to think driving is fucking terrifying and isn't for everyone?

[OkMaybeNot]

I'm in the middle of sorting more lessons, after having a year-long break and I'm dreading it.

I had about 20 hours in total and I really didn't feel confident by the end of them. Then I got recurring bouts vertigo and was told I couldn't drive with my symptoms (turning my head would make me almost blind with dizziness), and instead of feeling bummed that I'd have to stop until it went away I felt pure relief!

I get jittery and panicked in the drivers' seat. I'm listening to instructions but my brain just doesn't compute and I make mistakes. All the time. Every lesson. The thought of getting back in a drivers' seat makes me feel anxious and panicky.

My friend passed hers last week and I feel like such a bloody failure.

Maybe driving isn't for everyone. Maybe I'm one of those people who just can't do it.

Do people feel like this and get there in the end?

No and yes

I felt like this. Hated all my lessons and scraped through my driving test. Then I went off to uni and after that lived somewhere where I could either walk or get the train to work so never needed to drive. Recently I had to move and had to get a car to get to work, I was absolutely terrified as I hadn't driven since the day of my driving test, 7.5 years before. I went to test drive a car and couldn't remember which pedal was which

I am still awful at parking, and I really think that that is just something I am never going to be a pro at but the driving itself I am now absolutely fine with, and even enjoy at times, despite being awful at the start. Maybe try some lessons at quieter times - if that's hard to schedule with an instructor is there anyone else who could take you out? It might give you a chance to get the hang of the basic driving part, before having to worry about lots of other drivers? I do think its definitely a useful skill to have but if its making you miserable, is it something that you actually need to do now?

I felt exactly like you when I was learning. I had lessons for nearly a year and still felt like it wasn't for me and I just couldn't do it. My instructor kept insisting that I could and it was just nerves, and put me in for a test. I then caught glandular fever and was SO relieved because I could cancel my test.

Four years later I tried again with a different instructor and it was a totally different experience. I felt so much more relaxed and confident. I think it was the combination of an extremely calm and patient instructor, and me being a bit older, wiser and more ready. I was in a different mindset altogether and I sailed through it.

I do think there are some people who really don't have the necessary concentration/observational skills and don't belong behind the wheel. But from what you've said I don't think you're one of them. I think you have a bit of a mental block caused by anxiety, just like I did.

I felt like this. I hated every single one my lessons - which went on and on and on.

I hated them so much I passed my test and didn't get back in a car for almost 10 years. By then I'd forgotten how to drive and had to do it again (this time, with a manual and free range of an empty RAF base - don't ask!). I used to be so scared about just driving a few miles on my own.

Fast forward another ten years and I bloody love driving! I spent 18 months abroad and couldn't drive there - it was the thing I missed the most.

It is good fun, gives me time to think and a sense of independence and I have seen much more of the country (and Europe because little old me doesn't mind driving there either).

Persevere. Eventually much of it becomes muscle memory and you stop having to concentrate of every single thing (e.g. changing gear is done without much effort) and just focus on the road and other drivers instead.

I certainly felt like that when I was learning. When I passed my test my first thought was 'thank god - now I never have to drive again'.

For the first two years or so of actual driving (after a very long break) I also felt the same. But, gradually, gradually it got easier. It's still not something I positively enjoy, but it no longer scares me and I am so thankful I do drive. I wouldn't be able to live the life I have without it.

I had driving lessons as a teen with a really macho shouty instructor who made me cry each time; unsurprisingly I gave up. That’s when my fear of driving began. I avoided it for about 15 years and then decided to grasp the nettle, mainly because my parents aren’t getting any younger and they live in a rural area with nonexistent public transport so I could see a time when I might need to be able to drive in a hurry.
I had a female instructor this time and at the start I told her about my bad previous experience and how much driving scared me. She gets a lot of clients like that! Bizarrely I passed first time. Then I got a very demanding new job shortly afterward and haven’t driven since, it’s been years and I’m back to being scared again.

I am looking at buying a little runabout just to force myself to get over it and start driving tbh.

Anyway OP this is meant to encourage you - I think it can be done, and while you may never actually come to enjoy it, I do think that with the right instructor and support you can get there

Have you tried changing to automatic as I was in a similar position and once I moved to automatic I started to love driving and gained lots of confidence and passed quickly!

I feel everyone's pain on this thread! I'd much rather get a bus!

Also btw I passed in a manual but am intending to get an automatic if I buy a car, because the more I can concentrate on the road and other drivers, the better. Do what you need to do to break through the mental barrier OP and if that means passing in an automatic then do it.

I'm the same.

There is something called 'Motorists Vestibular Disorientation Syndrome' which is very real. I worked somewhere years ago where this was investigated and treated and it was suggested I avail myself of it as I worked there.

I didn't, I was late forties to early fifties and felt it was too late for me.
Wouldn't drive a car again if you paid me a million (well I might for that, in an empty car park).

I'm also a terrified passenger, better if I sit in the back.

Don't let it worry you, I'm sure there are plenty of other things you can do and many people have never drive and managed perfectly well.

