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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:

nonplussedinouterspace · 14/09/2018 11:55

Oh that's a bit different.

I think she sounds mentally unwell rather than a prat. She is at least able to see she is behaving badly. I would give her time to get herself together and see if she can come back from this. She is probably feeling awful and may not have realised your situation was her responsibility IYSWIM.

notacooldad · 14/09/2018 11:57

7togo I'm not sure what the Op can do to make sure her friend is ok? The woman has driven away and Op is alone in another country with her 2 year old, if friend needs support the Op isn't now in any position to provide it

It certainly sounds out of character so I would be worried about my mate. What can she do? Text, messenger, phone through Facebook, face time to ask if she is ok?

OP I get you are being dissapointed but there's no problem with everything else.
My first thoughts have already been mentioned, use GoogleTranslate if you need to.
Use the internet to Google 'taxis near me' and book one and then get on with your holiday.
As for carrying all the stuff, you have a taxi taking you to the airport and use a trolley to take your stuff to the check in. Just give yourself plenty of time.
To be honest it would prefer it with just me and a child. Your friend would want to be doing different things as she is child free and some of those you can't do with a toddler.
Enjoy your first holiday and hopefully you will have plenty more!

notacooldad · 14/09/2018 12:02

I've just seen the update about your friend.
Just carry on enjoying the holiday with your child.
Relax and have fun

BunnyColvin · 14/09/2018 12:02

Nah she's a CF. You said your child was very upset on the way over and that it was good having your friend there? She probably had the opposite perspective. Also, she may or may not have picked up something indirectly from your child (part and parcel of small kids I think?). So basically, there's no way she's going back on the same flight as you!

It doesn't really matter what her motivation was, it doesn't sound like there's a future for the friendship really, does it?

safetyfreak · 14/09/2018 12:04

I wonder if she used OP for the free flights? considering she is still on holiday. Its shocking how someone you can trust can just turn on you

MiddleClassProblem · 14/09/2018 12:07

But she paid for her flights only a acccomodation is free

DarlingNikita · 14/09/2018 12:07

Things seem to be looking up, OP. I can totally imagine what a shock and how saddening it must be, though.

I'd agree with PPs that it sounds as though your friend has problems of her own, and I'd say that she doesn't really like sharing them with people (maybe out of shame/embarrassment), so while I'd be a bit pissed off in your situation I do think the friendship is salvageable with a lot of mutual communication.

You seem to have the taxi back sorted, and to be feeling more positive now, so I hope you and your DD can just enjoy the rest of your hols.

Piss off those of you doing competitive 'I hiked the Hindu Kush with a baby on my back and one eye' stuff. The OP was let down by a friend. She had a wobble. It happens.

PieAndPumpkins · 14/09/2018 12:11

That was really selfish and immature of your friend. I'd find it very hard to forgive and trust her again after this.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday anyway, make tons of memories!

IrmaFayLear · 14/09/2018 12:12

Yes, unfortunately the flight over where the friend was a great help was the death knell of the holiday. The friend was obviously planning her escape (when she disappeared for a few hours was obviously scoping out other accommodation) rather than spend a week with a toddler. She has let the OP down badly.

As lots of us have observed, of course the OP can woman up and cope, but the holiday was planned around having a car driver and OP had banked on another adult for company. And the "friend" wasn't even honest when she bailed.

Biologifemini · 14/09/2018 12:13

So she got flights paid for by your mum and arranged alternative accommodation.
Absolute cheek.
There isn’t anything wrong with her mental health, she just wanted a cheap holiday and needed to make up a semi decent excuse.
Enjoy your holiday and avoid her when you get back.
I expect her Facebook would be interesting.

ohshitonit · 14/09/2018 12:14

Glad she's going back today, i wouldn't let her get on the flight with me to be honest. I'd have to find some way of sabotaging it so she had to pay again.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/09/2018 12:17

Mum only paid for OP and Dd’s flights!

I don’t think she’s a CF because the only thing that was free was accommodation and she barely used it. For all we know she had miscarriage and didn’t feel she could be around DD. It could be that DD was just too much and with being poorly she just needed space.

Either way, what ever happened it’s a shame she didn’t talk to you. The way she has gone into herself suggest MH. But the only person who knows is her.

