Aibu to ghost a friend over this!

[Crackedvase]

I became friends with a woman through mutual friends. She is witty, smart and I generally have fun with her, and good conversation when we get together.

However, things are not entirely easy and it seems I'm the problem.

She has asked me repeatedly not to swear in front of her, like at all. I'm no sailor but Im passionate and floral in my conversation! I do try to tone it down, out of respect but it has been brought to my attention that even words like crap, bloody, omg, and damn are included

The other issue is booze. I drink very little (mum of 3, can't cope with hangovers) but when we meet its always in the pub (we meet after kids bedtimes) and on the few occasions where I don't order a coffee or coke etc, perhaps getting a wine or g&t, she has again, pointed out that this upsets her as she is teetotal.

My big girl knickers are on ladies.

Have I no respect? Too much? I'm at an age where I don't want to guard my tongue all the time, and cannot see how a drink offends.

A meet up is coming up. Dreading it, and am considering just letting it float away......

Im teetotal. Dont mention unless asked. Would never inflict my views on someone else

She sounds a bit precious if you having alcohol upsets her😑

I don't drink but would never say not to drink to someone else & I swear a lot, the mental effort not to would unhinge me.

I'm teetotal and I've never felt the need to be judgy over my friends having a drink.

She sounds like a right fucknugget.... (I fucking LOVE swearing).

I don't thinks she's friend material.... she sounds like no fun at all.

I was coming on to say yabu to ghosr but she sounds like a right fun sponge, definitely give her a wide berth

Jesus fucking Christ, I'd struggle to hang out with her.

What is allowed? Knitting and a camomile tea whilst talking about gardening? I'd be on edge.

If she were a friend she wouldn't been so judgmental and accept you're an adult and perfectly entitled to do what you want. I wouldn't ghost her, but I'd certainly be less available so that the "friendship" petered out.

If she's on a diet are you allowed to eat?!

She doesn’t sound very Christian. Judgmental and non accepting

I would say don't meet up because she doesn't like you. She thinks that she would like the person she wants to change you into, but you are who you are.

Even supposing you give into the mild language and drinking commands, I wouldn't be surprised if she then had an issue about your neckline being too low or wearing too much lipstick or some other thing that she finds 'wrong' about you.

Just don't meet up. If necessary say "it's not a good idea, I'm feeling very sweary/fancy a drink at the moment".

See, this is my exact issue with lots of Mn posts about ‘friends’, which are about people the OP knows, but whose behaviour does not indicate any kind of friendship. This person isn’t a friend, surely, she’s an acquaintance made through mutual friends who for some reason continues to want to see you while policing your behaviour? I’d just stop agreeing to go out with her on the grounds that she doesn’t seem to like you much.

Imagine you said to her you don’t like the fact she doesn’t drink alcohol or swear?

If you’re dreading meeting up then she’s no friend and no loss to you. Don’t ghost her. If you can tell her how it makes you feel being dictated to like that and she values your friendship then she’ll understand but I wouldn’t hold my breath. I think it’s time to gently put the brakes on this and slowly stop meeting her until it fizzles out if you can’t bear confrontation!

How dare she. Not very Christian of her to be so judgemental. Actually that’s possibly the best thing to say to her.

Don't ghost. Ghosting is awful.

Be less available. Make it longer between meet ups. Meet in a coffee shop not a pub if you like. I'd carry on speaking as I wished with the toned down language, and if she objected I'd tell her this is the way I speak when I'm relaxed in my free time with friends, I've already toned it downn for you and that I have no intention of changing it any further as to do so would make me feel uptight and that's not how I wasn't to be when I'm in my free time seeing my friends. Then it's possible she will distance or even ghost you if she's really such a delicate little flower.

Or send her a link to this, she'll never bother you again.

What mrsmozart says with bells on bloody, omg and damn arent swear words by any means

What ivy said, c'mon. Just text her that the friendship isn't working, you're incompatible and you need to move on and find others with whom you have more in common.

What’s ghosting mean?

Don't ghost.
But there is nothing wrong with saying 'as I am an adult I shall swear and drink as and when I want to. This is my choice. Your choice is, If you do not like it, I apologise but you don't have to meet with me. Accept me as I am, don't try to change me.'
Then order yourself a double vodka and coke

If you like her most of the time, then I think it's worth saying to her - "you know what, I've toned down my language for you and I'll avoid using the big swears around you, but you need to meet me halfway here - you policing my language makes me uncomfortable and I think you could let some of it go, in the spirit of compromise. Also, I don't drink to excess and it's not on for you to police what I drink - you need to accept the things you're not that keen on about me, that don't harm you in any way, if we're to remain friends - we're not always going to be on the same page about things, but I enjoy your company and I hope you enjoy mine - it upsets me that you're constantly trying to change things about me. I hope you're prepared to look past our differences in order to enjoy our friendship."

Ghostings a dick move, I accept that- cheers ladies.
I'll have to just gather my nuts and be honest. I like just being me, its really not that bad! Leave the ball in her court?

Is it just the 2 of you meeting up soon? If so I think I would probably cancel.... It's not much fun by the sounds of it. If it's a group meet up - well how does this work surely all the others don't just have coffee / soft drinks all evening and surely everyone can't watch every single thing they say ?? If a group meet up is more bearable I'd perhaps stick to them - and not sit near her, if it's not then I probably wouldn't bother. It's not much fun and if you don't get out much then you want to save your free time for some fun nights and rightly so !!

Don't ghost.

When she starts moaning at you, lean back, let a silence fall, then look her in the eye and say 'keep judging me and I won't want to spend any more time with you. I don't enjoy this.'

She either accepts you as you are or the friendship is dead.

In this instance, I would absolutely ghost if by ghost you mean you become unavailable. She has been openly critical of you and asks you to modify your actions. It shouldn’t be hard for her to figure out why you’re declining her invites. But if she does act confused, by all means spell it out... you consistently try to modify my behaviour and parent me. That’s not a healthy friendship dynamic between two adults.

Oh and I disagree you owe her an explanation or a confrontation, given she’s behaved like a shite friend to you.

She thinks she is so much better than you.

What a patronising idiot.