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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Losing a friend over a wedding

92 replies

Fili96 · 14/09/2018 16:41

I recently ended up ending my friendship with my best friend of three years, ultimately due to her wedding, which is planned for August 2019. I was asked to be a bridesmaid and told she wasn’t having a maid of honour which is fine, I had no problem with this as I was happy just to be there and involved.
The whole drama started in a group chat where I said I was going to do a speech and she told me that I’d been pretty shy, hadn’t been interested in planning the wedding with her and that I had no interest in meeting her fiancés family.
I sent her a text trying to find out what was wrong and was hit with 7 long messages of things I had done ‘wrong.’
At the engagement party I transported balloons and also spent over 30 minutes setting up a balloon arch which was left to the last minute as her fiancé had failed to set up the marquee until an hour or two before the event started. I sat with ex work mates, one of which is also a bridesmaid. Another bridesmaid spent the night inside interacting with only a handful of people. She knows I’m an introvert and not comfortable nor have any desire to seek out and interact with people, though I did have a small conversation with the few people she introduced me to, because I wanted to make her happy.

The next morning we had to go back to get the car and she was mad at me for sitting down and talking to the few people there instead of helping her mother clean up after her party, even though she sat down the entire time to eat. I feel like this was a horrible thing to expect as my own personal opinion is you wouldn’t expect your friends to completely set up and clean up your party when you easily could do it, it just came down to poor planning and over catering.
We’ve been talking about her wedding for well over 2 years, well before she even got engaged. I’ve oohed and Ahhed and looked at so many things with her but apparently I wasn’t interested or excited enough for her, so much so that despite my attempts to go dress shopping with her, I wasn’t invited.
She even tried to have a go at me for not being there for the passing of her family cat, even though she never told me about it and I only found out two days later via social media.
We haven’t spoken nearly as much as we used to over the last few months, we’ve both been very busy with work and life in general, though she did try to tell me she speaks to the other bridesmaids more than me though I remember a time before she asked them where they didn’t speak to her for weeks and months at a time.

I said to her that our friendship was between us, not between her fiancés friends and family and that while I can be polite, have a conversation and get along with everyone for her wedding, I wasn’t interested in getting to know anyone beyond that, but apparently I’m a horrible person for wanting privacy and being myself?
After we decided to end our friendship, she asked for the bridesmaid box she had gifted me back and asked that I return it undamaged, needless to say I was gobsmacked by that, I couldn’t believe her cheek.
Don’t get me wrong, I was excited for her wedding, but with it being a year away and Talking about the wedding non stop it starts to wear you down, she really changed in the first few months she got engaged and I’m so heartbroken that this is how things ended.

Has anyone else been through something similar with a bridezilla? Or was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
Whatsthisbear · 14/09/2018 17:28

Ooooh send her a link to this thread!
Whilst the end of a friendship is upsetting you are very lucky to not have to put up with her being bridezilla for anothe whole year.

Although why did you want to make a speech if she hadn't asked you to do one? It seems that was the catalyst to her ranting messages. Maybe she didn't want you to. Or have I missed something and she did ask?
Anyhow, she is someone else's problem now Wink

MrsCountless · 14/09/2018 17:30

My friendship of forty years has recently ended over a wedding. Again a long engagement and a series of events relating to extravagant wedding plans. It’s sad. But you’re not alone.

Fili96 · 14/09/2018 17:30

AnnLovesGilbert she would have a hard time finding someone with the same name, but I can gaurantee I will be replaced so much so that she even asked for the bridesmaid top I paid for back

OP posts:
Fili96 · 14/09/2018 17:34

Whatsthisbear the speech came about as an attempt at light humour while talking about some fun times, I never meant anything by it and would have been happy either way, was completely up to her. I feel like her wedding planning wasn’t going the way she wanted and she needed a scapegoat

OP posts:
Andylion · 14/09/2018 17:36

What, in the name of god, is a bridesmaid top?

DancingForTheDog · 14/09/2018 17:39

What is it with these brides who think that once a friend has agreed to be a bridesmaid they are effectively a slave at the beck and call of the bride until the wedding? Your ex-friend sounds bonkers and you should count yourself lucky you no longer have to humour the loon.

AnoukSpirit · 14/09/2018 17:39

This person cannot possibly be old enough to be getting married.

