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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think driving is fucking terrifying and isn't for everyone?

79 replies

OkMaybeNot · 12/09/2018 17:03

I'm in the middle of sorting more lessons, after having a year-long break and I'm dreading it.

I had about 20 hours in total and I really didn't feel confident by the end of them. Then I got recurring bouts vertigo and was told I couldn't drive with my symptoms (turning my head would make me almost blind with dizziness), and instead of feeling bummed that I'd have to stop until it went away I felt pure relief!

I get jittery and panicked in the drivers' seat. I'm listening to instructions but my brain just doesn't compute and I make mistakes. All the time. Every lesson. The thought of getting back in a drivers' seat makes me feel anxious and panicky.

My friend passed hers last week and I feel like such a bloody failure.

Maybe driving isn't for everyone. Maybe I'm one of those people who just can't do it.

Do people feel like this and get there in the end?

OP posts:
Booksandpens · 12/09/2018 17:51

I had over 20 lessons with an instructor, no where ready to take the test, then moved, so had to change instructor. First 10 lessons were just as bad as before, but something recently clicked and hoping to book my test soon. I'd try a new instructor, maybe ask around for one who good for anxious drivers. My first instructor was starting to get a bit fed up with me I think, but the second one seems to have all the patience in the world, so there's no pressure.

It's expensive but as I was so nervous it was never going to be a quick learning curve!

AnarchyKitty · 12/09/2018 17:55

I've just had my first lesson after years of being shouted at for not being able to drive. I've never wanted to learn. I hated it.

Nothisispatrick · 12/09/2018 17:57

I was terrified of driving and hated learning. We then moved out of London and I now drive to work everyday, the gym, the shops, etc. It’s is absolutley worth persevering. It will get better.

thecatneuterer · 12/09/2018 17:59

Agree with people upthread that automatics are the way to go. Why complicate things?

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 12/09/2018 18:03

For a lot of people, and it sounds like you’re one of them given you live rurally, driving is key life skill. I agree that you need to find a new instructor; one that inspires confidence and allows you learn at your pace. Definitely consider automatic only too, it’s one less thing to worry about when you’re concentrating on driving and there’s really no need to know how to drive a manual- the only downside is that you get less choice if buying a car second hand and it costs a bit more when you rent a car on holiday. Lots of luck!

SinisterBumFacedCat · 12/09/2018 18:04

When I first started driving lessons I had the same instructor as my mum, she found it very nerve wracking and took years to pass. After 2 lessons my instructor branded me nervous and spent 15 minutes at the end of the lesson shouting at me about biting points. I decided it probably wasn't for me, then 6 months later tried again with a different instructor, this time I requested a calmer instructor and the whole experience was completely different, he was happy to learn at my pace and never raised his voice. Frankly, no wonder my mum was a terrified driver. Driving Instructors should be patient, the point is to teach, not tut. Roads in general would benefit from patient drivers.

GruciusMalfoy · 12/09/2018 18:04

I was bloody terrified before I started lessons, I put it off for years. The first few lessons I did wonder if I'd ever get there. After I passed I really truly enjoyed driving. The nerves are something that can be beaten. Not to rub it in, but to encourage you, it has to be the best thing I've done for myself in recent years. If you can conquer your nerves you'll be very proud of yourself when you pass.

GruciusMalfoy · 12/09/2018 18:06

The right instructor makes all the difference. Mine was extremely patient, and easy to get along with. I never once felt she was fed up or frustrated with my mistakes.

Gronky · 12/09/2018 18:13

It wasn't anywhere near that bad for me but I did find driving lessons to be very tiring and always needed a good sleep afterwards. When I took my motorcycle DAS it was a lot easier because I already had a reasonable amount of experience on the road so I could focus more on bike-specific things. Someone at work who really struggled (two seriously bad failures on their test) passed by being a named driver on their parents insurance for 6 months and acting as their chauffeur to gain a wealth of experience.

I took my driving test a long time ago but it does seem so much harder these days (I'm assuming the motorcycle Module 2, which I did more recently, is fairly similar to the current driving test, albeit with different maneuvers).

If you find it's not getting better at all, you could talk to your GP about anxiety medication or other counseling based treatments since it genuinely seems to be causing interference with your ability to live your life.

SerenDippitty · 12/09/2018 18:17

I was never scared of driving but it did take me a long time to really get the hang of it, and several failed test attempts. I went through several instructors before finding one whose teaching style was right for me. Do persevere, it’s worth it.

TyrionsNextWife · 12/09/2018 18:18

I agree with everyone who’s said that the instructor makes a huge difference. My first instructor was impatient and would grab at the wheel or slam the clutch down - it did nothing for my nerves and I really struggled. A few years later I had another crack at it with a new instructor and I learned more in the first 3 lessons with him then I had in 20 hours with the previous instructor.

