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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
CassandraCross · 13/09/2018 18:49

She went out on her own because the kid was pissing her off. That’s not rocket science.

The only way you could 100 % know that to be the reason Jujujuile is if you are the friend in question. Nowhere is there any indication in the op that that was why, do you normally just make stuff up for fun with the added bonus that it is likely to upset the target of your falsehoods?

There is no need for the OP to dump stuff, she got all the stuff there in her luggage she can get it all back, it is just managing extra items which another adult could have helped with. The only help she needs with her luggage is from apartment to taxi, taxi to trolley at the airport, where most of it will be checked in. No drama. I am sure the OP will be offered help at both those points but if not she will manage.

Mummyoftwo91 · 13/09/2018 19:01

Hi op hope your enjoying yourself, I recently flew home alone from menorca with 2 dc and a fractured foot and honestly it was fine so try not to worry 😊

Luvly12 · 13/09/2018 19:19

OP is your friend ok?

LoniceraJaponica · 13/09/2018 19:24

"I would be fuming if I was in the ops position, and don't understand why some people can't see that."

Neither can I. There are some hard hearted posters who are completely lacking in empathy on here Hmm

Kittykat93 · 13/09/2018 19:46

@LoniceraJaponica

I think in reality if they were put in the same situation they would feel the same as the op. It's very easy to sit and type a load of shit online and try to put someone down.

BlackberryandNettle · 13/09/2018 19:59

That does sound really out of the blue of your friend OP. I'd guess that perhaps

  1. she is genuinely having a bit of a crisis and really needs to be alone Or
  2. (I think more likely) she wasn't really up for a holiday with your toddler from the word go but was too lame/gutless to say so from the beginning, now the illness has tipped her over the edge into bailing

You will be ok though. Honestly booking a taxi will be easy, minor detail - ask the hotel/accomodation to sort it out.

Woman up a bit - seriously - you are after all a capable adult with only one child to look after. Go out and enjoy the holiday and feel proud of your independence. Eat out. Go swimming. Explore the town with your kid. Take lots of photos. Talk to some people. Put on your big girl pants and get out there!

HPLikecraft · 13/09/2018 20:25

Glad you're feeling better and have things in hand now, OP, and can hopefully enjoy the rest of your holiday.

I did want to say, though, that two years ago I booked airport transfers in Majorca for my DDs and it cost £12 each RETURN. And that was Alcudia, so long way from airport. Seems you're paying rather a lot for your transport. You may be able to do better.
Whatever, have fun.

hadenough · 13/09/2018 20:31

OP - First of all, have an amazing time in Spain. I often holiday alone, and it's a liberating experience, and the more you do it, the more you enjoy it.

I really understand though why your holiday is dented by this experience - we look forward to holidays which last just a couple of weeks for months, and build high expectations. So I really do understand why you''re hurt by your friend. I would be too.This is your time though, and your chance to have an amazing time with your DD and I'm sure you will.

Luckily, Spain is a great place to holiday. Don't worry about the language barrier, Spaniards, on the whole, will be happy to help, and if you speak to someone who doesn't quite understand, the chances are they'll find someone who can help.

It's also a great place to holiday on a budget. Amazing fresh food for far cheaper than the UK. If you're in the mood, visit Mercadona and buy some ingredients for paella, don't worry about doing it authentically, choose the meat and/or fish you want and have fun with it.

I also recommend using the wine you have to make some 'Tinto Verano' - ice, lemonade, and red wine - mix together and you have the perfect Spanish cocktail.

Your mum sounds amazing buying this holiday for you, and although it hasn't ended quite as you anticipated, it can still be a wonderful experience, and who knows, you might leave craving more. :-)

Gushpanka · 13/09/2018 20:40

You will have a great time! You're on holiday and now you and dd can do whatever you like.
Getting to the airport and the flight will be fine. Even without google translate, taxi and airport are prerty clear! Sweets, ipad, toys and the flight will be over before you know it.b

marvellousnightforamooncup · 14/09/2018 08:32

Well done OP. After your initial, perfectly justifiable wibble you're cracking on regardless. Your confidence should take a boost after this, you coped!

To put it in perspective, someone I know moaned about being left on her own in a Scottish air B&B with a mid teen DC and the family car while husband was called away to his mother's deathbed. Now that's a doozy of a complaint!

Abandonedabroad · 14/09/2018 11:15

Thank you! We’ve been to the beach this morning which was gorgeous and now on our way back at toddler pace for lunch. My friend texted my boyfriend apologising (she thought I might not want to hear from her) saying she was suffering from exhaustion and she’s sorry and sends her love. She’s still in Majorca somewhere, I’ve said she can come back and to call me, or I can transfer her flight if she really has to go. Everything feels a bit better overall. The only thing I’m sad about is I really wanted to go snorkelling! But it’s not the end of the world and we’re obviously very fortunate to be here at all!

Thanks again for all the support and advice, it’s really helped!

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 14/09/2018 11:19

Blimey OP you are a better woman than me - I'd be furious with her. Exhaustion my arse.

IrmaFayLear · 14/09/2018 11:24

I'd be raging . If she's gone off with the car and still has the same return flight, couldn't she pick OP, dd and all her stuff on her way back? Or would that be too "exhausting" ?

thenightsky · 14/09/2018 11:25

I bloody knew it! She'll be sat beside you on that flight home. Money on it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2018 11:27

Well, who didn’t see that coming? Hmm

Haffdonga · 14/09/2018 11:30

Exhaustion does sound a bit like a stress-related breakdown.

Be cautious about offering for her to come back. It could be more difficult for you to holiday with her than without (if she is struggling with her own stuff) as you'd end up looking after two instead of one.

thenightsky · 14/09/2018 11:31

She's put some effort into finding other accommodation at zero notice. Or was it zero notice? Where is she staying by the way?

BunnyColvin · 14/09/2018 11:34

saying she was suffering from exhaustion and she’s sorry and sends her love. She’s still in Majorca somewhere

Lol what a charmer! That was obviously always her intention. She just wasn't into the gig. 'Exhaustion' my backside Grin That's one friendship you'll want to review OP

Ignoramusgiganticus · 14/09/2018 11:34

I think she's realised she has to make the peace somehow as she's obviously got to sit next to you on the plane home.
I wouldn't be quite so quick to forgive. Maybe after you've spoken to her personally and heard what she's got to say. But be wary.

nonplussedinouterspace · 14/09/2018 11:43

I've lost sympathy for the friend now i know she's not having such a brain storm that she had to actually go home. To be somewhere on the island having a pleasant time without even offering a lift to the airport is very poor.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 14/09/2018 11:44

I'm still inclined to believe the friend it just doesn't make sense to run off like that for no reason (unless she has firm for being flakey and selfish).

Well done OP sounds like you're embracing it! I would have felt just the same in your situation(as would some of the meancommentors I'm sure!)

WipsGlitter · 14/09/2018 11:51

She's still there??? That's crazy.

LoniceraJaponica · 14/09/2018 11:52

The "friend" could at least take the OP and her child back to the airport.

Abandonedabroad · 14/09/2018 11:52

She’s booked another flight to go back today she said

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 14/09/2018 11:52

Ah, cross posted