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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family mingling

93 replies

Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 14:59

DP birthday 30th
Going out for meal lovely restaurant-
We chose together - all his family invited, though haven’t met them all was excited to finally meet everyone at one time to celebrate such an occasion, and didn’t think any of it, my partner knows Mum and step brother well, and never occurred to me they’re we’re not invited until speaking to a non local friend - how it be nice to intermingle both sides of family on your partners birthday!

My mum and brother were not invited so I was kinda fuming how I hadn’t realise or how DP though this was unacceptable or to think to say invite them, from the members I’ve met they’re chatty friendly, but still don’t get why they hadn’t been invited - so got in a heated debate with DP and said why have we not extended the invitation - my mum does a lot for us I live with her, my mum even offered to come back early from holiday to celebrate and DP no it’s ok, the reason DP hadn’t invited was due to I hadn’t done much personal with his family, but we all busy and DP driver so works lot of hours unsociable and everything gets on top we not done much, but AIBU to think that’s a shit excuse to not invite them??
The invitation has now been extended due to me kicking off.

And others felt same it was out of order they were not invited from day one - and why should DP ask or tell his family they coming it’s DP birthday. He won’t show affection around them - at mine he cuddly and relaxed. He totally different person.

OP posts:
stoneriverpuddle · 12/09/2018 16:03

Complete over reaction from YOU! He wanted a family meal for his birthday and your mum and step brother aren't family yet. You've only been together a short time. I hope you don't ruin the meal.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2018 16:19

How old are you both?

Rebecca36 · 12/09/2018 16:24

I understand how you feel. He knows and gets on well with your mother and brother so I don't know why he didn't invite them straight off. However it's sorted now.

I presume if you have a similar celebration in the future, you'll invite his family.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 12/09/2018 16:26

You sound extremely young

Bluelady · 12/09/2018 16:29

Hats off to all of you who understand this, I can't make head nor tail of it.

Ellen7262 · 12/09/2018 16:30

Somebody your DP isn't related to isn't invited to a meal with his family? Hardly surprising!

Hogtini · 12/09/2018 16:32

Why are people giving the OP such a hard time? Yes, she may have overeacted and not put her point across well and serious miscommunication going on. But, DP and I moved in together after 1 month and his family and my family both helped so all met each other very quickly. We've had lots of meals, days outs, drinks round ours for the whole family so with that set up yes I would want my mum and step-brother invited. The OP says her mum does a lot for them or offered to come back off her hol so it obviously shows she feels close to him? Why should a birthday meal be so exclusive? I bet he'd happily accept a gift off the mum!

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 16:34

Why should a birthday meal be so exclusive?

The person who’s birthday it is deciding who to invite doesn’t make it exclusive, it makes it a birthday.

I bet he'd happily accept a gift off the mum!

And? You don’t give to receive, or you shouldn’t anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2018 16:36

Congratulations on ruining his 30th birthday, because you most certainly have. You also seem to be very insecure and controlling. Why he couldn't just have his family at his celebration is beyond me. You haven't been together long, at all, you're not living together, not engaged and not married. If you're trying to run him off then keep it up.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 12/09/2018 17:01

I'm also a bit Confused at your posts... From what I can gather though you sound like hard work & very much like you're in danger of ruining his birthday with your diva strops...

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 17:02

My DP been invited to all family meals and events

OP posts:
Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 17:07

I doing a small surprise party week later at my house and they’re all invited! With close friends!

OP posts:
slashlover · 12/09/2018 17:07

My DP been invited to all family meals and events

Was your DPs family invited? He was invited you your family events is the same as you being invited yo his family events.

cheesefield · 12/09/2018 17:07

But this isn't a "family event". It's his birthday. To which he can invite whoever he likes.

We go out with my family and we go out with DP family, but we don't invite my In laws to my parents events and vice versa.

cheesefield · 12/09/2018 17:08

To be honest I think you're being a bit selfish. Be careful you don't push him away.

Ellen7262 · 12/09/2018 17:11

OP, your OH is your plus one. That's why he goes to your family events. You are your OH's plus one. That's why you go to his family events. Your DM and DSB are not his plus ones!

Original poster
Greysmanicfan41 · 12/09/2018 17:11

If I had contacts of the family then I would have! I invited his mum and step dad out.

OP posts:
mrs2468 · 12/09/2018 17:13

I could understand almost if you lived together or were married but he hasnt even known them a year. Perhaps if they had been invited you would have spent time with them including them and making sure they were ok rather than spending time with his family and getting to know them. You sound very hard work.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/09/2018 17:17

You are very difficult to understand and it does seem like this might be a massive overreaction. It isn’t normal at all for in-laws to be invited to a family dinner. Your DP has been invited to your family stuff as your partner and vice versa. You have made his birthday massively awkward with all this “kicking off” etc.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 12/09/2018 17:19

My DP been invited to all family meals and events

Yes, as your boyfriend thats normal. Has his mother been invited to your family events?

Feefeetrixabelle · 12/09/2018 17:21

Your a bit intense OP you need to chill out

Notonthestairs · 12/09/2018 17:21

what a drama llama you are. Tell your boyfriend you look forward to celebrating his 30th however he chooses to do so and then leave it there. You don't pick venue, food or guests - its all up to him.
It is that easy.

gylly · 12/09/2018 17:28

I feel sorry for your boyfriend!

MiddleClassProblem · 12/09/2018 17:28

I really can’t understand that he needs to invite them because he went to theirs.

I mean does that mean if someone has a big birthday bash and invites everyone they can think of they are due invites back to each of their birthday celebrations?

I’ve been to a few of FIL’s birthdays but he’s never come to mine... tbf I haven’t invited DH or DD either the last few years 😂💁🏽‍♀️

Ellen7262 · 12/09/2018 17:43

You're so difficult OP! You have been together around a year it sounds like, it's not as if you have been married for 20 years! You need to relax and stop ruining your poor OH's birthday. If he doesn't want your mother there, he doesn't want her there! I know that if the guy I'm seeing wanted his mother invited to my birthday celebrations I would be a bit alarmed! Let it go, you're obviously being unreasonable

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