Pompadourpink · 14/09/2018 12:24

None of us know what happened - I think speculating and calling her a CF is a bit much. Hopefully she and the OP can sort it out between them at a later time. In the meantime OP I'm glad you are enjoying your holiday!

BunnyColvin · 14/09/2018 12:39

I think speculating and calling her a CF is a bit much.

You're probably right! (Guilty as charged )

I see in the OP that you weren't bothered by getting the hire car and that was her idea? She probably wanted to have the car to do her own thing now and again, which is reasonable, but then as things were unfolding, realised that it would be difficult to get away at all and just bailed. I dunno...

But I do know when I had no kids and my friends did, I would've chopped off all my limbs rather than go on hols involving kids.. I mean that's one of the upsides of being kid-free right?? But likewise, when I went on to have kids, I would've chopped off all my limbs rather than ask a kid-free mate to come on hols. I just wouldn't inflict my kids on anyone except people with kids!

I guess it's a lesson. But it's also great for you and your DD, OP. It's hard to holiday alone but you've broken the back of it and that'll make it easier for you to do it again!

Bluesmartiesarebest · 14/09/2018 12:44

Is anybody else hoping that the friend is seated next to a baby that screams for the entire flight and with a kid that keeps kicking the back of her seat?

Branleuse · 14/09/2018 16:21

id never speak to her again

BrightLightsAndSound · 14/09/2018 16:38

I wouldnt forgive your friend.

Who the fuck does that?

What is the world we live in today, where "having a bit of crisis/Mental Health" justifies you acting like a complete twat?

crispysausagerolls · 14/09/2018 16:44

brightlightsandsound

Completely agree with you!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2018 16:46

You really are too nice op. And probably too much of a pushover. I get it, you don't like to make waves.

You offered to stay at a place, which suited your friend more than you. So you put her needs / wants first even though it was your mums treat for you and your dd. Then you’re still happy to welcome her back with open arms even though she dumped you in a villa in the middle of nowhere without a second thought. She doesn’t care how you get to the airport or how you manage to lug the car seat. That’s the car seat, which you only took because she hired a car. Then buggered off in it.

Please take a big step back and ask yourself why you think you don’t deserve better.

FinallyHere · 14/09/2018 16:48

Please take a big step back and ask yourself why you think you don’t deserve better.

There was also the question about why you chose a child-free friend to join you, rather than someone else who also had a child and whose expectations of a holiday might be more closely aligned to your own.

powerwalk · 14/09/2018 16:54

I would never ever speak to her again.

Exhaustion? Since when has exhaustion ever been a MH help issue.

And she is STILL in Majorca and hasn't even got in contact to check you are okay?? I can't believe she would do that to you. Really just unforgivable.

The best thing you can do is enjoy yourself, the beach sounds lovely! It sounds as if you are beginning to really relax now - good for you, have a great time with your little dd

juneau · 14/09/2018 16:58

The way she's acting sounds like she's having some kind of mental breakdown. If this is completely out of character (and you've known her long enough to be able to judge that), then I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt. She's done a really shitty thing, leaving you on holiday with your DD when she came with you and you had every expectation that she would stay, but her irrational behaviour suggests that all is not well with her. Maybe she's just a selfish, unreasonable cow, but maybe not. Maybe she's having some kind of MH crisis. I think I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt until I knew more.

ittakes2 · 14/09/2018 17:34

I know you are freaked out but you really don't need to be - people go on holiday with 2 year olds all the time! If you are having trouble with the language - google translation websites - you punch in what you want to say and it translates it to the language the other person speaks. You can either let them read the translation or they can hear it. If you get a car to the airport you will use the carseat for this. Just get a trolley when you get to the airport so you don't need to carry everything. Some airlines let you take the carseat on the plane so children can sleep. Its a short plane ride - toddlers also go on 12 or 15 hour flights and both them and their parents survive. Change your mind set - be determined to enjoy your holiday and go for it.

craftylala · 14/09/2018 17:34

Just echoing and sending you best wishes. You will feel stronger every day and it will help you know that we can usually do more than we think possible. Enjoy your hol and my top tip is make sure you take photos of you both together and of the places you go, this will help your DD to remember your hol. I hope the sun shines and you can relax.

Branleuse · 14/09/2018 17:35

I wouldnt give a fuck whether it was a mh crisis or a breakdown. I dont have time for people that treat me badly

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