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Original poster

To be upset friend has ‘abandoned’ us on holiday

540 replies

Abandonedabroad · 12/09/2018 22:20

My mum has kindly paid for me and my two year old DD to go on holiday to Majorca for my birthday present. I’m a lone parent on a low income and haven’t had a holiday abroad for years nor am I likely to be able to afford one for several more so it’s a huge treat and I have been looking forward to it for many months. My mum has paid for the accommodation for me, DD and a friend and flights for me and DD so friend only had to pay for her flight. I invited one of my best friends to come along. I’ve known her for 13 years, trust her completely, have been on holiday with her before and have never had so much as a cross word let alone an argument with her. She adores DD and is great with her.

Friend wanted to hire a car which I wasn’t bothered about, but she was keen and I offered to go halves but she said she was happy to pay for it as she was getting the holiday free. On that basis I decided to bring DD’s (big, heavy) car seat as it seemed tricky to book one for the hire car and after getting advice on here seemed a better idea overall.

We flew out two days ago. DD had never been on a plane before and was tearful and clingy so it was a huge help to have friend there and would have been a nightmare without her.

We’ve all three of us been suffering with a cold/chesty cough thing since being here but not incapacitated and everyone has been up and about and functioning ok.

Today friend went out for a few hours and on her return announced that she was feeling too unwell, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and she was going home. I was just in shock and tried asking why but friend just kept repeating she felt ill and was leaving. I got quite panicky and angry and we argued but she’s gone. She took the car seat out of the hire car, brought it up to the apartment and left in the hire car.

I’m just in shock. There’s eight days left of the holiday, I’ve got more luggage than I can carry and I’m on my own with a two year old.

No other friends can come out at short notice.

My boyfriend can’t leave to come here as he’s housesitting. He called my friend to try to figure things out and she said she felt terrible but she had to be by herself and had been dealing with stress building up for a while. I feel bad that she isn’t feeling good but I’m hurt and angry that she’s left me in this situation. I haven’t heard from her since she left this afternoon.

What the fuck do I do? I’ll have to get a taxi to the airport when the time comes but not sure how to book one, it’s a small town and my Spanish is not great.

I would come home early but a) my mum has paid for this and would be really upset so I’m going to have to brave it out and say I had a brilliant time so as not to hurt her feelings and b) leaving early doesn’t actually solve any of the problems of carrying all the stuff and dealing with DD on my own on the plane (she has already informed me several times that she does not like the plane and isn’t going on it 😐) so I might as well stay till the end.

I’m just so bewildered and shocked and perhaps I am being selfish if friend is having some kind of crisis but I just don’t feel like speaking to her again after this

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 13/09/2018 12:38

a free holiday

Friend has paid for her flights and a hire car. They only bit she is getting for "free" is a room in an airbnb. We're now out of peak season, so costs have come down. Unless it's the most amazing airbnb ever, I'm not sure I'd call getting it for free, but being required to help look after a small child constantly to be that much of a perk.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/09/2018 12:39

That’s true enough, but she knew all that from the off.

Directorofmishaps · 13/09/2018 12:39

In fairness to the OP I'm a single Mother used to doing everything on my own and honestly if my friend had just upped and left with hardly a word and left me on my own with a toddler in a foreign country I think I would have had a wtf wobble too. Especially if I had packed extra not worrying about getting it home because we had a car.

Directorofmishaps · 13/09/2018 12:43

'Surely your luggage and your 2 year old were always your responsibility'

If course but if I was flying on my own and having to get a taxi I would pack lighter than if I was using a hire care at the other end and literally only had to manage the airport bit with it.

CassandraCross · 13/09/2018 12:43

Glad you're feeling more positive this morning, OP, and I hope you are having a siesta right now - that is one of the best Spanish traditionsGrin.

Gently try and prepare your daughter for the return flight over the rest of the holiday, allay her fears and as someone else mentioned make her believe she is your special helper. If she is still nervous and a bit fractious at the airport mention it to the staff both on the ground and as you board, I've always found them to be very considerate and helpful in those circumstances.

A toddler paced holiday sounds lovely, the children friendly Spanish will welcome her everywhere at any time so just relax and go with the flow.

Directorofmishaps · 13/09/2018 12:46

'for a single parent to be flapping about luggage and taxis sounds odd'

If I was in the UK or in an English speaking staff hotel it wouldn't phase me.
If I was in an Air BNB couldn't speak Spanish and didn't know how to book a taxi it would!

