To not want visit family 2 days after being home

[whyohwhyyy]

Came home from hospital Sunday night after having DD emergency c section.

OH family have offered to come here but it's to much we have a tiny living room and there's 7 of them coming.
4 of us here

So I agreed to go to his mums but now I just don't fancy it I want to be st home with my kids.

Now he's saying he will just take her on his own then I don't understand why they just can't wait until I feel better I hate feeling pressured.

Not to say I think the OP should suck it up and go (or send the baby on her own), definitely not.

Good God, they don't all need to come at once!! Tell them no, you've had major surgery and a new baby. Let his parents co e if you feel like it, schedule short visits for the others when you feel up to it. Or not.

In terms of him taking her I would say it depends how far away they are and how long for. If they live close and he'd just take her for an hour, that would give OP a chance to have a shower etc or whatever she wants to do. I don't see that being a big issue. Obviously if they live further away or he wants to take her for several hours, then that's different.

My mum didn't see my son until 3 weeks after the birth and my dad 6 weeks. They both worked and lived 8 hours away. They were still great grandparents. there really isn't any rush and why do they all have to come together anyway? If they came 2-4 at a time and knew they could only stay an hour or so it would be fine. if they insist on a mass gathering then they can wait.

Your baby is a newborn, you don't have to be separated from your newborn for 5 minutes if you don't want to. Also, breastfed babies should be fed on demand, not three hourly schedules referred to by a previous poster - that could mean the space between some feeds may be much much shorter than that.

Just looking at it from another direction - why can't just his mother come to see you ? Or both parents ? Why must it be 7 people ? Surely if just the grandparents can come over it would be OK in your little house , then you wouldn't have to go out and the baby would be still with you.

Or he could take her over for a visit - assuming that they live fairly close. There must be a happy medium.

Totally unreasonable and unfair from both your OH's family and HIM.

What was he thinking of??????!!! And now he's pissed off at you?

And 7 all at once? Just 1 or 2 at a time, surely?

Sorry, OP. Congrats on the arrival of your DD and enjoy getting to know her. Selfish twats.

Yanbu .
Do not go anywhere. You've had major surgery.

Contact them (together) and say that you had great intentions of being able to visit and being up to being able to visit but you had no idea in realistic terms how you would feel after a C-section. You are sorry but it just isn't possible for you to visit them. However, if the were interested in visiting you, you would be more than welcoming to them if they came in smaller groups, i.e not the 7 of them together. You will also have to say that as you're both only home and finding your feet as new parents, the house is a mess but they will have to take it as they see it. If they would prefer to wait a week or so, you'll be in a better position, as a family, to introduce your newest addition to the family to them.

You've had a c-section so have had to change your plans.

If you don't take care now in the early weeks post surgery, you are setting yourself up for complications or issues further down the line.

You should be in bed, with DC beside you and that fuckwit waiting on you hand and foot.

Facetime his family or have them come to visit in smaller groups. They aren't all chained together ffs.

He doesnt have to be a mind reader to show some consideration,,Bloody hell love.. I feel for you.

Hear hear Miggeldy.

"You should be in bed, with DC beside you and that fuckwit waiting on you hand and foot.".

Eugh my DHs family did this. I had DD two days before his mother’s 60th birthday. Two days. They still all said “oh what a shame that you didn’t come for the meal”. I didn’t even have to respond because DH did it for me- he turned round and said “she was busy. WE were busy. DD was having a hard time feeding as neither of us had slept since two days before she was born and we didn’t want to be stuck in a stuffy restaurant with a brand new baby when we didn’t really know what we were doing”

Tell them all to do one. Then tell your DH that, on account of him not being a mind reader apparently, he needs to hold the baby for 20 mins whilst you have a shower. Then take that gorgeous tiny baby up to bed and inform him (just in case he still hasn’t plugged in his Vulcan mind probe) that you will be staying there for the foreseeable. He can bring you drinks, snacks and meals. And then he can take the baby for an hour or so here and there to let you have a chance to properly sleep and get a shower again. And then after a week or more you might consider having visitors. Maybe.

Why do these 7 people all have to come at the same time?

Ask him what he would arrange a few days after open heart surgery.

Yes, completely different from a C-section, but both are major surgery that isn’t done by keyhole surgery. Therefore the body has been cut open for someone to rummage around and fix the situation.

My partner took our 7 day old baby to visit friends as i wanted to stay at home.

I was breastfeeding, they were only gone 2 hours and baby was feeding every 3 hours so fed her before and once they were back.

I also left my baby with her dad when she was about 2 weeks old to get my hair done. Why does the mum need to be attached 24/7 to the baby?

I don’t think any bf baby I know fed that infrequently at that age. I think you were really lucky NOT to need the baby attached to you that often.

Seven of them! Why can't just your parents in law visit for an hour?

And, by the way, I wouldn't be going anywhere and nor would my new born baby.

@SuckOnTHATRyan

I don’t think any bf baby I know fed that infrequently at that age. I think you were really lucky NOT to need the baby attached to you that often.

My baby never clusterfed, and had to be woken up to feed so settling into a 3/4hour feeding schedule quite easily. She also only took about 10mins to breastfeed, now she's on a bottle she drinks 7oz in about 3 minutes.

Every woman is different, i had no issue being apart from my baby for short periods in the first few months, especially if she was with her dad. Why shouldn't he be able to spend time with baby on his own, he's perfectly capable.

Every woman is different, i had no issue being apart from my baby for short periods in the first few months, especially if she was with her dad. Why shouldn't he be able to spend time with baby on his own, he's perfectly capable.

Yeeeees? Every woman is different and maybe the op doesn’t want to be separated from her newborn. Lucky you though with no cluster feeding and instant 3/4 feeding routine .

I hate him so much he's just rang his mum putting all the blame on me.
Making me feel guilty saying his brother and the kids are already there waiting.

I fucking hate him so much how could I be with such a selfish ass.

They are all selfish fuckweasels. Sorry you are in this situation.

But you're doing nothing wrong.

I think he's been a bit of a coward and should have said you both agreed it wasn't sensible this close to the birth. Sorry he hasn't been supportive.

His parents have already visited once at the hospital and again at our.
It's his brother and his girlfriend and the kids.

He just doesn't seem to understand I don't want to be away from my baby

can you stay upstairs in bed with the baby and let OH entertain them downstairs, they can come up and see you and baby then leave you alone. that's what my in-laws did when the whole bunch arrived the day I got home from the hospital.
To be honest I stayed up there everytime someone came and they popped up to see me then stayed chatting with dH