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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think driving is fucking terrifying and isn't for everyone?

79 replies

OkMaybeNot · 12/09/2018 17:03

I'm in the middle of sorting more lessons, after having a year-long break and I'm dreading it.

I had about 20 hours in total and I really didn't feel confident by the end of them. Then I got recurring bouts vertigo and was told I couldn't drive with my symptoms (turning my head would make me almost blind with dizziness), and instead of feeling bummed that I'd have to stop until it went away I felt pure relief!

I get jittery and panicked in the drivers' seat. I'm listening to instructions but my brain just doesn't compute and I make mistakes. All the time. Every lesson. The thought of getting back in a drivers' seat makes me feel anxious and panicky.

My friend passed hers last week and I feel like such a bloody failure.

Maybe driving isn't for everyone. Maybe I'm one of those people who just can't do it.

Do people feel like this and get there in the end?

OP posts:
Iamablanket · 12/09/2018 21:24

Yep, some people are not meant to drive and I'm one of them. I actually passed my test reasonably easily but I loathe driving and I'm unsafe on the roads for a couple of reasons so haven't attempted it in years.

It does annoy me the way some people look at it as a character flaw, it's really not, it's like everything else in life some can do it better than others and some will never master it

DecafLatte · 12/09/2018 21:26

I hate driving and it really doesn’t come naturally to me.
I passed my test in my early 30’s and really wished I’d done it years ago instead as I’m so nervous.
I have zero spatial awareness and despite many extra lessons and constantly watching driving videos online I’m still crap.
I had an accident too last year, that was my fault. That was the icing on the cake. After trying to hard to overcome the issues I had I ended up crashing!

I’d recommend not bothering if it stresses you so much !

AllDayBreakfast · 12/09/2018 21:31

I failed my first test badly and now drive a 44 ton truck for a living. It will become less scary as you do it more. This I promise you.

RayRayBidet · 12/09/2018 21:43

You learn to pass your test. Then you learn to drive.
This is what my dad told me and it's so true. I had a lot of lessons and passed 2nd time because I was a bundle of nerves 1st time.
Over the 12 months after I passed I gained so much confidence.
Now I live in Germany and drive on the autobahn with no speed limits. I drove from here to Italy.
You need to get a handle on your nerves.
Good luck

mummytoc · 12/09/2018 21:45

I’ve been learning since February in an automatic and changed instructers twice. Passed theory no problems. Lessons did get better but still felt anxious. Booked test anyway and totally messed It up. Remembered the examiner shouting at me 😬 now I’m petrified of doing the test. Driving in my husbands car with him next to me, fine. But I haven’t rebooked my test or had a lesson in 4 weeks as the test was honestly one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through. And I’ve had a lot of crap in my life! Just can’t put myself through the test again.i know I’m my head it’s such a worthwhile thing to do. But in my heart if I attempt it again I’ll be going to the test centre kicking and screaming Sad

lola212121 · 12/09/2018 21:49

@mummytoc what made the test so awful ?

MyNameIsArthur · 12/09/2018 21:52

Driving didn't come naturally to me. When I was 17, I looked forward to taking driving lessons and just assumed I would have a few lessons, pass my test, get a car. However, I found lessons difficult and struggled and hated them and gradually dreaded them. I stopped but started again at 34. Again I struggled and took many lessons and finally passed on my second test. A friend gave me an old car but I didn't enjoy driving it. I stuck to just two routes. Had a lot of problems with the car and scrapped it after a year. I then avoided driving for 15 years. Driving became a fear, a phobia for me. My DP and I moved to Cornwall 3 years ago and i promised i would start driving again as it is a necessity here in the countryside. It's only been in the past couple of months I plucked up the courage to drive and also booked some more driving lessons. I'm doing okay apart from today when DP shouted at me for some mistakes I made. I have seen on a couple of earlier posts about driving a condition called dyspraxia was mentioned. I googled it and seemed to tick alot of boxes which would explain my difficulty with driving.

Amanduh · 12/09/2018 21:53

Agree with pp’s, get a different instructor (although not necessarily female, hated my female one, but one who you feel comfortable with) and try automatic - a lot lot less to think about!

MaryDollNesbitt · 12/09/2018 22:03

I stopped and started with lessons for a couple of years when I first got my provisional at 17. Convinced myself it wasn't for me. I finally passed my test 3 months before I turned 30. I picked things up really quickly and easily with an 'older' head on me. Passed first time with only 2 minors. Best thing I ever did. The freedom and options it gives you are immense. That being said, if it isn't for you, OP, it isn't for you. And that's perfectly okay. I know quite a few people who passed their tests years ago and have never driven a car since due to nerves.

Youaremysunshine4eva · 12/09/2018 22:33

I passed my test 3rd time over 13 years ago and didn't drive for quite a while after. I absolutely hate it now and the thought of driving again fills me with dread. I'm really annoyed with myself that I spent all that money on lessons and never bothered again

mummytoc · 12/09/2018 23:17

@Lola212121

The test was just a shambles. The examiner barked my name at the centre, kept rolling her eyes and tutting when I took a deep breath getting in the car, and seemed in a bad mood. I failed because I veered onto the wrong lane on a very busy roundabout and made someone slow down so maybe the shouting was justified. But cue a lot of eye rolls, tutting and shaking of the head for the rest of the test. It was clear she’d been doing the job for a long time as she was rolling all the instructions off in a very bored monotonous voice. The only bit that lifted my spirits was that she got chased by a wasp as she exited the car!!