Fili96 · 14/09/2018 17:44

Andylion a bridesmaid top is what we all ended up having to buy one day out of the blue when the bride decided she didn’t want us to wear the lovely wrap dresses she originally had picked out for the previous year. It’s alright for a dinner or a day in the park but not ideal for a wedding. It is a off the shoulder light pink top from Crossroads and we had yet to organise the blue skirts to go with it.

AnoukSpirit she’s 28

OP posts:
DickTERFin · 14/09/2018 17:45

Some people bridezillas take the "maid" bit in bridesmaid a leeeetle too literally.

Just be happy that you dodged that bullet and spare a few kind thoughts to the poor buggers who are still going to have to go above and beyond with the whole performative best friending shite.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2018 17:49

Wow you dodged a bullet there, she doesn't sound too nice. A bridesmaid box, and her wedding is a year away. Wow, talk about being a bridezilla.

Prettyvase · 14/09/2018 17:49

Hahaha! Please laugh about this op if you can, she sounds unhinged.

Keep the bridesmaid box if it's worth something to you, send it back if not.

You had the best years with her, now it's all downhill so mourn for the friend she was, not as she is now, as she's off her rocker.

Branleuse · 14/09/2018 17:49

Tell her that shes gone so bonkers and unreasonable over this extended engagement and ridiculous wedding that its verging on hilarious, but to knock herself out cos you dont have time for these petty dramatics

Rhondacross · 14/09/2018 17:50

Well, she doesn't get a top that you paid for unless she gives you full price for it. And if you were me she'd be wearing her fucking bridesmaid's box. Grin

Ellisandra · 14/09/2018 17:51

Well she sounds bizarre...
But you don’t just announce that you’re giving a speech.
I’d like to here the other side of this one.
That said - I’m definitely WTF at a bridesmaid’s box. Though, maybe it was nice of her to do something for you all - especially already. She sounds about 12.

Knittedfairies · 14/09/2018 17:53

That top is yours if you paid for it; she needs to pay you if she wants it - full price + storage fee.

PlatypusPie · 14/09/2018 17:53

‘Passing of the family cat ‘ !? I mean, sad for the family, and cat, but on what planet is it an obligation of a friend?

Ellisandra · 14/09/2018 17:53

How can a top be suitable for going out for dinner and a day at the park? Confused

Light pink top and blue skirt sounds like two tone hideousness to me.

Fili96 · 14/09/2018 17:54

Thanks everyone, I’m definitely viewing this as a life lesson and as a what not to do if I ever get married!
Since ending the friendship I haven’t heard any word from the other bridesmaids even after I was tossed from the group conversation.

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 14/09/2018 17:54

Cut her off. Be glad you can get rid of the bridesmaid box. I wouldn’t want any reminders of this crazy wedding.

Manage your emotions over the end of this friendship without contacting her.

Weddings can be very destructive! People can see nothing but their own wedding. Must be a strange feeling the day after!

Aeroflotgirl · 14/09/2018 17:54

If she is like this now, think of how she would be like in the run up to the wedding, dread the thought.

EnglishRose13 · 14/09/2018 17:57

If you paid for the top, only give it to her if she's willing to pay for it.

craftylala · 14/09/2018 17:58

She's self obsessed, selfish and you are of course better off out of it. Please don't stoop to doing anything in retaliation and when (if???) the wedding actually happens, its OK of course to send a congrats card if you want to. You are the better character here, breathe a sigh of relief and crack open that wine - oops , you've spilled some on the bridesmaid box.

RibbonAurora · 14/09/2018 18:00

Return the box but tell her you want reimbursing for the top. Just thank your lucky stars you're not going to be around come the time of the hen party, it's probably going to be some overseas extravaganza costing thousands.

gendercritter · 14/09/2018 18:12

I think she'll look back in 20 years time when she's got a bit more life experience and be absolutely mortified. She is being very silly. It's such a shame you've lost a friendship over this but she has behaved very badly.

BunsOfAnarchy · 14/09/2018 18:24

Bridemaids top? Bridesmaids box? Dafuq?!?

Well done! You dodged a bullet!.
Phew! Pour yourself a glass of wine and give yourself a pat on the back. Life will be much better from now on.

She sounds like a fucking tosser.

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