Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
labazs · 14/09/2018 19:13

deep breath book taxi you seem to have figured that out so well done enjoy the holiday relax spend quality time with your daughter dont worry about your friend something was obviously wrong with her mental state your partner has done what he can well done to him for trying to help yes you have a lot of stuff to cope with but i bet there will be helpful people who see you are on your own and will help you as for daughter on plane bribe her to be good tell her shes going to see her animals and granny to be a good girl and choose a treat on the last day to enjoy on the plane

neveradullmoment99 · 14/09/2018 19:26

She is NOT your friend. Give her a wide berth imo.
Totally and utterly selfish. Please don't just let that go.

Lostandfound81 · 14/09/2018 19:28

@Branleuse

Thankfully I have never had a mental breakdown.

However I can see that someone suffering from one could be suffering so deeply and so insular that a friend/loved one treats me badly, and I would continue to “give a fuck”.

Lostandfound81 · 14/09/2018 19:31

She is NOT your friend. Give her a wide berth imo.
Totally and utterly selfish. Please don't just let that go.

Unbelievable.
The Op has a 13 year relationship with this woman. They have been incredibly close.
On this occasion the woman has behaved poorly, but there may well be a back story. On paper at least, this woman has really let the OP down.

But for a poster to be so black and white, so utterly 100% confident about a 13 year relationship that she knows so very little about is so arrogant!

alifromtheforest · 14/09/2018 19:33

Bloody HELL! I cannot believe what I've just read!

She:

Is a very close friend, stayed with you lots of times and is completely au faith with having a toddler around
Accepted your kind invitation for her to stay with you and dd
Changed her mind and left suddenly with no real explanation, leaving you in a very difficult position
Allowed you to believe that she was going home
Disappeared off the radar
Has only been in contact with your boyfriend
Has now confessed that she's actually stayed on the island!!!!!!!!!

WTAF?!?

alifromtheforest · 14/09/2018 19:34

*au fait

Charolais · 14/09/2018 19:42

My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight

I missed this part.

I still believe the friend found someone more fun than a woman and her toddler.

loosenknot · 14/09/2018 19:52

Don't panic. I've been on loads of holidays alone with my two kids. It's fine. You'll be able to enjoy it once you relax, and you will feel SO PROUD OF YOURSELF when you realise you can do it (and enjoy it).
Re the flight. I used to make a little bag of treats, and tell the children they could open them on the plane. There were sweets in there, and a few colouring pencils and it kept them distracted for an hour. If you have an iPad definitely put some cartoons on. That will work wonders.

If it's Airbnb the host might help. I've always found them to be very kind. Best. of luck. Report back. You'll be fine.

Carriecakes80 · 14/09/2018 19:52

Just came back from Los Angeles and the couple next to us had a 3 year old daughter, plus four other kids, and cannot stress enough how amazing the flight attendants were at helping when the parents needed it.
The little girl was crying so much at first, and we could see her parents worrying about upsetting everyone, however, most people understand that flights are hard work with kids, especially 11 hour ones lol, so I promise you will be absolutely fine.

Aridane · 14/09/2018 19:56

I wouldnt give a fuck whether it was a mh crisis or a breakdown. I dont have time for people that treat me badly

Oh my

Branleuse · 14/09/2018 20:00

it wasnt a breakdown anyway. Shes still on the fucking island and only spoke to OPs boyfriend, not her. Thats pretty shitty behaviour. I mean obviously a lot of you guys seem to be prepared to be walked over, but I just cant see many situations I would forgive this.
The closest I have had was being dumped by a friend at a festival who fucked off home and left me alone because it was her birthday and noone was making enough of an event of it. Never was the same with her again. I am so over giving people multiple chances

sanssherif · 14/09/2018 20:07

I think people with children completely underestimate how awful their children can be to people who aren't them.
Being with little kids is shit. Especially if they've been-sorry-brats on the plane, have given you a bug meaning you have paid out to be ill, and then been at you every minute since getting to the accommodation.
For someone not used to kids, and when that kid isn't family, it's really bloody hard.
That being said, she shouldn't have just dumped OP. But it sounds like she left rather than falling out, and that it was the DD, probably from being on the plane, who caused her to feel stressed.
I have kids and couldn't cope with someone else's for a holiday. It is one of the reasons why I don't want a new partner, as I don't want to have anything to do with anyone else's kids!
Just a different perspective. She's probably been pushed over the edge, especially with a nasty bug, and in a place with uncomfortable beds when she can't even sleep.

