Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want visit family 2 days after being home

107 replies

whyohwhyyy · 11/09/2018 12:32

Came home from hospital Sunday night after having DD emergency c section.

OH family have offered to come here but it's to much we have a tiny living room and there's 7 of them coming.
4 of us here

So I agreed to go to his mums but now I just don't fancy it I want to be st home with my kids.

Now he's saying he will just take her on his own then I don't understand why they just can't wait until I feel better I hate feeling pressured.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 11/09/2018 15:56

Is he always that selfish?

Haireverywhere · 11/09/2018 15:56

How can they not understand? You had your baby a few days ago!

Original poster
whyohwhyyy · 11/09/2018 15:56

He's still on the phone to his mum in the back garden I really can't believe him and I'm sat here trying to breastfeed and i have DS throwing a tantrum.

OP posts:
Tighnabruaich · 11/09/2018 15:58

Stay firm. Go to bed. Take baby to bed. Let them think what they like, you and new baby are not performing seals for their entertainment. You've had major abdominal surgery, why don't they realise that? Could you even sit in the car for that length of time? Shower of fuckwits.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/09/2018 15:58

Pretty spineless but just focus on looking after your baby and yourself. Everyone else's feelings aren't that important so soon after a C-section. Just became a Grandma, I visited when they were ready. I was so excited I would have set off when she went into labour, waited a week though so they could all get used to each other.

Witchofgoss · 11/09/2018 16:08

Can you send a message to them all via fb/WhatsApp and bypass your DH

'Dear All,

Sorry we can't make today, as you are aware I had an emergency c-sec on Sunday and to be honest it has all been very traumatic for me. Regrettably I'm very sore and very tired and can't come and visit today. As I'm breastfeeding I don't think it's a good idea for DH to pop round with the baby. I appreciate that you are all looking forward to seeing the baby again but I hope you [MIL/gf] in particular understand what it is like just after you have given birth and understand that me and the baby need some rest. DH could however pop round with DS though, I'm sure he'd love to play with his cousins for a bit'

Witchofgoss · 11/09/2018 16:14

If they send any rude messages back to you respond with

'If in the event you each ever have an operation, I expect you to visit me two days post op'

Happygummibear · 11/09/2018 16:20

Stay firm. Dh should be 100% considering you in all this not his family.

Why can't the brother and wife come round on their own if it's that vital they see you and baby right now... I imagine they must live over 2 hours away and this is the only time in the next 6 months they get to visit??

Also specify that visits are an hour max. We did this for all visitors. I also took baby off somewhere else for feeding as I was doing on demand so baby may have wanted food at any tine

SuckOnTHATRyan · 11/09/2018 16:23

Stay firm op! He’s being an utter idiot.

mummmy2017 · 11/09/2018 16:24

Hang on, this child is one with two parents, and two extended families...
Why does he not get to introduce his child to his parents...
If your that ill, go stay in your bed, and let his family visit for an hour.
Then he can go to lunch or tea and leave you to rest...

Rebecca36 · 11/09/2018 16:25

It's far too early for you to be entertaining people after a C section (even after a vaginal birth for some!). If they would come and only stay for an hour it might be alright. You could ask your husband to suggest that. He needs to be in charge of the situation.

Witchofgoss · 11/09/2018 16:27

@mummy2017 op has said that his parents already visited whilst she was in hospital.

Doingreat · 11/09/2018 16:42

He's a selfish and spineless twat.

I don't blame you for hating him. Could you ask the midwife/health visitor to give him an earful? How some men can be so inconsiderate is beyond me. And how the women in your in laws family can be such tactless idiots is unfathomable.
Please have a word with the midwife. They must see women going through this all the time. Tell her to rip him a new one.

BlueberryPud · 11/09/2018 16:54

I had similar 2 weeks after dd was born by CS. We were asked by dh's aunt to go visit them a couple of hours drive away so they could see new baby. There was absolutely no way I was going (had 22 month old as well) None of them, not one single one of them seemed to think I had a valid reason not to go. I was upset for a short while, but then furious. Who was the person who'd recently been held together with 14 fecking stitches? Well that's the person who gets to call the shots. Don't give in, and don't feel guilty. Tell them you feel too weak and unwell. It's hard to believe these twats exist.

YouTheCat · 11/09/2018 17:07

Tell him when he's had his abdomen cut open, then he can call the shots on this.

Doingreat · 11/09/2018 17:30

Can you say this to him quietly in a serious tone:
'When I have recovered from having my abdomen cut open, you and I are going to have a serious conversation about the way you are behaving right now. We will talk about the future of our relationship. '

If you can't bring yourself to speak to twatface , you could also message him something along those lines.

iamawoman · 11/09/2018 21:14

Can't just a couple of his family visit ie grandparents if they really must, 7 people I one go is really too much after major surgery, sleep deprivation, and hormonal surgeries ...men just don't seem to get it !!

AspieHere · 11/09/2018 21:31

What a bellend! When he has major surgery to bring a child into the world, has to put up with hormones and looking after a newborn, he gets to call the shots. Until then he shuts the fuck up and asks you what you need while his family can all wait until YOU are ready and recovered.

c24680 · 11/09/2018 21:37

@whyohwhyyy

Oh I really feel for you :( I had the exact same situation! It's my first child and 7 days after having an emergency c-section I was made to go to a BBQ so his family could meet our child, I hated every moment but the alternative was to let DH go on his own with our baby which I wasn't ready to be separated from.

Stick to your decision, everyone will understand once the baby isn't as 'new'!

LeftRightCentre · 11/09/2018 21:39

He's a fucking wanker. As is his entire family. Who the fuck expects to visit someone who's had a c-section that soon? Selfish tossers.

Original poster
whyohwhyyy · 11/09/2018 22:12

We didn't go in the end thank god.
I've started bleeding from my stitches so obviously I've already been over doing it.

Not arsed what everyone thinks of me they can wait!

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 11/09/2018 22:17

7 of them?? 7 ?! Why?
Let them come on small groups for 20 minutes.

Happygummibear · 11/09/2018 22:17

Also not to scare you but you can use in your defence (not that you should need one) that doing too much after a c section and PND have been linked so you rest and not be put under so much stress this early on after surgery.

Glad you managed to get your day at home

Eatmycheese · 11/09/2018 22:24

Bunch of chumps

You need to be loved and looked after.
Hope you are ok 💐

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/09/2018 10:49

OP, you should be tucked in bed and being waited on hand and foot.

Hope the bleeding has stopped now.

Has your OH stopped being a twat yet? Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.