I also found that everything was hard work to remember and I’d get flustered when I had to do a few things at once, but after a few hours with my new instructor something clicked and it all became second nature.

Have a couple of trips lessons with some new instructors and once you’ve found one that suits your learning style, it’ll get much easier.

JustDanceAddict · 12/09/2018 18:20

I hate driving, only do it cos I have to & I’ve been driving for 20 years!!

hannah1992 · 12/09/2018 18:21

I was the opposite in my lessons. I loved them, it was something new and exciting! I passed and got a car and loved driving for probably 2 years. Now I hate it. I've had a few near misses where other drivers have been careless and once with a lorry who tried to come into my lane and nearly took me off the road. I also have a 2 year old dd who has always hated the car and after being innit for about 10 mins screams to get out no matter what you do. Throw into the mix of a 7 year old dd who goes on and on. Dd2 won't shut up, are we there yet, when can we get out, mum tell her to stop screaming!!

Oh god it stresses me out just typing it

SleepingBooty · 12/09/2018 18:23

Driving didn't come naturally to me at all. I struggled to afford lessons so learned on and off for 4 years. I passed 3rd time and only really enjoyed it as I was able to go out on my own. I have an automatic now and love driving, I'm glad I persevered. If I hadn't passed my test I'd have been limited in my commute and wouldn't have had the jobs I've had.

MyNameIsArthur · 12/09/2018 18:36

Following for the moment!

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 12/09/2018 18:38

I'm someone who too drives out of necessity rather than love of it. There are just so many speeding idiots and people just not paying attention to other road users that it is terrifying at times.

blueshoes · 12/09/2018 18:44

Itis absolutely the right thing to stay off the road if you are not in control of the vehicle. It is a killing machine in the wrong hands.

dayswithaY · 12/09/2018 18:54

I drive everyday, I'm permanently terrified and always on edge. I can never relax and I'm awful at parking. I'm so jealous of my friends who will jump in their car and hit the motorway or drive through London without a care. I joined the M25 by mistake once and I was literally sweating with fear. However, I realise without the skill of driving I would not be able to do my job or take my children any where but when I'm an old lady I will give it up and get the bus. I cannot wait.

JennyHolzersGhost · 12/09/2018 20:43

In a way it’s really reassuring to see how many other people also don’t find driving comes easily. I thought it was just me !

TheDairyQueen · 12/09/2018 20:49

Definitely change your instructor and get friends/family to let you practice - a lot.

If that still doesn't work then go for an automatic. My Focus is an auto and glides through gear changes, couldn't dream of going back to clutches and gears ever again!

SerenDippitty · 12/09/2018 20:51

I would also recommend an automatic. Takes all the drudgery out of driving.

Littletabbyocelot · 12/09/2018 20:54

Echo pp saying its about finding the right instructor. I'm nearly 40 and have always found driving too terrifying. I had one test in my early twenties, failed impressively, then moved to a city centre so I'd never need to drive. Now I suddenly really need to drive. I've found an instructor who specialises in nervous drivers. I've had 12 hours. He's so good. I've reached the point where I am no longer shaking and can actually see myself driving.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 12/09/2018 21:00

My first 20 hours were spent crying every time I got into 3rd gear with the sheer panic of OMFG IT'S MOVING! Terrified to make a mistake in case he told me off. I changed instructor and it did my confidence the world of good. I now get regularly chastised for speeding on the motor way and the most common phrase I hear is "mind the average speed cameras!"

She's turned me into a speed demon. I switch the cruise control on now because every time I stop watching the speedo, my foot goes down. I was terrified at the prospect of doing 30 only months ago. Try changing instructor.

LivininaBox · 12/09/2018 21:06

I hate driving and struggled to learn. For years after passing my test I had no car and I became less and less confident. Eventually I ended up having to do the same straightforward drive once or twice a week. I used to leave really early so that I could find an easy parking space, but gradually I left later and later and started trying to get into more difficult parking spaces to avoid being late.

I am now very confident with parking and simple journeys, but terrified of unusual journeys and dual carriageways. I would never go on the motorway. The only thing that would help me now would be if I was forced to drive on more difficult roads every week, which is unlikely to happen. I also drive an automatic. I am holding out for driverless vehicles and hoping they come in before my DC want to go to university!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 12/09/2018 21:08

It took me 40 lessons to pass my test, and years after that to become halfway decent. 26 years later I'm pretty good and it's second nature.
Like many new skills it takes a very long time to become really proficient. I'm sure Jimi Hendrix didn't knock out Purple Haze the first time he picked up a guitar. But (depending on where you live), when you get there it gives you so much freedom.
Depending on where you live,