Nanny0gg · 14/09/2018 20:22

She adores DD and is great with her.

People seem to have missed this bit.

The 'friend' had a choice from the get-go. She knows the OP and her daughter well. So if she hates children as much as sanssherif does the sensible option would have been not to go.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/09/2018 20:30

I think people with children completely underestimate how awful their children can be to people who aren't them.

Off topic, but I found the opposite to be true. I always found other people's children cute and funny. I was completely unprepared for how irritating DS can be!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 20:39

A complete stranger’s kids could come as a nasty shock, certainly. But the friend knows op’s daughter well, and still thought the holiday was a good idea.
She was hardly press ganged into it.

tolerable · 14/09/2018 20:41

awwwwwwwwwwww! bawws. I dont mean to sound unsymapthetic but yell "oi oi savaloy" or similar...if they turn round they speak your language...and will-probli assist with taxi plan.Your on holiday-you owe it to yourself to love every minute of it,and babe needs to have a fab time too. big deep breath.It is what it is,fuck whit it wis. is it sunny?beach?pool?...own it-its overdue.send her a postcard,harbour no grudge and live for the (happiest,most positive )moment you can do this x

derxa · 14/09/2018 20:51

,

Rebecca36 · 14/09/2018 21:20

The op's friend may well really like the little one - but not 24/7.

However it's all done now, the friend has made a sort of apology, neither of you will make the same mistake and life goes on.

rachaelclaire1 · 14/09/2018 21:50

Concentrate on you and your daughter. Check out taxi company with local agent, or holiday rep. If you are not on a package holiday, find the nearest hotel and the rep there will give you advice. Above all, enjoy your holiday

crispysausagerolls · 14/09/2018 23:00

now, the friend has made a sort of apology

Have I missed something?! All I’ve seen is that the friend was a coward and messaged her DP - didn’t even message OP herself to apologise or explain.

neveradullmoment99 · 14/09/2018 23:36

Lost and found
I stand by what I said. She basically left her friend of 13 years on her own in a strange country with a 2 year old. Unforgivable. She basically lied to her friend saying she had gone home only for her to rock up in a different part of Spain. FFS. That's outrageous. No proper explanation. She is not your friend OP. And yes lost and found we don't know the back story. She could be a complete asshole.

MauraIsles · 15/09/2018 01:18

Why is everyone assuming 'the friend' left because of OPs DD, it's obvious (if people bother to read OPs updates) that this woman has spent a lot of time with OPs DD and has a good relationship with her. it's not like she wasn't aware she'd be going on holiday with a 2 year old - she knew that would be the case

LotsToThinkOf · 15/09/2018 01:39

Your friend is an aresehole, purely for the fact she's contacted your DH to 'explain' rather than you. Why has she done that? Why is his opinion of her more important than yours to have an explanation given? I don't buy the 'she won't want to hear from me' cop out.

Taking the car is the second reason, leaving you with a toddler and taking the easy transport. She should have discussed this with you at least.

For some reason she can't be with you right now, I'd be suspicious that she was feeling guilty about something and she can't spend time with you because of it.

passwordfailure · 15/09/2018 02:23

As she is flying back on her own could she take the car seat for you? You wouldn't have brought it if you had known you would be on your own. Also look on the Trip advisor forum for Majorca - you can ask any location specific questions on there. I completely understand that you would have booked something else entirely if you had known you would be alone with DD probably a hotel with a kids club and airport shuttle service. I think you are being very cheerful and resilient and handling this curveball well Cake

CanuckBC · 15/09/2018 06:00

I am a single parent to two. They are older now but when they were younger it was tough to go anywhere with them. All of the crap you have to bring. It was ridiculous! Yes, I would be absolutely stunned if a friend of 13 yrs who I had counted on and knew that pulled this stunt on a visit abroad that my mom had paid for. That the only reason she came was due to my moms generosity. Doesn’t matter that she’s fucked off and paid for it herself now.

She hasn’t even had the balls to text me herself that she is still in Spain!!! WTF.

Swipe left for the next trending thread