To ask preschool to not call my daughter princess?

[CaviarAndCigarettes]

I understand princess has become somewhat commonplace in modern language. Where you would once call a young child poppet or sweetheart it has become princess, for girls.

I dislike the terminology. She isn't a princess. She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. She wrestles better than her older brother and is a tough negotiator. She's intuitive, creative, friendly and inquisitive.

We have consciously never called her princess and always use the same affectionate language with her and her brother - darling, sweetheart, superstar etc
Yet two weeks into preschool she is OBSESSED that she needs to be called princess.

Normally I would have put this down to other kids but I have heard the preschool team calling her princess several times within the two weeks - I hoped she wouldn't pick up on it and it wouldn't stick.

I know how difficult it is to not say something that just slips off your tongue with no malice or ill thought behind it. I haven't asked them to not call her princess and even if I did it must be a hard habit to break if that is their go to term of endearment for little girls... but I really want to ask them to try not to. And explain why. I want them to praise her efforts and her kindness and her attempts. Not stamp a princess and a sparkle on it..

Aibu?

I think madeoficecream has made a very valid point.

Oh get over yourself, it's a term of endearment. Would you rather 'well done cis person'?

I call my ds princess.

I also call him my beautiful princess.

Just embrace it 🤷‍♀️

@Namelessinseattle I do agree with you and Maui on that one, but we all know how precious she gets about it! 🐓

Well, maybe you should tell her not to insist the preschool teachers call her Princess? This pigeonhole smashing toddler appears to be creating her own pigeonhole, in this instance!

i use 'princessy' at work to complain about a programme we use when its being a bit flakey

but i agree that its not something to get really annoyed about, maybe its just the persons 'word' i say sausage a lot as a term of endearment...

Did anyone see that BBC programme about this kind of language being used in the classroom and the effect it had?

Yes. Fascinating and life changing. OP, Yanbu.

I am still cross with myself for not saying anything to the lady in the sorta shop the other day who said that a particular hockey stick for my son had ‘great boyish colours’. This is the son who proudly announces that there are no such things as boys’ toys and girls’ toys. I just said he could pick whichever colour he liked.

However, woman in sport shop was a two minute counter, not a teacher.

@aperolspritzplease wow, that's a leap!
No, I would much prefer "good morning, name, what would you like to do today"

Instead of "hi princess, would you like to come and play with the dolls?"

@SussexBonfireViking I agree it's really hard to stop saying your go to term of endearment. That's pretty much why I made the OP.
I get that if I raised it they would totally try to stop saying it, they're brilliant there. But I also understand it's damn near impossible to stop saying your go to words.

I just hate it,
I get that raising it probably won't change the world. But I still hate it

Where's piers Morgan when you need him?

You’re over thinking this.

I don’t like it but I’d feel like I was being that parent if i turned up and started complaining about it

Yabu but then i really dislike it when people talk about my dds looks only. She's two and she a very pretty little girl, long thick golden hair with a light curl but it's silky and shiny, big blue eyes and a little button nose but I just feel that's all people focus on oh isn't she beautiful isnt she gorgeous? Have you thought about getting her into modelling?

Uh no let me stop you right there! She is much more then that she's cheeky, shes funny she's clever, shes loving.

I dont want my dd to grow up thinking beauty is all that matters I want her to know that unless you are a kind, honest and decent person beauty alone does not matter! It takes more then big blue eyes and masses of silky hair to be beautiful.

Princess I dont mind so much as long as people use other words to describe her other then beautiful or pretty.

People use beautiful and pretty for all little kids, I wouldn’t worry that she’ll be defined by her looks...

@Boyicantwait2beamumagain I completely agree with what you're saying.

Xena was a princess...

No, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with them using the term with my DD, as long as they weren't also deciding what toys she could play with and what activities she could do because she's a girl.

Is the term princess derogatory now then? Better not tell my daughter as she thinks Princess Leia is amazeballs!!

I don’t like the term, always reminds me of dirty Den from EastEnders” Awight Pwincess”, plus I’m a feminist. But I still think yabu.
You seem to think princesses can’t be kick ass. Why?

YADNBU

I understand why this would bother you OP. Although I'm unsure if it would bother be I can see the point you make clearly. Nursery should take into account your wishes, I would speak to them :)

YANBU at all.

But just remember average IQ is only 100 which probably explains many of the responses here.

Hmm, it sounds to me OP that the staff are struggling to remember all the new names, and defaulting to princess when they're not sure.
My own DD who is now a very grungey 11yr old, went through a princess dress stage at pre-school. It lasted a couple of months, but we let it go. Most of the girls and some boys embraced their inner princesses for a bit, wore the dresses and then they moved onto to something else. It was excrutiating for us, but she loved it. It's a phase OP and a game your DD is playing, I think you should join in tbh and read Princess Smartypants!

YANBU. I can't stand it. But I'm not sure it's worth getting too worked up about it - mention it to the staff, it does no harm, but if they find it hard to change it's no biggie. At least you'd have made your point and let something that really bothered you out of the system.

I know she's only little, so this isn't strictly relevant, but can you really imagine a serious female politician or businesswoman being called 'princess'? I know 2 men who called me 'princess' as an adult and I really dislike it. It's hard to define, I don't mind 'hi gorgeous' as a greeting for example but 'princess' feels infantilising somehow. One of the men in question is a colleague and that's worse, it's like I'm not considered an equal colleague, just some accessory to look at.

Ok and princesses can be kick ass sure... but it's disingenuous to dismiss the ingrained associations of the word. 'She's such a princess!' 'What a princess' - are you sure you see these as complimentary?

I really wouldn't get myself worked up about a teacher calling my child princess. A good book for you to read to your daughter is "Not all princesses wear pink". My daughter calls herself a princess and regularly dresses up in sparkly things with tiaras from her dressing up box but she also climbs and rolls and comes home covered in mud and sand and is planning on being an astronaut ninja when she is big (she is 3! )

Calling a child by the term princess won't damage their self worth. But teaching them to value themselves whether they wear pink and sparkles or muddy clothes whilst kicking a football (or wearing pink sparkles whilst kicking a football around!) is very important, as is teaching them that other children who enjoy wearing princess clothes etc doesn't make them "wrong" or less worthwhile than a child who prefers alternatives.

Teachers are people.... not 'the school'

Terminology used is part of their personality. If you ask them to change themselves to suit you and your child then it's a step too far imo

Other parents might appreciate the sentiment of their child being called princess

Where does that leave you? Rules for each individual child? There's no time for that

Just leave it. You shouldn't try to change people's personality!!