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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family mingling

93 replies

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 14:59

DP birthday 30th
Going out for meal lovely restaurant-
We chose together - all his family invited, though haven’t met them all was excited to finally meet everyone at one time to celebrate such an occasion, and didn’t think any of it, my partner knows Mum and step brother well, and never occurred to me they’re we’re not invited until speaking to a non local friend - how it be nice to intermingle both sides of family on your partners birthday!

My mum and brother were not invited so I was kinda fuming how I hadn’t realise or how DP though this was unacceptable or to think to say invite them, from the members I’ve met they’re chatty friendly, but still don’t get why they hadn’t been invited - so got in a heated debate with DP and said why have we not extended the invitation - my mum does a lot for us I live with her, my mum even offered to come back early from holiday to celebrate and DP no it’s ok, the reason DP hadn’t invited was due to I hadn’t done much personal with his family, but we all busy and DP driver so works lot of hours unsociable and everything gets on top we not done much, but AIBU to think that’s a shit excuse to not invite them??
The invitation has now been extended due to me kicking off.

And others felt same it was out of order they were not invited from day one - and why should DP ask or tell his family they coming it’s DP birthday. He won’t show affection around them - at mine he cuddly and relaxed. He totally different person.

OP posts:

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 12/09/2018 15:09

Your mother wasn't invited to your boyfriends birthday do with his family and you went mental? And your stepbrother you were fuming about?

I find your attitude really odd and wonder what "kicking off" you did to make your boyfriend invite random people to his family event

honeysucklejasmine · 12/09/2018 15:14

Well you sound nice.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 15:14

The invitation has now been extended due to me kicking off

I wouldn’t accept an invitation that was the result of someone “kicking off” on my behalf, I’d be mortified.

Why did you think it was acceptable to kick off?

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:16

I didn’t kick off
I just mentioned why she wasn’t invited as he known her for 10/11months.

OP posts:

JellyBears · 12/09/2018 15:17

Why would your parents be invited to your bfs bday meal. Also they or he can invite whomever he wants surely?

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:18

I was annoyed, they don’t know about any of it, until I mentioned it! They were ok but felt bit miffed due to thinking they got on well!

OP posts:

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 15:19

You wrote “kicking off” OP, which is why I asked. Frankly, why you think who he invites to his own birthday meal is anything to do with you is beyond me. However it happened, you’ve made his birthday about you and that’s spectacularly selfish.

NerrSnerr · 12/09/2018 15:19

Why would your mum and step brother be invited to your boyfriend's birthday meal? Have you only been together 10/11 months?

JellyBears · 12/09/2018 15:19

I don’t get grown women “kicking off” i hate that grow up gees.

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:19

Exactly so why didn’t he invite them? My mum offered to come back early from holiday! We were going to do an event of our own then thought it be too much

OP posts:

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:20

DP got invited to my step brother and mother events! In my world you return the favour.

OP posts:

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:21

Obvious I AIBU

OP posts:

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 15:22

Exactly so why didn’t he invite them?

Because it’s his birthday and he didn’t want to?

My mum offered to come back early from holiday!

Why?

DP got invited to my step brother and mother events! In my world you return the favour.

Sounds a mercenary world to live in to me.

MsHomeSlice · 12/09/2018 15:24

so you now have an invite but your mother is on holiday??

and you said kicking off, no one is putting words in your mouth

FYI "kicking off" does not equal "just mentioning"!

bershetmelon · 12/09/2018 15:24

I really don't get the issue

it's your boyfriends birthday so surely it's up to him who he invites.
your own DM is on holiday anyway (regardless of if she said she would return early).

Any 'kicking off' should be done by your DP for you trying to take over his birthday. So in answer yes you ABU

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/09/2018 15:24

If he wants to have a meal with his family on his birthday then who on Earth are you to tell him otherwise?! He wants you to be able to focus on getting to know his family by the sound of it, as he knows yours well.

You have been unreasonable.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 12/09/2018 15:26

I didn’t kick off I just mentioned why she wasn’t invited as he known her for 10/11months

You said you were kinda fuming and brought it up, and then you kicked off and made him invite them.
Don't expect to be his girlfriend for long.

Hillarious · 12/09/2018 15:27

My mum, dad and brother didn't come to my (then) DP's 30th, my DH's 40th or 50th. But then again, neither did his mum or dad

Whatsthisbear · 12/09/2018 15:31

It's his birthday, he can invite who he wants. Just because you live with your mum why does that mean he has to invite her and your step brother?
YABU and you are ruining the birthday celebrations for him imho -sorry.

SilverHairedCat · 12/09/2018 15:32

They clearly weren't invited because it was a meal for HIS family, not yours.

Add in the fact your mum was away on holiday, why would they be invited? It's not like you're getting married!

You're hard work OP. This isn't your birthday to be making these demands.

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:33

Ok I’m BU
But it just seems when he around my my family he totally different person than round them so I won’t have normal boring DP. It just be public face al night, not an enjoyable night!

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 12/09/2018 15:35

It’s your boyfriends party, he can invite who he wants. YABU.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 15:36

not an enjoyable night!

Not for him, no. You’ve made sure of that!

Loveandlaughter88 · 12/09/2018 15:37

They've barely known him a year and its surely up to him who he wants at his birthday. He's clearly said why - he wants you to get to know his family, maybe he thinks it would be better for you to mingle with them without your family to fall back on.
If you think he's boring without your mum there, then don't go. And don't be his girlfriend. Definitely BU and very fucking selfish!

SassitudeandSparkle · 12/09/2018 15:38

DP got invited to my step brother and mother events! In my world you return the favour.

Yes, DP but not his family. Why does your family have to go to his events but it doesn't work the other way around?

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