chicken , and the little one "my little munchkin"

YANBU. We have a neighbour who calls DD this and it absolutely makes me cringe. Couldn't imagine my reaction if it was coming from a service I was paying for.

@InterstellarSleepingElla I will definitely check out that book, thank you. I'm pretty sure my son will love it too.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I did a bit inside every time someone calls my daughters princess but I let it go if it's not someone we will see regularly. In fact their dad said it once, when the first was a baby and I think he regretted that. Massive lecture from me. Him saying I'm over reacting he can call his daughter what he likes. He never called her princess again though . I think like my dp, their initial reaction might be you are being over the top, but after some reflection realise you are correct. I would certainly suggest they watch the above mentioned tv programme to back you up. I can't remember what it was called but should be on iplayer/4od/YouTube

I agree with you 100% . If any of you call your daughters princess.
‘ wise the feck up’ . It’s right up there with ‘ furbaby’ .

I've been thinking about this OP and think that there should be some kind of training at the school for the staff about this. I don't know how you would raise this, or to whom, but as a first step you could send a link of the programme to one of the SLT.

So you don't want them to call her Princess because she "isn't one" then you say you call her a "superstar"...

She isn't one of those either.

Nor is she a "legend".

You are a hypocrite though.

How are you lot surviving in this world

@Coolaschmoola valid point

I call all of my kids a super star if they've done something super!!

I don't call them super for waking up and existing. (They will however always be super to me)

Christ how would the teachers remember which parent objected to which name for their child? You'd just end up with generic approved terms of endearment that nobody could object to.

You may well approve of that OP but there would be plenty that wouldn't see it as a change for the better.

YANBU, but I wish I hadn't read some of these responses. I bloody despair sometimes.

The BBC Programme was called “ No More Boys and Girls “ and was screened in two parts last year.
Well worth a watch as it follows a group of 6 and 7 year olds and their teacher .
ON YOUTUBE

Is the term princess derogatory now then? Better not tell my daughter as she thinks Princess Leia is amazeballs!!

Well said.

I think it adds to the notion that anything traditionally feminine is silly or not worthy of note

And also well said.

"She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. "

The two princesses who spring to mind (Catherine and Meghan) seem all of these.

I dont like the word for children at all or 'lil man'

But I wouldnt say anything. It will pass!

Let it go, let it go,

I've called my daughter a princess once; I used it as an insult!

Me too. It's not is traditionally feminine, it is traditionally classist. When I was young, way back in the Stone Age, women who thought the whole world revolved around them were called princesses.

to me it's not a problem because it is a feminine term, it's a problem because it implies you are special not because of something you do or achieve but because of whom you were born to, horrible connotation!

It also implies there are others who are not princesses by virtue of the fact they were born to somebody "common", but then I guess it is not surprising so many people buy into it when we are still proudly holding onto our real life royals...

I wouldn't call a boy little prince for the same reason

She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. She wrestles better than her older brother and is a tough negotiator. She's intuitive, creative, friendly and inquisitive.

And obviously princesses can be none of those things? Princess Leia seems to fit the bill there. So would many other princesses including ‘real life’ ones. Many would have even kicked their brothers arses on many an occasion. If your mind has not moved on in regards to what a princess can be why make it everyone else’s problem? YABU and making problems were none exist.

I don't see how princess is either a compliment or an insult.

to me it's not a problem because it is a feminine term, it's a problem because it implies you are special not because of something you do or achieve but because of whom you were born to, horrible connotation!

This! Modern princesses may be more awesome than previous ones who waited in towers but they’re still all about getting special treatment for something they didn’t do.

Little boys get called “big man” or “hero”. Calling an adult man a hero isn’t an insult. Calling an adult woman “princess” is.

We always encourage girls to be things (vain mostly) that we criticise them for in adulthood. It must be confusing.

I am with you. I hate this term too. Never used it. If I called a friend or colleague a princess they would not be impressed.

I think of a friend called me poppit or munchkin or any of the other terms I use for my kids Id be unimpressed too tbh!

We stayed away from all consuming pink, princessey type things at home and perhaps went too far the other way with my first- we avoided anything traditionally "girly."

Ive come full circle with my second who did go through a princess stage - we have gab books like "dont kiss the frog" about alternative endings to princess stories, Zog and its sequel etc. I dont think my youngest has any of the negative connotations around princess and dont mind if others call her it at all.

Ive ensured im careful about the language I use and opportunities but I do think there is something around not making all traditionally feminine terms/activities as lesser. You can end up with only traditionally unisex or masculine things as acceptable and Id rather reclaim the feminine.

I agree with you, OP, I don't think nursery staff should use gendered words as terms of endearment. There are plenty of words that apply equally to girls and boys and they should pick one of those.

Unfortunately, the nursery staff will just think you are a loony bra-burning feminist and pity your daughter for having such an extremist mother

I work in a preschool, and wouldn't have a problem with someone asking me, but we wouldn't call a child princess anyway.

I did call a child 'your majesty' once, with a curtsey, but she was being The Queen, so it seemed the only polite thing to do.