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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family mingling

93 replies

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 14:59

DP birthday 30th
Going out for meal lovely restaurant-
We chose together - all his family invited, though haven’t met them all was excited to finally meet everyone at one time to celebrate such an occasion, and didn’t think any of it, my partner knows Mum and step brother well, and never occurred to me they’re we’re not invited until speaking to a non local friend - how it be nice to intermingle both sides of family on your partners birthday!

My mum and brother were not invited so I was kinda fuming how I hadn’t realise or how DP though this was unacceptable or to think to say invite them, from the members I’ve met they’re chatty friendly, but still don’t get why they hadn’t been invited - so got in a heated debate with DP and said why have we not extended the invitation - my mum does a lot for us I live with her, my mum even offered to come back early from holiday to celebrate and DP no it’s ok, the reason DP hadn’t invited was due to I hadn’t done much personal with his family, but we all busy and DP driver so works lot of hours unsociable and everything gets on top we not done much, but AIBU to think that’s a shit excuse to not invite them??
The invitation has now been extended due to me kicking off.

And others felt same it was out of order they were not invited from day one - and why should DP ask or tell his family they coming it’s DP birthday. He won’t show affection around them - at mine he cuddly and relaxed. He totally different person.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 12/09/2018 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/09/2018 15:40

YABU he barely knows them. You’ve been together no time at all. You shouldn’t force invites out of people

HouseworkIsASin10 · 12/09/2018 15:41

It sounds to me he wants a family party and you were invited as his partner.

You are being a cheeky mare asking for your mum and stepbrother to get an invite aswell. It will change the dynamic as they won't know anybody else apart from your DP. There is no shared history.

Christ, I'd be disinviting you if I was your DP.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 12/09/2018 15:41

DP got invited to my step brother and mother events! In my world you return the favour

He went as your plus one. You are his plus one for his birthday. your world is messed up and misses the whole point of invites.

Scatteredthoughtss · 12/09/2018 15:42

YABVVU. Why on earth should he invited your mum and your STEP brother? He's supposed to invite somebody who's not even related to you, to HIS birthday? You're crackers.

ArialAnna · 12/09/2018 15:42

Er, it wouldn't even occur to me to invite my MIL and FIL to my birthday meal even though we get on fine, and DH and I been together over 10 years now.

It's fine just to have an event with your own immediate family sometimes. You don't have to invite everyone to everything.

CloudCaptain · 12/09/2018 15:43

I can't understand what you are wittering on about. Sounds like you should dump your bf and let him find a gf that doesn't "kick off" over ridiculous things. Should he also invite your entire extended family too?

PolkerrisBeach · 12/09/2018 15:43

OP you are very odd - why on earth would you invite your mum to your partner's birthday meal? It's for his family, and his friends.

It's my inlaws 40th wedding anniversary this weekend - should I be "kicking off" because they haven't invited my parents and my sister??

paintinmyhairAgain · 12/09/2018 15:43

selfish or what ? yes op - i'm looking at you, give the guy a break it's his birthday meal not yours. if you carried on like this with me tit for tat i'd kick you to the kerb p.d.q

Needsmorebeans · 12/09/2018 15:44

But it just seems when he around my my family he totally different person than round them so I won’t have normal boring DP.

but it's HIS birthday OP and HIS family that he probably wanted to.have a nice social time with and now his familiy will possibly feel quite awkward with your family who are strangers to them. YABVU

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:45

I meant he acts like a totally different person around his family.

OP posts:
CrochetBelle · 12/09/2018 15:46

Given your behaviour, I'd say you're bloody lucky he's invited you.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 15:47

CrochetBelle yes!

handslikecowstits · 12/09/2018 15:47

The person whose birthday it is invites who they want. That's how it works so yes, YABU.

I also find it a little odd that your mum said she'd come home early from holiday for it.

wombat1a · 12/09/2018 15:47

Poor bloke, all he wants is to have a meal with his GF and his family and now he has to include his GFs mum and his GFs step-brother. I think YABVVU.

As to returning the favour in that he attends when you are invited to something, well yes because he's your BF, what would be weird is is if you invited his mother and sister too.

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/09/2018 15:48

You haven’t met all his family so how do you know how he acts. He may just be a discreet person not everyone likes pdas

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2018 15:49

He went as your plus one. You are his plus one for his birthday.
^^ this

You’ve really shot your self in the foot there. You were coming to be part of his family. Not merge your family and his after 11 months ffs.

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:52

I know AIVVU ok
But at mine he very PDA too much and I have to have words!

But to me it’s double standards as he would do anything like he does at mine in front of his family! I feel inadequate in front of his family. That I’m not good enough with his family.

OP posts:
Loveandlaughter88 · 12/09/2018 15:52

if you don't like how he acts around his family then just don't go instead of kicking off for invites for people who will make it better for you and you alone. That's just ridiculously selfish. Why are you making his birthday and his party all about you? Why are you with him if you think he's so boring? Poor bloke!

powerwalk · 12/09/2018 15:52

It is up to him op. If you had been together for 5plus years or married with dc it may have been a little unreasonable, you have only been together for under a year so absolutely no I would not expect family invitations for both sides.

It sounds like you are wanting to be far more involved, and more serious than he does.

He just wants to have a nice time.

CarolDanvers · 12/09/2018 15:54

I have family members that "kick off" over petty shite like this. It's exhausting and I avoid spending time with them.

lifechangesforever · 12/09/2018 15:55

I'm most impressed that PP's have been able to understand who has and hasn't been invited at all.. because I cannot make sense of your post whatsoever!

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 15:57

@powerwalk
I agree he wanted full throttle all the way through when I was happy to doodle along, now I’ve gone full throttle thinking it what he wanted for him to start now doodling!!

We just totally gone out of sync

OP posts:
Havaina · 12/09/2018 16:00

So he expects to attend your mum and stepbrother's events but doesn't want to invite them to his birthday?

Yeah it doesn't work that way. He needs to reciprocate hospitality.

Is he selfish in other ways, OP?

PositiveVibez · 12/09/2018 16:01

Just don't go OP fgs.

Started off with you being pissed off that he didn't invite your mum to his family do and turned into him being all over you to the point you have had to have words and you thinking his family make you feel inadequate. Crazy.

Also think it's a bit crazy that your mum was prepared to cut her holiday short to come back for your boyfriend's birthday Confused

Doesn't sound like you are a good match really.