You know, it's ok not to drive. I tried and the combination of dyspraxia, anxiety, and no peripheral vision in my left eye means I am not safe on the roads and so I don't drive.

If you feel that you would be unsafe to drive, it's ok not to.

I meant 'driven'.

I passed my test and drove for several years, became terrified in early thirties, not driven since.

It was as if the car was pulling to the left all the time, sometimes losing power/speed and things ahead seemed a lot nearer than they were. I still experience that as a passenger.

jnnp.bmj.com/content/jnnp/48/8/729.full.pdf

I really do need to, our life is so limited without a car and I'm so sick of being fleeced for taxis

I wish we lived in a place like London where you can get everywhere on a bus or train, alas we're semi-rural in Kent where you're lucky if the bus turns up.

My instructor wasn't shouty, but I could tell when he was pissed off with the mistakes I was making, he'd sigh and roll his eyes, which would make me even more upset and panicky.

DH (doesn't drive, it makes sense for it to be me that does it first because I'll need the car more) thinks it will be better this time because last year I was doing my lessons in between nursing my mum, who was dying. I am not so sure, I was anxious about it before that...

I may look into finding a female instructor, I don't know, it might help.

I remember feeling weird mix of excitement and fear when i was learning 19 years ago.
Fear went with more practice and no, i dont find it terrifying, it’s great.
Persevere, it’s worth it.

You know what I'm not a natural driver. Took me 114 odd hours of lessons before passing my test and now 11 months after of forcing myself to just do it it's finally getting easier. I just did a fast road by myself last week for the first time being too chicken before. Sat navs have really helped me keep calm and as you'll be learning with a sat nav as it's changed you might find the new way of learning a lot better.

I'm getting an automatic, I detest changing gear with a passion.

I really struggled learning to drive and passed 3rd time, didn’t come naturally and due to dyspraxia I also learned in an automatic but now I really enjoy having my car and being able to get about. It’s worth trying different options and instructors I had 2 instructors took a lot of expensive hours to pass in the end but it’s well worth it if you can get over your fear. I hope you can mist be hard if you want to learn

I found it very difficult and nerve wracking but I persevered and got my test. I am not a very confident driver but so glad that I can drive. Persevere - it will be worth it.

Absolutely hate it, the prospect used to terrify me. I have had two cars to try and 'get used to it' as people will advise.

I used to have sleepless nights when I knew I had to drive the next day, and was always in a blind panic when behind the wheel.

I think if i had kept going I would have killed myself or someone else.

My partner gets frustrated with me, but there is no way I'm driving now, especially with a DC.

Some people just are not made for driving, but society seems to see this as a weakness, when it actually takes a lot of strength to admit you aren't a driver anf never will be.

Honestly, if you're that anxious and panicky then I'm quite glad you're not on the road. Anxious and dithery drivers cause accidents as they are unpredictable, brake suddenly and do weird things.

Get a handle on your anxiety and THEN try driving again, rather than getting back on the road and hoping it'll get better.

I don't find it terrifying, never have. Most people don't. And no, not everyone can drive or wants to drive for whatever reason.

Definitely find a better instructor, one without the attitude. Try to find one that can make driving fun, or take an off road course if you can. Do some driving on Sunday when its quiet.

How old are you OP? I think as you get older it does seem to get harder.
I grew up in the middle of nowhere and learnt to drive at 17 because basically I had no choice.
I'm in my thirties now and have a few friends my age who are just learning now and they're all finding it hard.

Yes OP! I’ve felt as you do for many years, despite pressure to learn to drive I just couldn’t cope with it at all.

Since we moved it’s a nightmare (my kids can’t cope with public transport at all - they’re autistic and it’s part of it for them). So I’ve forced myself to start learning again. At first I was the same as you, jittery and panicky and kept having to pull over (in a safe place) to calm myself. I felt like that for weeks.

Upshot being, I booked my practical test today. I don’t get jittery any more, and can even cope with “big” things, like sirens, or being cut up, or being tailgated (I did ask one taxi driver if he’d buy me a drink before he tried to get up my arse next time).

So aye, I’ve felt like that and I’ve got to the stage of booking a test.

I don’t enjoy driving, I don’t think I ever will really, but I’m looking forward to the freedom it will give me and my kids

I love driving! I'd rather drive than any other form of transport - my own little space with radio or a few CDs. Love it! However if you hate I reckon don't do it!

How about you make a list of pros and cons and weigh it up?

Took me 3 tests to pass.
Been driving since 1994 but I dont enjoy it.
I love the mechanics of it, but dislike the behaviour of other drivers, congestion etc.
I'm currently biking to work (it's quicker and parking too pricey)yet it's costing me iro £60 month for my car to sit on the drive.....that's without the cost of fuel...plus it's owned outright.

So to the original poster who feels fleeced by taxis, calculate how much a car would actually cost.

I think the best way to find the right instructor is to be really clear with them at the start OP. When I first booked mine (the 2nd one!) I emailed and said ‘I am scared of driving, I really find this very difficult and I need an instructor who is extremely patient and gentle, if that’s not your teaching style then please let’s not waste each other’s time!’