Ohyesiam · 12/09/2018 23:24

Be really picky about your instructor, they need to be really chilled. Try a few to find the one you like.
Driving gets easier the more experience you get, and less anxiety provoking. I enjoy it now. I still can’t park though.

Haworthia · 12/09/2018 23:26

I found driving terrifying. Somehow managed to get through lessons and tests with beta blockers and passed on my third attempt. Then didn’t sit in the driving seat of a car for ten years.

Having my second child made me realise I had to start driving again. Didn’t want to. But changing to an automatic took all of the fear out of driving. I didn’t panic every time I approached a roundabout, because I knew I couldn’t stall.

I’d really recommend automatics if that’s an option for you.

Sarahandduck18 · 12/09/2018 23:27

20 hours is nothing!

Do 100 and if you still feel that way come back.

AsleepAllDay · 12/09/2018 23:29

Me too! I have had multiple packages of lessons but have never taken my test as it feels too scary. And living in London didn't help, it feels unnecessary!

CarrieBlu · 12/09/2018 23:31

I love driving but my DH was just like you. He would worry himself silly the night before lessons, to the point of getting cluster migraines. In the end I suggested swopping to lessons in an automatic to see if it helped and it did, he found it much easier and a more relaxed way to drive. I now drive an automatic too, as we bought one as the family car for us both to use and it’s actually brilliant, I much prefer it to driving a manual. Might be worth a try.

FluffyMcCloud · 12/09/2018 23:37

Oh gosh I’m trying to learn to
Drive and I hate hate hate it. I can’t do it! I can’t do roundabouts (when do I go? So many cars!) and turning right into a main road makes my life flash before my eyes. I feel sweaty and terrified the entire time I’m behind the wheel of a car. I literally threw up after my last lesson. I can’t desctibe how much I hate it.

Benandhollysmum · 12/09/2018 23:39

I’m the same, I get scared at roundabouts and lorries passing and that’s me in the passenger seat too, I’m just a rubbish drive and nondriver
I’ve held a provisional for nearly 10 years racked up hours and still nerves, but it’s on and off not continuous. I know I could drive in my heart but my heads not having it
You on other hand have had only 20 lessons, take a time out for a few months go back to it

LassWiADelicateAir · 12/09/2018 23:43

I hate driving. I passed 2nd time in my early 30s. I hate driving anywhere I haven't been before. I've never had an accident but I'm late 50s now and my confidence is worse.

Basically now I only drive in the city I live in. There are journeys I made in the past which I could not face doing now.

Thatstheendofmytether · 12/09/2018 23:46

It is when you start but after a while it. Ecomes second nature and you just don't think about it anymore.

recklessruby · 12/09/2018 23:50

If you can get past the nerves you will be ok. I have always loved driving but failed my first test due to awful nerves and a nasty (female) examiner.
Took a few months to get back to it and passed second time. Few drops of rescue remedy before the test helped. I wasn't nervous as I hadn't built it up in my head or told anyone. I just treated it as another lesson.
Honestly the feeling you get when you pass is awesome.
I love my car Ebony (always name them) and she is my baby 😀

Thatstheendofmytether · 13/09/2018 00:07

What used to help me was looming at some people I know to be complete idiots and thinking if they can pass a driving test so can I and I did, provisional and driving test first time. Provisional twice as I let it run out the first time I did lessons and had to sit it again.

Thatstheendofmytether · 13/09/2018 00:07
  • looking, not looming
Beargoesgrr · 13/09/2018 00:26

I feel like everyone has a time for them. To learn.

At 17 I was petrified. Literally so petrified I became so nervous I was a danger. I stopped learning.

At 22 I started trying to learn again, I wasn’t quite ready, so I stopped learning.

At 23 I had a few lessons, had a bad instructor, and said to myself I’ll never pass my test.

At 25 I said stuff it, I’m fed up of paying for taxis everywhere. So fed up of it i started lessons with an instructor who got people through quickly, it was definitely my time to drive. 11 lessons later I sat my test and passed first time.

I celebrated 2 years of having a licence today

Nothing shits you up as much as the first time you drive in a car on your own after passing your test!

Your time will come,,

RosiesYellowDress · 13/09/2018 00:36

Your not a failure

Remember you are paying for a service that is to teach you, if your instructor is getting pissy with you then it’s them failing not you.

Book a lesson with a new instructor if it doesn’t feel right then try different one.

I made mistake booking 10 hrs, it was painful I quit after 4sessions, I zoned out because instructor bored the fuck out of me about irrelevant shit.

Next one 1.5hrs, I felt I had life sucked out of me & Knew everything about them down to what they had for brf 100yrs ago

Next one rolled up 15mins late, no apology end lesson 10mins early. No wonder they ask for upfront payment

Next one fabulous just a shame became unreliable

Don’t worry about how many lessons it takes or how quick others done it, just so long as u feel u making progress and get that confident for when u take test

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