Paid wrong person via PayPal. Help!

[NewNameDueToMyIdiocy]

Please be kind, I feel like a total idiot right now. Name changed because I am embarrassed and worried.

I sent some money via PayPal "Friends and Family" recently and inadvertently sent it to the wrong person (a total stranger!). It was not a small amount of money (hundreds) and I am now very worried at the possibility of not getting it back.

PayPal won't / can't help because I used F&F. I am obviously not expecting them to cover me, as I forfeited that right by using F&F, but they won't even request a refund on my behalf or anything. There is no option for me to do this myself via my account. The only dispute option open to me isn't applicable to the situation and when I raised a dispute it was closed almost immediately.

I have been in contact with the incorrect recipient via email and while they have replied to me, they haven't made it clear at all if they plan to return the money. I can understand that they might be worried about a scam or similar, but I'm really hoping I can convince them I am genuine.

AIBU to hope that they will return my money? Is there anything I can do if they don't? Has anyone ever been in this position? Help Mumsnet.

I'd go against the grain here and contact the recipient one more final time outlining very clearly their position in terms of the law and provide the report number to your Action Fraud report so they can see that it's a genuine case, not a fraudulent attempt at getting them to do anything untoward.

This might make them realise that doing nothing and simply sitting on your money whilst ignoring you is a criminal offence.

If they fail to respond to that I'd then report it to the police.

I'd also try and find a phone number number for PayPal and actually speak to someone if possible.

Doing nothing will let them think they've got away with keeping your money.

How awful for you. So hoping you get a refund.

I'd keep up regular updates with the recipient so you have something to refer to if it gets to a legal dispute.

Good luck

Who keeps someone else’s money for two weeks though?! A few days, a week maybe- but 2 weeks screams to me that they spent it. A few hundred too suggests that maybe they can’t afford to pay it back.

Any progress Op?

@Sunflowersforever

Nope, nothing yet. The fraud investigation itself won't be updated for up to twelve weeks, so it's a long old wait for any feedback unfortunately.

So now it's a case of waiting to see if the recipient has genuinely been trying to sort it out at their end and returns it before the 12 weeks is out, or contacting them again.

I'm in two minds about what it is best to do, honestly. I could really do without the stress now, I'm having a baby early next year and I'm trying to relax and put it out of my mind, but I'm finding it really hard to do so. And I just keep beating myself up for such a stupid mistake.

My gut instinct is probably to contact them again in a couple of weeks, basically with wording like @Failingat40 suggested... but that view seems to be in the minority and I'm very conscious of not being "threatening" / bothering them unduly etc.

My biggest worry with leaving it to the police is that the fraud investigation will simply find that there's not enough evidence to progress the case after the 12 weeks is up.

Gah! This all hurts my brain.

Like I said before, I'd keep up communication- even if it's just progress updates - so that if this does come to any legal standpoint, you can evidence that you tried at all points to resolve this amicably.

Try not to worry about having made a mistake, easily done. Like I say in our house, we don't live in a blame culture here.

It will sort itself out eventually

This is awful! What horrible people. He'd have known if it was a scam by now as the money would have not been available for them to actually withdraw. Sorry op, hope it turns out ok.

I don't think you should stop emailing them. I very much doubt they will go to the police about harassment when they are unlawfully withholding your money. If they do then it might work in your favour!
If you go quiet for long periods then they are probably hoping you will drop it.

I'm not entirely sure what you should say though. It would need to be informative and polite rather than pushy.

Maybe something along the lines of 'just writing to update you on progress my side. I've taken X steps. Would you kindly let me know what progress you have made'.

Or something like that. I think once a week is reasonable and shows you are going to keep pursuing it until it's resolved. I know it's stressful but I couldn't just write it off. That's probably what they are hoping for!

Maybe something along the lines of 'just writing to update you on progress my side. I've taken X steps. Would you kindly let me know what progress you have made'

This sounds like a good suggestion.

Poor Dear OP - I know the kicking-yourself feeling all too well.

I know you've been careful to give them time, especially since they seemed annoyed, but it's been long enough. I hope s/he has just been busy, and isn't a dickhead. (And clicking a refund button is not much of an "inconvenience".)

When was the last time you contacted the person?
If it's been over two weeks, I would write them a brief note and tell them that since it's been so long, you've been advised to report it through Action Fraud, and that you have done so.

