To ask preschool to not call my daughter princess?

[CaviarAndCigarettes]

I understand princess has become somewhat commonplace in modern language. Where you would once call a young child poppet or sweetheart it has become princess, for girls.

I dislike the terminology. She isn't a princess. She's a very smart, kind and adventurous person. She wrestles better than her older brother and is a tough negotiator. She's intuitive, creative, friendly and inquisitive.

We have consciously never called her princess and always use the same affectionate language with her and her brother - darling, sweetheart, superstar etc
Yet two weeks into preschool she is OBSESSED that she needs to be called princess.

Normally I would have put this down to other kids but I have heard the preschool team calling her princess several times within the two weeks - I hoped she wouldn't pick up on it and it wouldn't stick.

I know how difficult it is to not say something that just slips off your tongue with no malice or ill thought behind it. I haven't asked them to not call her princess and even if I did it must be a hard habit to break if that is their go to term of endearment for little girls... but I really want to ask them to try not to. And explain why. I want them to praise her efforts and her kindness and her attempts. Not stamp a princess and a sparkle on it..

Aibu?

I apologise I wrote a massive reply to one pp and then my phone died and I lost it all.
I'm not surprised to see it's a mixed response. Some see a problem with it and some don't and that's fine.
As I said in my OP I understand it is a turn of phrase and it's difficult to change a turn of phrase, you don't use it consciously so it just slips out.
I would rather they didn't say it, but I'm also not going to kick up a massive fuss if they say it.

You are trying way to hard OP.

Being called 'Princess' by a nursery nurse aged 3 is going to have no bearing on her life, get a grip.

Princess Charlotte seems pretty sassy too!

The OP is Kate Middleton. I’ve cracked it. I really believe that Charlotte would outwrestle and out-negotiate George. I think she’s going to be fierce. I’m excited to see how ace she turns out.

tough negotiator

You say she is OBSESSED with the need to be called Princess. So they do.
Would you prefer they said “no, you little madam, you’re not a princess”?

I work in primary school and I call all the children 'chicken' or 'darling'. Same as I refer to everyone else... I can't imagine any situation in which I would call someone 'princess'... I don't live in eastenders, after all (thank goodness)

Yabu. It is possible to be all those things you've described and still be happy being called princess. We need to blend these things together, not dictate that you must be one or another.

I don’t think it’s any worse than sweetheart really.

Isn’t it a bit regional? You don’t really hear it around here and I associate it with London.

You can't dictate through life how she is spoken about it referred to

You are being ridiculous!!!

Speaking to the school is OTT

@Starlighter agreed! Loving the modern Disney princesses/queens! They've got something about them and aren't necessarily waiting to be saved!

I think the development of character role models is fantastic and we talk about the good things they do and the bad things they do. But you're right. It's the princess perception that does need to be changed and is changing.

Princesses of my time had dead parents and waited for a prince

@Namechangeforthiscancershit you've caught me out.. even without mentioning my younger child in the OP..

I'll speak to Granny and ask about that ME

Yes you thought that would throw us off the scent leaving out Louis!

I would complain if nursery called my child princess, have a friend who did exactly that too. Am totally with you OP

It's a bit common though. I'd object in those grounds

I hear it as 'all right Princess' Grant Mitchell style. Thankfully I don't have a DD to have this issue, but I would hate it. Of course princesses can be smart, brave, funny etc but the stereotype is delicate, big frocks and needing to be rescued.

So for 'pick your battles', I would pick this one.

@garethsouthgatesmrs I agree I could have gone there and received unrelenting support. But I didn't,
I asked an opinion and I got it. Thank you.

I know it doesn't seem as important to some as it does to me and that's why I asked for more unbiased opinions.

All I'm hoping to do is raise a child who is happy, kind and who doesn't feel like the world owes them something they haven't worked hard for and earned. I like to think we're doing a pretty good job so far.

@Namechangeforthiscancershit unfortunately for absolute confidentiality o had to give Louis a sex change..
Never liked the name anyway 😂

YANBU.

Did anyone see that BBC programme about this kind of language being used in the classroom and the effect it had?

Again, YANBU.

I agree OP. And to all those saying to doesn’t matter... it does!

So many studies have shown we encourage our children to conform to sex stereotypes. And by doing that we encourage certain behaviours.

Yes there are sassy princesses out there, but most stories have drippy wet ones that are waiting to be saved flouncing around in ridiculous dresses that mean they can’t run, climb etc as well as their male counterparts. I don’t blame you if you don’t want your daughter having them as a role model.

I would bring it up with nursery. I brought something similar up with mine. I don’t care if I’m ‘that parent’ the thing that bothered me doesn’t happen any more. How else will it change?

Oh and if you can’t change it at least buy your daughter a book of strong princesses. ‘Don’t kiss the frog’ isn’t bad. There are better role models but at least they have strong princesses male characters in the stories.

YABU I think it makes sexism worse not better to avoid these terms. I think it adds to the notion that anything traditionally feminine is silly or not worthy of note.
Its perfectly possible to be a princess and be intelligent and strong and whatever she wants to be...
If your daughter likes being called a princess what is the harm?
Why are only traditionally masculine interests worthy of praise? I dont think that helps the self worth of girls.... just teaches them that to be worthy of respect they have to act masculine and avoid traditionally feminine interests.... which in turn teaches them that traditionally masculinity is the ideal state and women really arent worth much at all unless they are 'one of the boys'

I personally don’t like ‘princess’ either. I would never call my 4 year old DD it. I would also object if someone else did. I don’t mind other terms of endearment, but ‘princess’ just grates on my nerves.

There are better role models but at least they have strong princesses male characters in the stories. They probably have ones who can type too....

There are better role models but at least they have strong princesses as main characters in the stories.

@sleepingstandingup if you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick you’re a princess

FWIW my 7 yr old DD is super bright, (as in off the scale at her end of year assessments at the end of Y1 at her fancy private school). She won the 80m sprint at sports day, is in squad gymnastics and had the sass of a teenager.

She also has a decent size birthmark on her thigh which we’ve called her ‘princess mark’ ever since she noticed it aged about 2. Because she IS my princess - she’s all round awesome and calling it that makes us both smile

YABU

People call my son “little prince” - It’s meant kindly and it doesn’t mean anything more than a sweet term of endearment.

@madeoficecream I completely agree with your argument. But she isn't a princess. Just as you and I aren't a princess. We are women. We are strong. I don't need a title. I want what she is to be enough. She's an absolute legend and I want her to own that. Princess/diva I've never heard a male equivalent. It's not needed apparently. She doesn't need a pigeon hole. She's already smashing them