Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
OrchidInTheSun · 14/09/2018 17:37

FinallyHere- the friend could have said no. I doubt the OP was holding a gun to her head Hmm

Bluecloudyskies · 14/09/2018 17:46

I wonder if she had an accident in the car whilst out and is hiding some where else?

Very odd.

hdh747 · 14/09/2018 17:52

I love how all the psychics on mumsnet know exactly why the friend bailed. Awesome powers.
I'm with you OP, no idea, because mystic Meg I aint. Really hope she finds a way to tell you properly so that you can make an informed decision as to how to move forward with that relationship. It might be worth being honest that you value her friendship but are hurt by her behaviour and would love to understand. Perhaps making it clear you're not judging (as mental health issues, if they are involved, are still hugely stigmatised for many). When the dust settles and you are home. Only you can decide from her response if there's a relationship to salvage.
And as for you having a wee wobble. Well, flip my pancakes, you're not bloody Wonderwoman all the time. I love how the 'get a grip' brigade pat themselves on the head on here by pointing out every tiny human failing anyone has. Must be bloody marvellous to be perfect. I swear some people only come on to reassure themselves that none of us mere mortals actually measures up to their high standards.
And bravo to all the lovely helpful people who have supported the op and come forward with useful advice.

Lostandfound81 · 14/09/2018 17:53

I wouldnt give a fuck whether it was a mh crisis or a breakdown. I dont have time for people that treat me badly

Good luck to the poster who wrote this if the shit ever hire the fan for them. Here’s hoping your friends and loved ones don’t share your view.

Prettyvase · 14/09/2018 17:58

It's fairly obvious isn't it?

2 year olds are challenging at the best of times and if the friend wanted to enjoy herself and unwind, and relax then having a 2 year old around just wouldn't enable that!

Especially if she was exhausted. I would be the same.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 17:58

Why would she hide if she’d had an accident in the car, and pretend to op she’d left the island?

Lethaldrizzle · 14/09/2018 18:00

To be fair the mum should have gone on the holiday with her daughter and grand kid

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 18:00

Well presumably you’ll decline graciously if you’re ever invited, Prettyvase, instead of going along and then fecking off after a couple of hours?

HermaphroditePug · 14/09/2018 18:03

She’s no friend. I would never ever do that to a friend of mine no matter how ill I felt.

Lostandfound81 · 14/09/2018 18:04

Lethaldrizzle

To be fair the mum should have gone on the holiday with her daughter and grand kid

I don’t think anyone would describe you as “fair” on the basis of this post.

Tonteria · 14/09/2018 18:05

He can understand u Spanish, where about in Mallorca are u? Is pretty easy to get a taxi. He might be able to sort this for u. At airport is always the luggage trolley . Good lucky

Prettyvase · 14/09/2018 18:07

I would have gone with good intentions Iam, as some 2 year olds are endearing little things.

I definitely would make my excuses and leave if I found it all utterly unbearable.

Charolais · 14/09/2018 18:28

I knew she was still in the country somewhere and stated so here.

When she went out by herself she met someone she'd rather be with than a woman and her 2 yr old. She got a nice vacation paid for by OP's mother.

She's still being dishonest. Never trust her again.

Jeepy · 14/09/2018 18:34

Yes, stay calm, you can do it!

She's obviously had some kind of crisis / freak out or something and the fact that you weren't able to sort it out may well end your friendship, but when people are in that mood, it's all me, me, me, so she didn't fully think through the predicament she has left you in. Also make sure you get someone to collect you from the airport too coming through the terminal, not just at the collection point to make it easier. You could even post some stuff home too?Just think ahead about all the possible problems and think out a solution with our help, so you don't panic.

NotTheFordType · 14/09/2018 18:34

She got a nice vacation paid for by OP's mother.

But that's the part that doesn't make sense if she's a CF - she paid for her flight and if she's checked in somewhere else then she's paid for that. Now on top of that she's bought another flight back tomorrow.

Those are not the actions of a CF, they are the actions of someone who has had a major meltdown and simply couldn't cope.

Yes her lack of communication was very poor form but some people find it very hard to talk about their mental/emotional health.

OP I think you are right to give her a chance to explain (once you're all back) but definitely you should make clear that her behaviour hurt you.

browneyes77 · 14/09/2018 18:35

no matter how much of a shit time I was having I wouldn't leave my best friend in a foreign country on her own!

This ^

Jackietheduck · 14/09/2018 18:38

I’d like to hear the friend’s side of this story because as it stands she is a real shitty ‘friend’.

FinallyHere · 14/09/2018 18:39

She got a nice vacation paid for by OP's mother.

We have read that she paid her own flights, was very helpful on the flight out and was invited to stay foc. She didn't stay very long and would ideally have explained, but ... it certainly was never billed as a free holiday. We have not been told how many bedrooms were provided.

However endearing the two year old, and i suspect some posters are thinking of their own two year olds here, it might have been a lot more full on than expected and coupled with not feeling well, I can wuite see how it might have all been too much.

SuperSharpShooter · 14/09/2018 18:49

Hi Op...
I live just down the road with my two boys.
I'll be on Cala Marcal beach tomorrow (sat) if you want to meet for a coffee/beer, a little company and maybe I can watch the little one while you go for a little solo swim... or even a wee in peace!
Promise Im not a weirdo 😉
Portocolom is super friendly. There is an English restaurant The Citrus Tree close to Cala Marcal beach if you're craving a fry up.

Pm me if you like, no bother if not.
Don't worry about the taxi/airport/plan. Everyone LOVES kids here, you'll be well looked after.

YearOfYouRemember · 14/09/2018 18:55

Dh went away for four days leaving me at home with most of our kids. It really boosted my confidence when I managed really well so just imagine how great you'll feel when you not only manage in a foreign country but have a wonderful time too making lovely memories (sorry!) for your daughter!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 18:58

That’s lovely of you, Super. Op will probably end up having far more fun that a week with grumpy would have offered anyway Grin

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 14/09/2018 18:59

For all we know she had miscarriage and didn’t feel she could be around DD.

So,etching similar has happened to me. I had to leave a friend's hen weekend once because I was miscarrying after my first IVF attempt. I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant and none of the people there knew that I was even TTC let alone undergoing treatment, so didn't want to spring it on them during a happy occasion, so I pleaded exhaustion and I'll health and went home. I did explain later, much later. After the wedding in fact and my friend was supportive and actually felt guilty for not realising what was really happening x I'd used antibiotics as an excuse not to drink, so she was already suspicious. She's one of the few people I'm still friends with from that period.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 14/09/2018 18:59

Apologies for the really crap typing. Can't even use my phone as an excuse....just incompetence.

Branleuse · 14/09/2018 19:02

@LostandFound81 the shit has hit the fan for me many times and have had mental health breakdowns and yet ive never fucked over my friends.

whoaskedyou · 14/09/2018 19:10

Don't obsess about the friend, it's a mystery that may never be solved. Once the dust has settled you may have the opportunity to thrash it out with her but no doubt she feels guilty. Did she meet a man?Lesson learned about unexpectedly volatile, unreliable pals but don't throw away 13 years of friendship over something mean but out of character.

The taxi and luggage issue is easily solved. For now, concentrate on having a fab time with your DD. Majorca is lovely- enjoy!