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Original poster

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
OrchidInTheSun · 13/09/2018 10:17

I think that fare sounds about right. Bear in mind that those buses stop in a couple of places to pick up passengers so it won't be a quick journey.

I don't know whereabouts you are in PC but there is a soft play/bouncy castle place at the far right of the harbour. The beach that end is nice too.

Best food shops are at the other end

StealthPolarBear · 13/09/2018 10:18

Surely your friend will be in touch either before the end of the holiday or if she's gone home, when she gets back. It's very bad of her to do this

RumbleMum · 13/09/2018 10:20

I'm fairly confident travelling with kids and I'd have been completely wrong-footed by this too, so don't worry about people asking what the fuss is about, OP. There's a big difference between planning to travel alone with a child, and having it happen unexpectedly.

ForTheTimeBeing · 13/09/2018 10:39

I can't believe this thread! OP, you have to get a grip and start acting like an adult. Asking for advice on how to book a taxi etc is fine. Whining that you have been "abandoned" is pathetic.

flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 10:42

op for the car seat - if you have amazon - they sell a good car seat bag I think its by kango kids, that you wear like a rucksack. I bought one for our holiday and it made it much easier, child in pram, car seat on back, suitcase in other hand. not ideal but maybe slightly easier.

hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday Flowers

flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 10:43

Whining that you have been "abandoned" is pathetic

well what else would you call it?

leaving your best friend because you feel slightly ill is a lot more pathetic, don't you think?

WeWantJustice · 13/09/2018 10:48

for a single parent to be flapping about luggage and taxis sounds odd.

Because they're all superwomen, right? As soon as they become single mothers, they suddenly know all about how to deal with everything in an uber-competent manner?

WTF is that stereotype about. The reason single mothers come across as competent, is because we have to plan everything meticulously down to the last detail to make sure there are no disasters. Whether or not you're going to have someone else with you on holiday, determines what sort of holiday you plan.

When some cunt decides that she's going to fuck up all the plans without the courtesy of even a proper explanation or an offer of help to re-arrange the plans ("can I take the car seat home for you?" "should I transfer the hire car over to your name so that you've got access to it?" "when I get to the airport shall I enquire about a transfer for you and text you the details where you can speak to someone English speaking about it?") that throws all your carefully arranged plans into chaos and reminds you again, that you're on your own and everything comes down to you and you can't rely on anyone else and it is mentally exhausting and deeply upsetting at a time when you weren't expecting to be reminded of that. I understand that that's difficult to empathise with if a) you haven't been in that movie yourself and/ or b) you're not very good at empathy, but the OP's first response of feeling abandoned and wretched about it, is perfectly understandable if a and b doesn't apply to you.

Having said that, OP what you have to do now, is re-organise the plan so that you feel you have a plan for the rest of the holiday that is in place and effective and you can rely on it. And once you've done that, you can relax and enjoy your holiday with your DD, there's loads of stuff that you can do together in a relaxed environment, that will mean you'll enjoy this holiday.

WeWantJustice · 13/09/2018 10:51

Oh yeah, it's pathetic for single mothers ever to have any wobbles ever, about any aspect of their lives or parenting. Hmm

FFS.

Some of you people should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. But inevitably, you won't be.

flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 10:59

and can I say I was stressing at an airport with a 2yo even though I had dp with me because at the best of times airports are stressful places and adding a 2yo and much luggage into the equation doesn't make it any easier!

being left on your own with all that, unexpectedly, must be very hard.

its entirely different than planning to go away on your own with a 2yo, where you might have decided not to take a car seat, or less luggage, and already played it through your head 10 times what you're going to do. in fact, you would have probably planned a v different holiday if you knew you would be the only adult.

chillychips · 13/09/2018 11:00

I'm with @WeWantJustice. Not surprised you're feeling the way ur. Your friend was totally out of order taking off and leaving you and young child alone. As you say, when you book accommodation etc you do so depending on your circumstances. So, if you're going alone you stay somewhere with amenities on site or close by, somewhere where you don't feel isolated. I would anyway!

