To be miffed that my "friend" refuses to call me by my name

[boterbier]

Disclaimer: I've got a fairly common, easy-to-pronounce name so it isn't a case of this individual being incapable of saying it or anything like that.

As it goes, said "friend" thinks my name is too feminine for me (bloody ridiculous) and has resorted to calling me either by my last name (weird) or a portmanteau of my first/last name (even weirder especially seeing as how this new creation is homophonous with my ex's name).

Told her to cut it out multiple times and all I get is a smug "trust me this suits you way better you'll see"!

AIB petty or is she being a soggy nugget?

[Bluntness100]

She's putting you down.

Do it back, tell her her name is too pretty/intelligent for her and start calling her Edna. And you kove the idea of new names.

If some one asks say it's an in joke between you both. Always refer to her as Edna in public.

[SuckOnTHATRyan]

Oh no, don’t call her Edna. That’s the cool designer in The Incredibles! Can’t you just say “your name doesn’t suit you at all! I’m going to call you bumface instead”. Childish? Moi?

[Hadalifeonce]

Why do people feel they have to right to just change someone's name? It's beyond rude, especially when it's pointed out and they still refuse to call them by their preferred name.
I had to ask a sports coach at school to stop shortening DD's name as she doesn't like it, and NO ONE calls her it. He said, she still responds, o course she does, you are her teacher, please stop!!!!!!

[toomuchtooold]

@WerewolfNumber1 @boterbier I'm pretty sure that book was A Big Boy Did It And Ran Away by Chris Brookmyre, or if not that one he was definitely the author. Brilliant book!

[Bluntness100]

Ok not Edna then, what about Bertha.

[Gilead]

ex dh did this to me. He changed my name. He took my name along with my voice and identity. It's a form of control. Do not respond.

[twoshedsjackson]

Two-pronged attack; blank look/no response to incorrect name, plus ask other members of the group, within her earshot, whether "friend" has learning difficulties, or is maybe dyslexic, "as she just can't seem to learn my name, and goodness knows, it's not an unusual one". Show deep concern, ask her if she was meaning to talk to you, as she didn't quite get the name right, it's actually boterbier, in the tone of one spelling things out to a slow-on-the-uptake toddler.......

[SuckOnTHATRyan]

Oh I like Bertha. Bertha Bumface.

[PhilomenaButterfly]

Don't answer her unless she uses your name.

[Cagliostro]

You have to come up with an equally ridiculous portmanteau/rhyming name for her. Something harmless but absolutely not her name. Nothing rude as then you lose the moral high ground!

What a twerp though. Is she controlling in other ways? It seems very controlling to refuse to use somebody’s name.

[Bluntness100]

I quite like big Bertha. Tell her it's a compliment due to her innate strength, then always refer to her as big Bertha in group,

As in look at big Bertha there doing a a downward dog. Fascinating.

[gottastopeatingchocolate]

I'm also very reluctant to be too harsh on this woman because everyone is here to relax before/after work and any drama between us two would inevitably affect the group "mood"

I understand, but I wouldn't let her continue to call me by a "more suitable" name just to keep the peace. I think I would attack it head on, but without drama. Not even wait for the next time she says anything - just next time you see her, tell her quietly that it really upsets you and she needs to address you by your proper name - and outline what you have said above about a relaxing environment and not wanting it to become a drama that affects the group mood.

[QuizzlyBear]

Start calling her 'Pig-faced Lil' and if she looks surprised or protests, just tell her you think 'it suits her much better'...

[CaurnieBred]

@boterbier It is "A Big Boy Did it and Ran Away" by Christopher Brookmyre. Set in Scotland. Is a great book.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Next time, tell her you don't think her face suits her and walk off.

Cheeky cow.

[TheRoadLessRocky]

I'm also very reluctant to be too harsh on this woman because everyone is here to relax before/after work and any drama between us two would inevitably affect the group "mood"

Turn this around. It is not you causing the change in group mood, it is her rude behaviour that is doing so. You can't go on feeling uncomfortable and unhappy to stop everyone else feeling uncomfortable and unhappy. Call her out in front of the others so they can support you. Do it in private and she'll twist it to you being in the wrong.

[Rhiannon13]

Total weirdo. Only respond if she uses your name. Don't play along by changing hers, or correcting her each time (she'll be enjoying the irritation she's causing), because it really isn't a game: it's hugely offensive. Do you think she needs help? This is hugely abnormal behaviour for an adult to display.

[3luckystars]

Just say 'my mother picked that name' and then just drift off, like there is harp music playing.

Then start calling her Janet.

[Bellyscreen]

There’s a guy at my workplace, a friend actually, who does this. He genuinely does it as a friendly, ‘banter’ type of thing (although I hate the word banter). He’s trying to create a rapport with people. He’d be horrified if it genuinely was upsettting someone.

So could it be that she’s trying (in maybe the wrong way) to get closer to you?

[NonaGrey]

plus ask other members of the group, within her earshot, whether "friend" has learning difficulties, or is maybe dyslexic, "as she just can't seem to learn my name, and goodness knows, it's not an unusual one

Twosheds please don’t use learning difficulties or dyslexia as an insult.

Just don’t.

[WerewolfNumber1]

Thanks to those who’ve named the book!

OP, if this woman has a birthday coming up youvoudo give her a copy of the book, it’s really good plus makes clear that changing peoples names is a twattish thing to do :)

[Hadalifeonce]

You have to speak to her in front of others, very quietly. Just say "I have no idea why you continue to call me ..."name", you know it isn't my name, I have asked you before to stop, and you haven't. It is quite rude and disrespectful of you to behave in this way." Hopefully the quiet voice an direct approach will give her food for thought. No drama, just say it as it is, hopefully the others will see how reasonsble you are, so she cannot accuse you of over reacting.

[NonaGrey]

Hada gives excellent advice.

[WerewolfNumber1]

I agree with Hada.
Calm, direct, in front of others, and don’t let her off the hook. So if her response is “ha ha you know I’m only joking!” You respond with “I’ve told you before that I find it very rude and would like you to stop”, don’t go along with her.

I do think it’s a power thing - like she’s saying she’s so powerful and in charge that she gets to dictate/control your identity.

[LeroyJenkins]

just ignore her when she uses the wrong name