AIBU to wish it wasn't MY kid who is terrified of school?!

[beyondthebrink]

DD started reception this week, she'll be going part time for the next 3 weeks (as per the school's induction process for all reception children). This week she's only going in for 2.5hrs. But we're on day 2 and I already feel like a broken woman.

This morning DD refused to get dressed, took another 40 minutes to put her shoes on, wouldn't get in the car seat and once she was in it, cried all the way to school. Then it took the teacher and T.A to physically pull her off me and into the classroom whilst she was kicking and screaming. I felt like everybody was staring at her/me and I just wanted to run back to my car and cry.

Meanwhile all the other children are skipping into the classroom as if they'd been going there forever, not phased at all.

I'm gutted. :(

{She's been suffering with separation anxiety for a while - her last three months at pre-school we're the same. Refusal, kicking, screaming. So I don't hold much hope that she'll 'be OK in a week or so' which is what everybody keeps telling me.}

I'd love to hear from anybody going through the same or any parents who have 'been there, done that' who can reassure me it does get easier.

Sleephead, don't underestimate the impact of surgery on separation anxiety. My DS who has just turned one has had three surgeries since he was born and each time his separation anxiety has been through the roof. His surgeon says that it's really very common in children of all ages.

Feel for you @beyondthebrink

My DD started reception last week. No easing in, her school does full time (including breakfast club and after school club some days) from day 1. She has been remarkably chipper about it mostly. Her Achilles heel is breakfast club where there tends to be older children and one adult floating rather than supervising, welcoming etc. She is intimidated by older kids she doesn't know and likes structure. Last weds she cried her eyes out and wouldn't let go of me. I had to gently push her off me and walk away as the longer I stay the worse she gets. I popped to the office to grab a tissue to wipe away the tears check something so she thought I'd left and within 20 seconds of me talking to the member of staff in there she'd stopped crying.

We are dealing with some unusual (to her) behaviour at times which I can only assume is a reaction to all the change and we just need to gird our loins and strap ourselves in for the initial ride as she acclimatises.

Shed loads of sympathy for you

I used to do this to my mum when I started school
I didn't have a problem with school and was fine as soon as my mum left. I just didn't like the separating part. I would scream the place down and had to be physically peeled off my poor mum!
I kept it up for 2 full terms apparently, then just stopped one day for no reason.

UPDATE - day 3.

DD woke up this morning, got dressed without a fuss, got into the car willingly and RAN into the classroom!

I'm in complete shock (and not counting my chickens yet) but very happy!

For now, at least, we're going in the right direction!

Nice to hear @beyondthebrink

With my eldest it was always me who had the meltdown child at the end of the day. I know exactly how you feel. Glad it's been a better morning today!

I remember those days too. DC had awful separation anxiety too. Reassure your DD, you love her very much and you will be back to collect her in her classroom at X o' clock. Tell her how much fun she will have with her new friends/learning new things. Don't show your anxiety. You could have it as part of a reward chart. She gets a treat, once she has her stars/stickers collected. Use lots of positive reinforcement. "This too shall pass"

I so feel for you op. my tips for what they are worth is talk about what a fun place school is constantly try to turn it into an adventure! Also how about your little one maybe doing a picture for her teacher anything at all a blue scribble will do but if you declare how amazing it is and how much the teacher will love it and how proud you are of having such a clever brilliant little girl maybe it might just make her want to skip in with her thing?! It worked for me but then I had it in reverse too..my daughter loved it so much she wouldnt come home.I cannot begin to tell you how mortifying and embarrassing it was with all the other parents looking at me as I tried to get this screaming kicking thing out of the classroom,,it was horrific ,,it got so bad I would feel sick at knowing I had to collect her.The staff eventually began to bring her to the gate to meet me as it was that bad.I cried proper exhausted crying driving home I just didnt know what to do.Six months that lasted,six long months where I felt she must really hate me for taking her out at home time.I thought I was loosing my mind,It is a phase but a long hard one.Now though I am pleased to say she is in year 2 she skips in so happily on a morning and leaves beautifully on a night ,,happy days now but it so wasnt all like that! Best Wishes to you it will get better hang on in there!

So great things were easier today. I haven't read all the posts just scanned and I know others have already suggested transitional object. I would go all out on these even if things are getting easier. Something of yours that she can take in with her, a scarf with your perfume on it. Something she associates with you. Also a photo of you that she can have in her pencil case or make it into a key ring for her bag. Lovely idea from a pp re making a teddy or soft toy together that can keep an eye on her for her - could be a simple socket puppet that lives in her bag. Little notes from you that she can find in her bag or lunch box. A heart drawn on your wrist and one on hers. Touch the hearts together when you say goodbye. All sorts of simple things you can do to help with the separation anxiety. Also lots the school can do to help although it sound like maybe you have turned a corner and that won't be needed. Good luck