Take care, I hope once you get your bearings you can both enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Eledamorena · 13/09/2018 11:07

I've only read the first couple of pages but in case nobody has subsequently commented on the Spanish you've put together to ask for help from your host - it is great! Have them read it rather than trying to pronounce it and they will definitely understand!

mrsm43s · 13/09/2018 11:08

Surely your luggage and your 2 year old were always your responsibility, so nothing has changed, except that you need to book a taxi to the airport as you no longer have use of the hire car. That's really not a big deal.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 11:10

Surely your luggage and your 2 year old were always your responsibility

what, so you wouldn't offer to pull the suitcase of your friend whilst they dealt with a pram, carseat and toddler? crikey.

elpapadelapepa · 13/09/2018 11:19

We live in Spain, your Spanish text sounds fine. Remember that most people in Mallorca are used to dealing with tourists who speak limited Spanish, most people will have some basic English, some will speak it really well. And there's no need to feel embarrassed, a big smile and a lot of gestures will go a long way in getting your meaning across.

DeltaG · 13/09/2018 11:25

Maybe my view is different as I have travelled all over the place and lived in various developing countries on my own. I now frequently travel internationally for work and with a 2 year old and a baby on my own, as I live abroad.

So perhaps that gives me a different take on things but even so, I can't understand the panic at having to manage on my own in Spain!

crispysausagerolls · 13/09/2018 11:27

If my friend had left me by myself with a toddler with no explanation, abroad , and fucked off home, she had better have a damn good excuse if she ever wanted to rekindle a friendship.
Fuck finding out if she is ok.

This!!! especially on a free holiday!!!!

HavelockVetinari · 13/09/2018 11:29

@DeltaG what a lovely supportive post Hmm

Don't be a dick.

WeWantJustice · 13/09/2018 11:29

Surely your luggage and your 2 year old were always your responsibility, so nothing has changed, except that you need to book a taxi to the airport as you no longer have use of the hire car. That's really not a big deal.

Everything has changed. She is now doing all this on her own, not with another adult. That makes everything different. If she had known that would be the case, she would have organised a different holiday, taken different items, had a completely different set up.

I am astonished that people don't seem to understand this.

DeltaG · 13/09/2018 11:30

I'm not being a dick, I'm trying to put the situation into perspective. It really isn't the end of the fucking world is it?

WeWantJustice · 13/09/2018 11:31

DeltaG, you are able to do that because you plan it all out first and do all the things you need to do to make it work.

That is a completely different scenario from having it suddenly landed on you without any notice and any preparation.

Do you really not understand that?

PorkFlute · 13/09/2018 11:32

I don’t think anyone expects single mothers to be superwoman but nor would I expect it to be a catastrophe to have to look after their child by themselves on holiday. If you’re bringing up a child alone surely booking a taxi online and asking someone to help with your luggage aren’t such insurmountable tasks that they ruin a holiday?

IrmaFayLear · 13/09/2018 11:32

My post was deleted for complaining about all the posters rushing to excuse the OP's friends on grounds of mental health.

However, still standing are numerous posts castigating OP for having a bit of a meltdown over being left on her own unplanned in a foreign country. And what is more for daring to do so as a single parent!

OrchidInTheSun · 13/09/2018 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 13/09/2018 11:42

I don't think anyone needs to take sides here. If OP's friend had been a good friend for years we can only assume that there's some reason for this that may or may not come to light later. Even from a selfish perspective it would make no sense to pay for flights and a hire car only to leave suddenly at the start of the holiday - there MUST BR A REASON. It's also possible she underestimated how stressful OP would find it being abroad with a toddler. Single parents do go on holiday with young children so she probably assumed OP would manage (which she will).

On the other hand I can absolutely empathise with OP - she hadn't planned to be in a foreign country with DD without help and may well have not chosen to go had she known. She's navigating international travel with a young child for the first time and it's incredibly daunting. I do think OP will be absolutely fine in the end but there is absolutely no need to berate her for feeling panicked and the sudden change.

I really don't think this is an occasion which warrants such animosity.

Motoko · 13/09/2018 11:42

The lack of empathy from so many, towards OP on this thread, is very disappointing to see. I'm glad plenty of other posters have understood why OP was panicking and have posted to support OP with a kindly word and helpful advice.

You've got this OP, and I hope things aren't looking so daunting now you have a plan. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.