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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To spell my husbands name correctly.

104 replies

Burlea · 11/09/2018 14:45

In the last 5/6 years when my DB and SIL send DH a Birthday card or us a Christmas/Anniversary card, they have spelt his name wrong ( his ends in 2 Ns,they only put 1).
I have told them a number of times and their reply his that one of their friends spells theirs with only one N. We don't live close so only see about once a year but and it's a big but they have know DH for over 40 years.
DH has now sent a birthday card to SIL (1/9/2018) with his name highlighted with bright yellow marker pen yet it is our wedding anniversary today and the card has come with his name spelt wrong. DH hasn't seen this card yet. I think I'll bin it as I don't want anything spoiling our day.
DB is my older brother and I don't want to fall out with him. But I feel as though they are disrespectful to DH.

OP posts:

PlainVanilla · 11/09/2018 16:47

This is just bad manners.

InterstellarSleepingElla · 11/09/2018 16:48

My in laws (BIL, SIL) do this with my name - even if they send me a message on FB where they can see my name as they write! At first I was a bit miffed now a decade later I just think fuck 'em! I'm not going to lose sleep over it. Bizarrely if others get it wrong it doesn't wind me up in the slightest. Guess it is just them!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 11/09/2018 16:52

I have family members who have always spelt my name wrong despite correction. But they spell my now odd surname correctly . Tbh I'm sure it's because they didn't like how my parents chose to spell my name. It's a completely acceptable and common enough way of spelling my name, not like it's Nikkeee instead of Nicky, but more like Nicki not my real name hence random attempt at odd spelling

Irritated me for years. But now I've got my theory on why they do that I save my wrath for Starbucks instead who I'm lucky to even get the other spelling with

Charolais · 11/09/2018 16:56

It is only a extra letter, I wouldn't be bothered.

My BIL called me Elaine for over 30 years years. He even wrote it in FB comment - right after my real name. 'Nice picture Elaine. Look forward to seeing you soon' or something like that. My name has never been Elaine, it doesn't start with an E and doesn't even sound like Elaine. I have never corrected him. I just don't think much of him.

My MIL put together a (rinky-dink) family tree for all of us. She had my maiden name as my first husband's last name. In this family tree she added photos which she captioned, coming up with a completely new name for me, which was Burdock. I don't know why. I have never been a Burdock and my maiden name doesn't sound at all like Burdock, but I liked it so I never said anything.

No, I wouldn't worry about an extra letter in a name.

Elaine Burdock

InfiniteVariety · 11/09/2018 17:01

Rather than binning the card, why don't you add the extra "n" before showing it to him??

Dobbythesockelf · 11/09/2018 17:01

My DH has a different spelling of a common name. His spelling is unusual so he often gets it spelt wrong, he doesn't mind and just laughs it off. But I do feel embarrassed when someone in my family sends a card to him and it's spelt wrong, they have known him 11 years and we've been married 7. So i get where you are coming from. I do think it's bad manners but a lot of the time I doubt it is intentional at all. If it really bothers you then you will have to have a word with them, no good being passive aggressive with a highlighter.

SusieOwl4 · 11/09/2018 17:02

I don’t see the point of getting upset about it . I have a nephew whose name can be spelt about three ways and sometimes the more I think about it the more I confuse myself . So I have written it somewhere to remind me. It’s not deliberate and not malicious . If it was they would not even bother to send you any kind of greeting card at all . Just be grateful you got a card and enjoy your anniversary . If you want to think less of them because of the missing of one letter then feel free , but personally I think there are much more important things in life.

CornforthWhite · 11/09/2018 17:04

Just start to spell their names wrong. Don't sweat it.

nannybeach · 11/09/2018 17:04

I agree, I think its rude,lazy and bad manners, I have a really short, easy, christian name, for 20 years my DH family added letters, I kept telling them, they said their way was how it was "meant" to be pelt, sone year I added the extra letters on to each of their names, they never did it again! One of my DGD, she doesnt have a particularly unusal name or spelling of, my MIL, right from the word go spelt it a completely different way, my DH said not to mention it to her, (the woman is a bully and always right!) so for years she has continued to spell it "her" way, evenutally she gave cheques which were a problem to cash for what looked like quite a different name, so she was told, said "oh right" and still continues to spell it her way.

eniledam · 11/09/2018 17:07

@MiggledyHiggins Love it!

