To spell my husbands name correctly.

[Burlea]

In the last 5/6 years when my DB and SIL send DH a Birthday card or us a Christmas/Anniversary card, they have spelt his name wrong ( his ends in 2 Ns,they only put 1).
I have told them a number of times and their reply his that one of their friends spells theirs with only one N. We don't live close so only see about once a year but and it's a big but they have know DH for over 40 years.
DH has now sent a birthday card to SIL (1/9/2018) with his name highlighted with bright yellow marker pen yet it is our wedding anniversary today and the card has come with his name spelt wrong. DH hasn't seen this card yet. I think I'll bin it as I don't want anything spoiling our day.
DB is my older brother and I don't want to fall out with him. But I feel as though they are disrespectful to DH.

I know others will say it is petty but actually I think it is pretty thoughtless to continually spell someone's name wring when you have known them over 40 years. That is especially true when your sister is married to them.

He reminded them through the card 10 days ago and I would imagine that they had ways of double checking if they were not sure (social media, texting you and asking relatives). I'm not sure what the soloution is but I completely agree why it would frustrate you especially as it seems they have only been doing it since they acquired the friend who spells it the other way.

Glenn?

I wouldn’t sweat it tbh. I have an unusual surname, my aunt spelt it wrong every year when she sent cards to us for Xmas and birthdays - closing in on 45 years for my mum I think. My nan consistently spells my name wrong. My first name.

I’d assume my SIL was thick as anything and my brother was lazy if it continued.

(Not disagreeing in any way how annoying and disrespectful it is btw!)

Just start spelling their names incorrectly

Sounds very petty.

Surely it’s rhe thought that counts!?

If someone sent a card with their name highlighted like that I would be tempted to spell it wrong on the return card on purpose tbh! (I can be petty too!)

My aunt and uncle sent every single birthday and christmas card with my name spelt wrong. Even my baby bracelet has the wrong spelling.They insisted the name on my birth certificate was spelt wrong and they were right. My name is a place name and spelt the same way as the region/town so wtf they were on about I don't know. Just leave them to it, it becomes a running joke and they look petty. Don't match their pettiness but spelling names wrong or highlighting names.

Just say that you have decided to save the planet and stop sending (them) cards as a small step.

Does it matter? You know who the card is for after all. Don't sweat the small stuff.

My aunt misspells my name wrong on everything and always has done. My name is very easy to spell and the way she spells it isn't even a name, she just adds random extra letters in.

She doesn't mean to though and I appreciate the fact that she sends me cards and buys me stuff, and she is a lovely woman so it doesn't really matter to me that she spells it wrong.

I’m cringing at the highlighter thing, that’s really petty and quite embarrassing. Unless there’s a massive drip feed to follow and presuming the relationship is otherwise good then I’m sure they don’t mean it maliciously. It’s insane that you have to throw a card away because a spelling mistake will ruin your anniversary.

My stepdad spelled my name incorrectly for the entire 15 years he was married to my mum, and any time I’ve had a card from him since. It’s annoying but not the end of the world!

My Mum’s brothers & sisters do this to her & it really upsets her. My mum is the eldest and there’s a huge gap between her and the others, so they didn’t really grow up together, but honestly, how hard is it to spell your own sisters name correctly? It’s not difficult either (sort of like Katy/Katie).

I have cousins/cousins partners with names I have to check I’ve spelt right because of ‘double l’ or single ‘l’ type thing, but I check before I send it.

Personally, I don’t care how people spell my name, it’s a normal name, with only one actual (regular, not made up spelling), but people still often get it wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dad spells my name wrong and it's only 3 letters!

Honestly I think actually going as far as highlighting a card and even contemplating binning a card means you are thinking way too much into this, you need to learn to just laugh at it and appreciate the fact they though to send you an anniversary card nobody remembers other people's anniversaries

I think it obviously bothers you both and yes, after 40 years I would expect somebody to be able to spell a name correctly. Have you told your brother how disrespectful and upsetting you find it?

People always spell my name incorrectly and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I can't believe that you think this might spoil your husband's day. I think it's nice and thoughtful that they even bothered to send a card

YANBU to be annoyed - it would really frustrate me and I would be very direct in telling her to bloody spell it correctly. However, YABU to let it 'spoil your day'.

Just stick an extra N on the card and be done with it.

Then from now on every time you send them a card spell both their names with an N on the end ie; KateN or DaveN. Even better if they have DC you can spell their names incorrectly too.

I sent a text to my cousin recently confirming arrangements for a visit. I asked whether his GF would be coming. He replied that would be coming. I duly noted this and made sure I used the correct spelling from then on. For a woman I had not yet met. So YANBU at all. It's very poor manners to take so little care as to spell someone's name incorrectly for years. Unless it's some kine of stupid joke, which is also in poor taste. I think you ask your DB why he keeps doing this.

Them missing an 'n' from a card is likely to spoil your day? Are you kidding me?!?!?!

If they're doing it deliberately then YANBU. I'm NC with my parents now (years of abuse, parents in complete denial) but when I got married I didn't change my name to DH's surname. My mother knew this but deliberately and constanly sent cards etc to me addressing me as Mrs Hisname. I pointed it out to her and she told me "You need to get a life" and continued to do it.

It's just plain ignorance.

I get this on every card my OH has (if my sister actually bothers to send one).

It annoys me as it's rude. She knows full well how to spell his name correctly.

On the other hand, I know she only does it as some kind of petty revenge because she's the kind of person who thinks no one should ever be happy/more successful in life/have more money than her, so it makes me smile every time I see it.

Do you have that kind of relationship with them, OP? If so, you know they're never going to change so just ignore it.

If you don't, well, just ignore it and chalk it up to their ignorance.

It's very rude of them and after 40 years it's deliberate.

My DNephew is married to a lovely lady who’s name is very similar to his last EXGF’s name, think Jacky/Jackie.

They’ve been together 12 years and married for 10 and MIL insists on writing Jacky in all their cards, it’s so rude. MIL knows what she’s called!

A misspelling of a name will spoil your day? Really?

I think highlighting his name was really pathetic to be honest.