Mention that you can appreciate it's been a bother, but surely they understand you haven't done this deliberately. You were hoping to resolve it human to human, and you've given ample time for them to ensure that it was a legitimate error. (Avoid saying 'it's not a scam', and avoid using the word 'scam' altogether.)
Offer an apology once, and only once, for any inconvenience. And maybe drop an indirect reminder that it is illegal for them to keep the funds.

Also, perhaps you might try sounding somewhat more casual, not too terribly formal (for the time being, anyway) and write something more like, "I still can't believe I did that, really sorry.... I'll need to buy you a drink when this is over, haha..."
That sort of thing.
I've used this approach for similar things, and it lightens up the situation for the other person, as well.
Or perhaps he'll still be a dickhead.

Have you called your Visa card company, and spoken to an actual person? (rather than automated) If nothing else, they should be able to advise you of other avenues of recourse. You still might be able to declare it as an "unauthorized charge" even though you sent it. The person now is unauthorized to keep it. Visa might be able to reverse it. I'd call them a few times, just to be sure. Sometimes a different person who answers the call will be more helpful than others. (Ask me how I know.)

I'm sure you'll get it back. But the distressful waiting does suck a big one.

Meanwhile, if you don't contact the person again, they might think you're going to just forget about it. Let them know it's not dropped, and you've now filed.

Had you done this to me, given it is such a highly publicised scam, I'd probably have contacted the police myself, about you. Ironically, this would probably have sorted it.

@nocool
I was thinking the same thing, too - but not really sure what the process would entail. The person may actually have done that, for all we know.
I wonder how long it would be before they (police) would contact OP?
I suppose it wouldn't be top on their list of priority cases.

The OP knows where the person works. In OP's shoes, I might ask the person to lunch, to get it sorted face to face. (Even if it might (and ridiculously so) risk being considered harrassment.)
I wouldn't advise anyone do so - but I would probably do just that very thing myself.
Face to face contact, if at all possible, would be best. imo.
For me, anyway.

Contact the police. PayPal have no interest in sorting this for you. They'll only sort it out if they get a police request. Just remember they get hundreds of incorrect payments each day and don't want the very time consuming hassle of resolving payment disputes.
Also tell PayPal you're contacting consumer columns in the newspapers. And lay a complaint with PayPal about how poorly they've dealt with your request. It's those that make the most noise that get assisted.
I avoid PayPal like the plague due to poor customer service.

Write them a letter before action and email it to them.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/taking-legal-action/small-claims/making-a-small-claim/

Give them a further 7 days to click the refund button, or you will be taking civil and criminal action to recover the money.

The dishonest scumbags that they are (don't put the last bit in).

It really isn't that much of a hassle to return the money. They have a paypal account already, obviously. They just put in the email address and the amount. Takes less than 5 minutes. It's wrong to keep the money this long and I don't think the OP should stop emailing.

But the hassle isn't returning it. The hassle is trying to establish that they're not falling victim to a widespread scam.

How would sending money back via your Paypal account (thus not giving anyone your bank details) make you the victim of a scam?

As multiple people have described already in this thread.

But it wouldn't be a scam at this point. The money would have cleared.

This is so frustrating OP.
Dh paid someone by mistake and we haven't got it back.

I'd go against the grain here and contact the recipient one more final time outlining very clearly their position in terms of the law and provide the report number to your Action Fraud report so they can see that it's a genuine case, not a fraudulent attempt at getting them to do anything untoward.

This might make them realise that doing nothing and simply sitting on your money whilst ignoring you is a criminal offence.

if they fail to respond to that I'd then report it to the police.

I'd also try and find a phone number number for PayPal and actually speak to someone if possible.

Doing nothing will let them think they've got away with keeping your money.

I agree with this! They're going to take your silence as guilt; that you're just hanging out with your scammer friends thinking, "Oh well, on to the next try."

A genuine person who'd lost hundreds of pounds would be going nuts by now and demanding it back!

@NewNameDueToMyIdiocy

How's this progressing?

Are you any further forward with getting your money back yet?

Thank you so much for all the helpful replies.

I am SO very pleased to report that the money was returned to me (minus the PayPal fees, which I can 100% live with seeing as it was my cock up in the first place!) this afternoon.

Honestly, I could cry I am so happy.

Now just need to cancel/update the fraud report ASAP, which I'm looking into now.

I have learnt several valuable lessons from this experience. Again, thank you so much to everybody for the advice, input, and general support! It was hugely appreciated.

WOW!!! I'm just SO thrilled for you ... that must be a colossal relief and I'm delighted it's ended well

And look on the bright side - I guarantee you'll never do the same again

Delurking to say HOORAY!

Really happy for you OP