To be dreading telling my parents I am pregnant?

[1Wanda1]

I am not a teenager - I’m over 40!

Same sex relationship, married. I am 19 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted baby. I also have 2 older children from previous marriage (divorced years before meeting DW).

When I told parents that I was in love with a woman, they reacted very badly. When I told my mum we had just got engaged, her response was “Oh. You want to do THAT. Well, if that’s what floats your boat. I don’t really know what you expect me to say.” Before we got married, we told her we planned to have a baby. She said things like “Why? Wanda already has 2 children. I thought you were committed to your career? A child needs 2 parents. Meaning a father and a mother. Etc.” As a result, I never raised the subject again with her and didn’t tell her when we had IVF.

As background, when I had my first 2 DC I was married to a man, was financially secure and had a nice home. Even so, when I told her about each pregnancy she was not happy. Despite this, my parents are excellent grandparents.

I have to tell them this weekend. Along with being uncomfortable with the concept of a baby born to same-sex parents, my mum is going to be upset that she is “the last to know”. The main reason I haven’t told her sooner is because I can’t cope with how the conversation is going to go. I love them, even if they do struggle with my “lifestyle choice” (as they see it). Unfortunately my natural response is to become defensive and argumentative when my mum makes judgemental comments.

Any tips on how to drop the baby bomb without ending up feeling obliged to argue against statements like “it’s not fair on the child”? I really want to avoid a row.

So glad op, best wishes to you and your DW

Remember. This is your life. Do not allow the opinions of others to influence your life.

Back home now. Feeling so much more relaxed now that I've told them and there is no big drama about it. Honestly it feels great.

I would tell your parents however I wanted to. In my case it would be a picture of some babies feet with the news inside before you go to stay.
I would keep it joyful and brief.
Then she has the opportunity to think about it, call you or not and cancel the stay.
Whatever their reaction might be you are pregnant and your health and stress levels come first.
If she can’t be happy for you I would reconsider your visit.
You don’t have to put up with their hideous homophobic views.
The time is approaching when you will need to stand up for what you are, your blossoming family and put them firmly back in their place.
You are allowing them far to much oxygen to be unkind to you, and this needs to stop certainly before your baby arrives.
Congratulations 🎉💐

Well - it is not really up to them to foist their opinions on you. You are a grown adult and you have now fled the nest! You can do whatever you want!

Just tell them - if a fuss ensues, just say "Look I am a grown adult now and can make my own choices. I know you find that hard, but it is a fact. I hope that you will be able to enjoy your new GC when he/she arrives - I would love that. But you have to make your own choices."

Glad it went well, OP. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy!

Hmmm I’m a total wimp and would text and switch my phone off for a week lol!!

Is so awful that you’re put in this position :(
Can’t believe some people still hold such negative views about same sex relationships these days.

Hope you’re ok op, no advice really but hope it goes ok xxx

Just read your update. Glad it went well xx

With each of my three pregnancies my mother has been upset by the news. She adores kids in general and specifically mine. She loves my husband. There's absolutely no reason to be upset but she was. Reactions included:

"Oh for god's sake! How could you be so stupid!"
"What?! Not again! Why?"
"Well, this will have to be the last time!"

I don't know why she does this. It's incredibly hurtful and rude and makes me so sad and angry. I dread telling her important information. I think she just really struggles to cope with major changes. She was terrible when I got married too.

Good luck, Op.

I'm so glad there was a positive ending to this thread. Congratulations to you and your DW

Thank you all for your kind words and good wishes. We are very lucky and life feels good.

Hi, I haven’t read the whole thread yet so sorry if i’ve not caught up. I’m also in a same sex relationship and had exactly this dilemma, I ended up paying for counselling to deal with how I was going to tell my devout Catholic mother and sister that I was pregnant. In the end I rang her up, I was brief, she was brief, it was upsetting, the rest of my pregnancy was strained (we saw each other just a handful of times) and then I went in to labour, she turned in to a lioness and absolutely adores her grandchild. There is obviously a much longer story than that. Sorry, you asked for advice, not personal accounts. I just wanted to let you know that I understand and I was there too. So in short, I’d say over the phone worked well for me, and I felt such massive relief afterwards.

I’ve just caught up! That’s great news and I’m really happy for you

Thanks Ellegeebee, I'm pleased to hear that your mum came round as well. I guess it is hard to resist the allure of a lovely baby, especially when it is your grandchild.