RhiWrites · 13/09/2018 12:46

@Abandonedabroad

Small practical suggestion. I was recently in Spain and used Google translate to construct phrases. It will even play the sound fit you. If you need to say something in Spanish this will help.

I’m glad you’re getting on with it. Your friend must have felt very unwell to have just abandoned you like that.

ravenmum · 13/09/2018 12:51

Don't know if anyone has suggested it, but it might be worth seeing if you could post the car seat back home along with any other things you won't need, so that you won't have so much to carry.

Gravelface · 13/09/2018 12:52

That sounds a bit shit OP, fair play to you for picking yourself back up and having a nice time. Try not to worry too much about getting back, people are nice and you can do it!

ravenmum · 13/09/2018 12:55

Oh, and have a look on facebook to see if there is an expat group for that region. People are usually more than willing to help out with language issues or local knowledge; I've given people a hand ike that myself.

Logits · 13/09/2018 12:56

some horrible responses on this thread. I assume these are people not dissimilar to the "friend"

Personally I think the people who would cut a friend off without finding out what's going on with her first are horrible.

Seaweed42 · 13/09/2018 12:58

The friend knew what the situation was. Her friend has a 2yr old and they would be spending a lot of time together. It didn't need explaining. I think it's pretty poor form of the friend to bail out completely.
She must have had to pay for an extra flight home? So she could have found herself somewhere else to stay if the accommodation with the 2yr old was not to her liking.
The fact that a 2yr old was the third person was a pretty big indicator of the sort of holiday it was going to be!
The friend had the internet to look up the area they were going to.
My guess is, that the friend is a drink of water who never states what she really thinks. She 'goes along' with things and then resents and blames others later. She never wanted to go on this holiday but did it so she'd get approval from others. Then the reality was too much for her.

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 13/09/2018 12:59

Sounds like a lovely morning op. As someone else said, you'll look back at this in a few years and be proud that you managed so well. In fact it may make you feel more confident about taking your DD to other places alone (with your prior knowledge this time)! Road trip, anyone?

flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 13:01

but logits the friend has cut OP off hasn't she

Jujujuile · 13/09/2018 13:02

This reply has been deleted

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flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 13:04

wow are many children "brats" at 2? Hmm

CassandraCross · 13/09/2018 13:06

ravenmum that's a good idea, I think I also saw a post on here from someone who lives/is in Majorca now offering help to the OP, would be worth the OP checking the thread back. The majority of people do like to help others and are not offended when asked.

PuppyMonkey · 13/09/2018 13:06

Juju are you a twat by any chance? Hmm

(I would be in a flap too, OP, but glad you've calmed down).

Rudgie47 · 13/09/2018 13:07

All two years olds are very loud, scream and are into everything.Its basic common sense to know this.

ravenmum · 13/09/2018 13:09

A drink of water Smile

Jujujuile · 13/09/2018 13:11

True Rudgie47 but it doesn’t mean that people have to like them.

I reckon that’s why the friend has buggered off. Maybe she did love her, until she had her company 24/7.

If the mum had parented her a little bit better, this might not have happened.

flamingofridays · 13/09/2018 13:13

well then don't agree to go on holiday with one? not rocket science.

are you always so rude jujujuile Hmm

Sparklyfee · 13/09/2018 13:17

Glad you are managing to enjoy your holiday today. Have you heard from her at all? Sounds like a bizarre thing to do Confused

Why did she go out for a few hours on her own? Maybe something happened to upset her just before that and you didn't realise? Sounds strange to just up and leave when she'd have to organise flights etc

Nikephorus · 13/09/2018 13:19

If the mum had parented her a little bit better, this might not have happened.
That's true - if OP's friend's mum had done a better job she might not have thought it acceptable to just bugger off like that.

Missillusioned · 13/09/2018 13:22

I'm a single parent who takes 3 DC abroad on my own and I don't blame the OP for her original panic.

I organise my holidays so I don't have to drive and all amenities are easily walkable. I don't do day trips or exploring while abroad, as the thought of negotiating a foreign place I don't know with 3 kids in tow makes me anxious. We stay in a hotel near a town usually with meals included. And stay close to the hotel.

The thought of being stuck on my own with kids on a holiday originally planned with another adult in mind would scare me. And mine are older than toddlers.

I plan everything in advance, because as a single parent it doesn't take much for everything to come tumbling down. It is the lack of control that is probably upsetting the OP and she needs time to get her head around the change in circumstances.