To be miffed that my "friend" refuses to call me by my name

[boterbier]

Disclaimer: I've got a fairly common, easy-to-pronounce name so it isn't a case of this individual being incapable of saying it or anything like that.

As it goes, said "friend" thinks my name is too feminine for me (bloody ridiculous) and has resorted to calling me either by my last name (weird) or a portmanteau of my first/last name (even weirder especially seeing as how this new creation is homophonous with my ex's name).

Told her to cut it out multiple times and all I get is a smug "trust me this suits you way better you'll see"!

AIB petty or is she being a soggy nugget?

[whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2]

Never respond. Totally ignore her. It will stop.

[PenguinBollard]

I'm torn between

"If we're calling people by names that suit people, can I call you Adolf? As you seem to be determined to categorise and hurt people."

Or the more mature

"Rightly or wrongly, you are really upsetting me by calling me XXXX. Please call me by my real name. In the nicest way, I find it incredibly offensive that you insist on something you know makes me uncomfortable."

Or just tell Adolf to jog on

[CoraPirbright]

Any update OP? What tack have you decided to take with this horrible bully?

[MumW]

I'm also very reluctant to be too harsh on this woman because everyone is here to relax before/after work and any drama between us two would inevitably affect the group "mood".
But she is affecting your mood and you've as much right to get a relaxing experience. Bullies rely on the fact that most people don't want to cause a scene. Could you talk to the instructor? After all, it's their responsibility to ensure everyone has a good experience of the class which you are clearly not. If anything, I think this stupid cow should be asked to leave.

As an aside, I favour calling her Bertha. Conjures up big, fat elephant for me.

[Bashun]

Spot the dog for her????!!!??, what does that mean?

[roundturnandtwohalfhitches]

I'd set my ringtone to the Ting Tings - 'That's not my name' and get people to phone me when she's there.

[CantGetDecentNickname]

I would correct her gently every time with a simple “It’s xxx”. Let her have her rant about it not suiting you or whatever, don’t engage with this but change the subject to the weather or another boring or polite conversation ( Grey rock technique) and next time repeat “It’s xxx”. Do it nicely but persist.

If it is a class you should ideally do it in front of others because that will really put a spanner in the works for her as everyone will see her for the twat she is and she will know it too.

This. The ideal time to tackle her is in front of the group. Along with lines (in a projected voice so others can’t help but hear) such as “My name is X. I find you very rude in repeatedly refusing to call me by my name and must therefore ask you not to speak to me unless you can use my correct name” or simply “...ask you not to speak to me again.” You should only need to do this once provided you sound loud and confident- not angry.

You can also arrive slightly late to your group and sit away for her and talk to others instead. Please don’t engage in name calling as that is letting her dictate your behaviour as well as your name! Please let us know how you get on.

[LemurintheSun]

A colleague at work started putting "The" in front of my name. His name was John. Big mistake.

[OJZJ]

In all fairness boterbier she may just find your name calling of "crunchy pasta" and "soggy nugget" equally as offensive as she identifies more with "soft whelk"or "lumpy milk" or the more endearing and accurate pet name of "offensive c**t" ...

[Iseveryusernametaken]

Ooh! This could be the perfect opportunity to bring out 'Princess Consuela Bananahammock'

Or 'Crap Bag'

😂

[SilverySurfer]

It's damn rude and I would retaliate by saying something like 'you know, you're right, not everyone suits their given name. For instance you look like a Fuckbucket (or other rude random name) to me - so henceforth that's what I shall call you.' See how she likes that.

[ResistanceIsNecessary]

The Chris Brookmyre book is excellent - it's one of my favourites.

[Lucked]

I would correct her gently every time with a simple “It’s xxx”. Let her have her rant about it not suiting you or whatever, don’t engage with this but change the subject to the weather or another boring or polite conversation ( Grey rock technique) and next time repeat “It’s xxx”. Do it nicely but persist.

If it is a class you should ideally do it in front of others because that will really put a spanner in the works for her as everyone will see her for the twat she is and she will know it too.

[Port1ajazz]

She is happy to disrespect you in this way , I'd say she's not a true friend !

[YearOfYouRemember]

Tell her you'll tell your mum over her since your mum named you .

[Aspenfrost]

Yeah. I think you should not be around her at all. She is a weirdo.

[category12]

Don't hang out with her on your own and when she calls you the wrong name in front of the group, just say "that's not my name", if she says "but this one suits you better etc", just say calmly over her "that's your opinion, but my name is still boterbier. It really doesn't matter if you think it suits me or not."

[moredoll]

Richard is good. She's not your friend.

[LilacUndertones]

Call her Richard because she’s being a dick.

[pollymere]

Call her Soggy Nugget, because it really suits her.

[Undercoverbanana]

This is actually quite disturbing and controlling. This is how dangerous people operate. Slave owners used to give slaves a name of their own choosing to prove ownership and control and to destroy the slaves’ sense of identity so that they could not even own their own name.

At best it is bullying. At worst it is extremely sinister. This person is to be avoided at all costs.

[Bekstar]

I'd be going back at her. Rename her the most inappropriate and appealing name and insist you use that as her name doesn't suit her anymore. Something like Fanny Longlegs or Ginger Moosh and call her it at the top of your voice wherever you are. If you get stares just calmly turn round and say to people. "Please don't stare, that's her real name, she likes it, that's all that matter" and see how long before she tires of it

[Turquoise123]

Not a friend I think ? Have no dealings with her for a coupe of months and then see ...

[Rudgie47]

I would end the friendship,I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was that rude and controlling.
She knows your name but wants to be a bitch to you. No thanks theres better people out there.

[Thebluedog]

Your friends will soon start finding it amusing and laughing everyone you do it. They might actually jump in the band wagon too if you keep it lighthearted, and then hopefully she’ll stop