InfiniteVariety · 11/09/2018 17:07

KurriKurri Is she Welsh? Clair is the Welsh spelling, Claire the French one and Clare the English one

Panga63 · 11/09/2018 17:09

My aunt has never approved of what my brother (her nephew) and great nephew were named and so called them both by another version of their name that she did like. It's not done through any affection like a nickname. She just didnt like their names and called them something else. Just ignorant.
We all go "who are you talking about? Every. Single. Damn. Time.

MagentaRocks · 11/09/2018 17:10

My dh has the same name op. His in laws always spell it wrong. Plus friends etc. It’s a bit annoying but just one of those things.

KurriKurri · 11/09/2018 17:10

No She isn't Welsh InfiniteVariety- she comes from Suffolk, but I think IIRC she is Clair (maybe her parents were Welsh) things are complicated by the fact that the town she comes from is called Clare - I think that's one of the reason's I get confused (it doesn't take much)

longwayoff · 11/09/2018 17:12

Is there something wrong with you? They have remembered to send a card but you might throw it away as it may spoil his day to see his name mis-spelt. Why dont you call them and go the whole hog by having a huge unnecessary family row?

Miggymoggymugwumps · 11/09/2018 17:14

My mother-in-law usually spells my name wrong on the envelope but right in the card or the other way round, but never the correct spelling for both.....I find it very weird!

Namechangingagainjustbecause · 11/09/2018 17:14

My own dad and stepmom have consistently spelled my name wrong all my life. Every single card.

FoldyRoll · 11/09/2018 17:27

The highlighter thing is ridiculous. Does it really matter?
DH & I have been together 25 years. DIL still can't remember my (perfectly bog standard, short) name, nor that of our kids. He sends cards to "[DH name], your wife and the little girl'. The 'little girl' is now 14. Oh, and we have another one of 10 years. He also gets DD1's name wrong in a linked way (think e.g. Rose but he calls her Lily). We all think it's pretty hilarious.

I used to have a Greek colleague with an unusual name, but it wasn't at all difficult to pronounce and said exactly as it was spelled - only 6 letters. One manager insisted on inserting a stray N in the middle of her name every time. She politely corrected him but he continued out of sheer ignorance and rudeness. So the rest of us stuck a stray N in the middle of his name until he stopped.

You could try leaving the last letter off your DB and SIL's names, until the penny drops but in the end, they care enough to remember to send you an anniversary card. Is one letter really such a big deal?

AcrossthePond55 · 11/09/2018 17:28

I think throwing away the card is an overreaction, as is a misspelled card 'ruining' one's day. Does he take it out on you, Burlea? Even if that just means you having to 'hear about it' that's not fun or fair.

If I had mentioned it to whomever was misspelling my name and they justified it (a friend spells it XX) and then continued, I'd probably be a bit cheesed off at it. And I'd probably start adding an extra letter to their name just to be sarky. But it'd be a letter already in their name, not the one missing from mine, so Bobb or Sallly.

ElectricCandlelight · 11/09/2018 17:28

I've worked with a colleague for 10 years, he always called me a different name, I corrected him a few times, as did other colleagues and he was very apologetic but would always default to the name he obviously thought suited me better! It didn't bother me in the slightest and I ended up responding to it as if it was my actual name. As for spelling, it's not a difficult name to spell but there are a few varieties so it's common for people to get it wrong. However it does bother you and you have pointed it out, yanbu.

InfiniteVariety · 11/09/2018 17:31

KurriKurri I know Clare in Suffolk - it's really pretty, but I can see how it adds to the spelling confusion!

Randomnumbers7483 · 11/09/2018 18:07

Everyone spells my name wrong! I don’t bother to correct them or even mention it - it really isn’t that important - it’s only letters in a line to represent a sound - it isn’t your genetic code or who you actually are - you are being ridiculous to get worked up over it! You should be grateful that you are getting a card!!

Sorry to say it but if you had sent me a card with your name highlighted etc I would make a point of continually spelling it incorrectly just to annoy you for being so petty!

BlessYourCottonSocks · 11/09/2018 18:23

Am I the only one who thinks it weird your DB sent you a wedding anniversary card??

I don't think anyone apart from DH has EVER given me a card on our anniversary (misses point of post).

strawberrypenguin · 11/09/2018 18:53

YANBU it's the drip feed aspect of it I think. The first time it's fine and even the second after that it starts becoming rude. My SIL used to do it with my sons name - shed always use the feminine spelling. I got DH to have a word in the end as it passed me off so much

NatureIs · 11/09/2018 19:36

A relative of my DP bought me one of those naff gift shop keyrings with names on for Christmas. They didn't have my name so she bought the closest one to my name (like Emma/Emily). She even told me as I opened it that they didn't have your name so I just got that one.

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